A step back...

of fortresses and fending enemies

2012-01-30T20:38:00.000Z

salam. so. how have you been? :)

a trip. a travel. a runaway from the cold, dark, gloomy feel of winter. an escape. or ESCAPEE~ (as Dory in Finding Nemo) from the horrendous nightmares of OSCE.

MALTA

Alhamdulillah. was a good trip overall. with me lovely housemates. NF kuasa dua. (NF1 & NF2). hihi

i think i went a bit manic over there, a lot of giggling. which i rarely do in public. kihkih.. how could i resist, the housemates has infected me with the giggling virus.

I think I learnt a lot going there. About myself. About friends. About Allah. About Allah's creations.

Basically a bit about Malta. It's a small island in the Mediterranean. Their national language is English and Maltese. Malta apparently had been invaded by a lot of powers, dating back from the Ottoman empire, to Italy, to America and lastly Britain. Valletta is the new capital where it is surrounded by a 14 feet thick brick wall which served as a fort back in the days. Going on the sea cruise it's really astonishing to see the structure from water and thinking at the time at how amazing Allah has equipped mankind with the skills to bring hard land into towering structures.

Basically in Malta there are 350 churches so people would visit one church every day for a year. and there is also one mosque in Malta. Here's the catch, Malta was under the Muslim reign for 200 years until the Ottoman empire went down and was under British government for 170 years. so, I'm wondering what happened to the other mosques? Anyway, I was very amazed at how Islam spread during those days. Honestly speaking, I wouldn't have imagined there existed an Island called Malta before. For my own consolation, it's absolutely tiny if you look on the map. Like a little dot. But Islam still managed to get to the dot in the middle of the sea where there exists humans. MashaAllah, their passion of spreading peace. And to this day, there are a lot of Arabic words used on the island, for instance, the place where we stayed was called Sliema, which is short for Tas-Sliema, which means peace or comfort, and also the addresses is Tariq bla bla..which in Arabic means road. I'm not quite sure about the Muslim population in the country though, I don't think it's that many since I didn't manage to see any locals wearing hijab throughout our stay, which is quite a shame since it is really a very very calm and soothing place to live where you can barely see any litter on the road. the view is so amazingly beautiful mashaAllah. I might consider living there someday, if I end up a spinster, I might just settle down in Malta and open a Malaysian seafood restaurant or coffee shop for tourists. Maybe open a surau if I manage to collect a lot of money. okay, I'm drifting away.

Another thing that caught my interest was apparently Malta is known to people studying language, which is quite understandable with all the mixed cultures and heritage. The lady in our hotel who prepares breakfast for us says she sometimes hosts foreign students. She can speak English and 1 or 2 other languages but could understand 12 languages. Whoah! Amazing mashaAllah. Suddenly I feel like sending my children to Malta to learn languages. I used to ask mama to join Mandarin class but painting lesson and taekwondo and swimming lesson, no way hosey. jdlah impian utk anak2. baiklah. sekian.

p/s: the song -> in taxi on the way to Malta airport.a rainy day on the last day
-nadmj-

of a reminder

2012-01-17T23:18:00.000Z

bismillah,

how have you been? Alhamdulillah, I hope you've been good. :)

last weekend, I went to Cardiff to listen to ceramah by Ust. Aziz, on insan rabbani, bukan nowseeheart atau hijaz. and as I was writing points in my notebook, the sudden realisation just dawned on me, nearly all the pages in my book were filled up with jotted ink, but have I, myself practiced the knowledge I have printed down on paper?

It's quite frightening, to actually have a look inside and ask myself that question. I think partly because I'm afraid the answer to that would be a disappointment. Have you ever seen the cartoon 'pinky and the brain'? If you haven't, the tall mouse is called Pinky and the short one is Brain.

so I'm imagining all the ilmu is piling up in my book and if we subtitute the book as my brain, I would be the character Brain. with quite a remarkably disproportionate head. but anyway, the point being, with all the ilmu I'm learning, am I taking away something practical that I can do and actually apply in day to day life? hmm, what do you think? (okay, so maybe some of the ilmu is more of moulding one's thinking as opposed to demanding physical actions)

oh, just before I forget, kebajikan was part of the point in Ust's talk. so AJC? grr.. exams? grr.. life? grr.. turning 24? grr.. baiklah, mari beristighfar and take one step at a time. sorry for the drama queen moments, this is what you get for making your blog an electronic diary. don't get me wrong, I'm not mad, and insyaAllah everyday I am appreciating life and the opportunities Allah has bestowed on us. :)

i've just finished 2 weeks at my 2nd GP surgery. So far GP land has treated me very well Alhamdulillah. here's some photos.

my usual parking spot

main entrance

GP's waiting area

next stop? OSCE's on Tuesday.

