of a weird learning point

salam..

juma'ah mubarakah everyone!

a bit of a weird rant today..

after being smacked in the face a couple of times this week..(figuratively) i am now in the world of not really giving a hoot of what ppl might think..because I have given some time to consider it, analyse it, thought through it and ended up with some sort of plan..therefore, all the emotions are thus unnecessary atm..

thing is, I am in great despair, and partly it was because I felt I couldn't live up to one's expectations..which is a very very heavy and dis-pleasuring feeling if you've ever felt it before..

and I know that living your life for anyone humanly related is not the way to go..since Allah should be our reason..therefore, after dissecting and doing some deep reflections, it has been made clear that I am actually disappointed in myself not because of being a loser in pleasing other people, but the fact that I haven't carried out or tunaikan hak-hak orang di sekeliling dengan sebaiknya..

and because of this so found revelation, I feel liberated..because time and time again, only you know what you are dealing with and of course Allah knows it better..and only you know what your capability is and if you haven't fulfilled the responsibility as should..i guess what's important is just keep moving on..whether time is on your side or not, be it rain or fall..until you develop a thick skin..for the cause of Allah..

and just a reminder for myself with a goldfish memory, "proactive is the total opposite of reactive" - remember, remember, remember..therefore, begone with all the whispers..

anyway, this is not intended to shoot anyone in the head..it's a learning point for us all or maybe just for myself O_o

anyway, talk to you soon..

wslm,  

nahdiya mj

back to back

oh dear, may Allah help me through this..please pray for me..ameen

of a broken heart

bismillah..

urm..this weekend has been a bit funny..
yesterday we went to Forest of Dean and had a wonderful day mashaAllah....cycling for 3 hours finished off by a picnic....I loved it mashaAllah, the outdoor and riding the bicycle part....going gaga over Allah's creation....was such a nice break from the brick walls and hustle bustle of Bristol city..

Alhamdulillah twas a great adventure...it would have been nicer if there was some pengisian of something..just some time to ponder on Allah's creation more..

but anyway, that's not the part of where my heart got broken..
so we rented a mini bus to bring us back and from the Forest of Dean, and on the way back, the bus driver stopped  at Tesco's for toilet breaks....me, yaya, ain & anis stayed in when everyone else went for the loo..it was around 6.30pm at the time and past maghrib, so yaya asked me if I would want to read ma'thurat with her...and I said yeah sure.  Then suddenly ain & anis sat next to us and said they want to join us as well..it made my glass heart break....comelnya budak2 kecik ni..

it was the same feeling when we recited ma'thurat in the car otw back from DTS.

so many people want Islam, it felt great and sort of inspiring..
 
and today..I told my darling fffy, i wouldn't be their naqibah anymore..and my glass heart broke again for the second time..seriously felt like crying, love them to bits..

i pray this is for the best insyaAllah..and may they find orang2 soleh wherever they go and may they always be guided by You, and keep being close to You and always do good and keep their hearts pure and stay good people insyaAllah amin.

from them, I learnt loads. how to be strong, always inspired to do good in whatever way or form, and about being human.

May good things happen to them insyaAllah.

so if you haven't actually figured it out, my dark dusty hard glass heart got broken by good things insyaAllah....
hopefully the light will shine through easier after the glass wall is broken..

ok, enough with the touchy mouchy lovey dovey...ah~ perasaan la perasaan..ok, takpe kjp je nnt ok balik..human's have resilience you know, that's what we've been taught as medics..

here's some pictures from yesterday,

baiklah, sekian melaporkan, ^^
bye bye i love you..
nahdiya mj

from my dark dungeon of feelings..

so the seasons changing..and the daffodils are out and blooming..

and so are we..for the better insyaAllah..

lately there's been so many posts about love and BM and stuff, just makes me a bit fed up. not because i have anything against it, but i do feel it is such a distraction that there are so many things you want to achieve in life, in which this distraction is not really helping.

oh Allah, I hope for my friends and even me myself, I pray that we won't get into this circle of false dreams and living in lala land..that may just stray us away from our main purpose in life.

if i haven't learned by myself, my naqibah has thought me countless times that life is not a fairy tale..and that nothing comes easy in life..

and after a few months of pondering on it..it is constituted in my way of thinking as well..and I do, I truly want to be among those that will serve Your deen well..

yaAllah let us get back on track, and stop dwelling in the world of unknown, and start paving our future, because what we decide today at this moment in time, will decide what we will be in the future..

and everytime there's that hole in my heart, be it missing my family or friends..it's better to fill it up with deeds that will make You love us even more..

I truly want to be a servant that You love..please provide me strength yaAllah, mainly against my own demons..and guide us yaAllah.

a terrible goof for fairytales and happy endings,
nmj

of learning and losing..

salam wbt, 

lately labile emotions sket. takpela..may Allah forgive our sins..

astaghfirullahal azim..

bismillah,

as you may well have noticed, i am not in the season of updating my life's journey on the b to the l to the o to the g! since i have started to retrace back to the wonderful olden days where there didn't exist any internet. and how have they managed to document their life's journey? yes, on a hard cover diary/journal.. cut things short, i have started to keep a diary again. well, sort of.

hopefully my rambles won't be too exhaustive after this. muhaha.

the other day, i was cleaning the kitchen. particularly getting rid of the habuk2 on the floor. i seem to seek solace in cleaning at the moment. maybe because the reward is visible. or maybe because their lies a deeper meaning in it. the fact that it's a sunnah, or because the whole body is moving thus endorphines are released or because "an nazhafatu minal iman". whatever the reason is, it felt good.

as i was cleaning the habuk + grease. it took some time to actually remove the grime. ucks. and Alhamdulillah, there was actually some tarbiyah behind it.  you know how grime is so difficult to remove? and once you remove it, it just keeps forming again without fail? yes, but basically, even if you aren't able to remove all of it the first time around, it is still less than before. and if you constantly do it, say, my rate, i would be cleaning perhaps once a month, the grime would still get less each time.  and if we keep on working on it, in the end, there will come a day, when the grime would finally disappear, and the role of cleaning the kitchen next time would be maintaining the grimeless kitchen rather than still actively removing the grime.

and the same would go to our hearts.


lots of love,
nahdiya

_____________________________

Pictures from MABIT 17/2/12

SOB

semput. 
semput. 
dan semput. 

nangis. berhenti. nangis balik.
*dalam hati* 
ok dah elok
Allah. Allah. Allah.

-"and the only appropriate response, is gratefullness" - Louis Schwartzberg

of fortresses and fending enemies

salam. so. how have you been? :)

a trip. a travel. a runaway from the cold, dark, gloomy feel of winter. an escape. or ESCAPEE~ (as Dory in Finding Nemo) from the horrendous nightmares of OSCE.

MALTA

Alhamdulillah. was a good trip overall. with me lovely housemates. NF kuasa dua. (NF1 & NF2). hihi 

i think i went a bit manic over there, a lot of giggling. which i rarely do in public. kihkih.. how could i resist, the housemates has infected me with the giggling virus.

I think I learnt a lot going there. About myself. About friends. About Allah. About Allah's creations. 

Basically a bit about Malta. It's a small island in the Mediterranean.  Their national language is English and Maltese.  Malta apparently had been invaded by a lot of powers, dating back from the Ottoman empire, to Italy, to America and lastly Britain. Valletta is the new capital where it is surrounded by a 14 feet thick brick wall which served as a fort back in the days.  Going on the sea cruise it's really astonishing to see the structure from water and thinking at the time at how amazing Allah has equipped mankind with the skills to bring hard land into towering structures. 

Basically in Malta there are 350 churches so people would visit one church every day for a year.  and there is also one mosque in Malta. Here's the catch, Malta was under the Muslim reign for 200 years until the Ottoman empire went down and was under British government for 170 years.  so, I'm wondering what happened to the other mosques?  Anyway, I was very amazed at how Islam spread during those days.  Honestly speaking, I wouldn't have imagined there existed an Island called Malta before.  For my own consolation, it's absolutely tiny if you look on the map.  Like a little dot.  But Islam still managed to get to the dot in the middle of the sea where there exists humans.  MashaAllah, their passion of spreading peace.  And to this day, there are a lot of Arabic words used on the island, for instance, the place where we stayed was called Sliema, which is short for Tas-Sliema, which means peace or comfort, and also the addresses is Tariq bla bla..which in Arabic means road.  I'm not quite sure about the Muslim population in the country though, I don't think it's that many since I didn't manage to see any locals wearing hijab throughout our stay, which is quite a shame since it is really a very very calm and soothing place to live where you can barely see any litter on the road.  the view is so amazingly beautiful mashaAllah.  I might consider living there someday, if I end up a spinster, I might just settle down in Malta and open a Malaysian seafood restaurant or coffee shop for tourists.  Maybe open a surau if I manage to collect a lot of money.  okay, I'm drifting away.  

Another thing that caught my interest was apparently Malta is known to people studying language, which is quite understandable with all the mixed cultures and heritage.  The lady in our hotel who prepares breakfast for us says she sometimes hosts foreign students.  She can speak English and 1 or 2 other languages but could understand 12 languages.  Whoah! Amazing mashaAllah.  Suddenly I feel like sending my children to Malta to learn languages. I used to ask mama to join Mandarin class but painting lesson and taekwondo and swimming lesson, no way hosey. jdlah impian utk anak2. baiklah. sekian.

p/s: the song -> in taxi on the way to Malta airport.a rainy day on the last day
-nadmj-