اللهُمَّ لا سَهْلَ إلا مَا جَعَلتَهُ سَهْلا وَ أنتَ تَجْعَلُ الحزْنَ إذا شِئْتَ سَهْلا
Allahumma la sahla illa ma ja’altahu sahla, wa ‘anta taj-alul hazna idha shi’ta sahla

O Allah! There is nothing easy except what You make easy, and You make the difficult easy if it be Your Will

-nahdiya

of some unwinding

2012-01-08T23:19:00.001Z

"the one who failed is the one who never even tried"

went to Ask Dr Clarke today & merasai sedikit sebanyak life as a Cardiff Medical Student..kihkih..for a few hours je pun. and enjoyed it Alhamdulillah since we all went together (me, hani, farihin, mus).

tomorrow: GP lagi. becoming a bit bored of just sitting and waiting. and of doctor's picking my brain. (even if it's not a good brain to pick on ;p) oh well, who said being a medical student was easy?

ok, nak tdo, Assalamualaikum.

-nad
just drove back from Bristol to Bath,
11.23pm Royal United Hospital, Bath.

of 2012

2012-01-03T16:26:00.000Z

bismillah.

ok, baiklah, mari kita berhenti dengan sedih2 dan depress di kala musim2 winter yang cepat benar gelapnya..hehe.

Alhamdulillah Allah bagi kita nikmat untuk hidup dan melihat calendar bertarikh 2012.
aduhai, selalu je tahu kan masa kita ni bila-bila Allah boleh tarik, jadila sempit, sempit masa, sempit dada. dan kalau Allah nak habiskan terus masa kita, jadila kita tidur yang lama tu, yang sampai berbunyi sangka kala yang kedua baru kita bangun semula. innalillahiwainnalillahi raji'un.

Kadang-kadang fikir sendirian time2 cuti ni, mengapa saya rasa sungguh la kosong jiwa ni, sungguhla kosong bila tak ada usrah ni, bila tak ada pengisian jiwa. Dan lebih teruk lagi bila rasa nak beramal tu ingat daripada berusrah je yang boleh dapat pahala..

aduhai, sebenarnya Islam tu sangat luas kan ruang ibadatnya. Kenapa tak vacuum rumah wahai cik nad? bukan ke "an-Nazhafaru minal iman"? Kan boleh dapat pahala juga tu?

dan untuk diri yang termotivasi untuk study ni, sila la, sbb kan Allah sayang hambaNya yang berilmu.

"Kelebihan seorg 'Alim (ilmuwan) terhadap seorg 'Abid (ahli ibadah) ibarat bulan purnama terhadap seluruh bintang." (HR Abu Daud).. hihi tiba-tiba rasa special pulak. :)

"Barangsiapa merintis jalan merintis jalan mencari ilmu maka Allah akan memudahkan baginya jalan ke syurga." (HR Muslim)

اُطْلُبُوْا العِلْمَ وَلَوْ في الصِّينِ
“Tuntutlah ilmu walaupun sampai ke negeri China.” (ada pendapat mengatakan ni hadith dhaif tapi gist dia masih baik kan?)

baiklah, saya akhiri nota kali ini dengan ucapan, Malas, malas go away! Mari study lillah! :)

hihi, pics Malam Secreto de Amor dan sesi menghabiskan daging korban.
Muax,
nad

of a bigger picture

2011-12-27T12:19:00.003Z

hehe.
okay, i'm a bit irresponsible. mybe a lot.

i know there's the 'hehe'. not that i'm proud of it.

i just think i'll be too bummed out to punish myself because of this. a more positive approach would be to move toward a less irresponsible me. ^^

***
dear self,
please be more disciplined. there's so much more to do out there. i know you are feeling trapped inside this state with mundane stuff to do.

but before you seek adventure you need to make sure you are good to go. one hurdle to conquer at a time my dear.

a potential working space in the future? yes, this my room where I act as a GP and consult real patients. that's my book, my cup of coffe and a slice of apricot cake which a kind patient baked.

felt so tempted to nick a few leaflets..

weird but true,

nad

opps..

2011-12-20T11:49:00.006Z

I just googled the distance to lake district for PMS tomorrow. surprise surprise, huhuh, apparently its 4 hours drive. which actually means 5 to 6 hours in total since it includes some stops at services for a taste of Costa coffee and loo breaks. waa. nangis, br tau.

i don't really mind i think, it's just that i need to be on duty straight after, and knowing the not-so-strong me, i might be in for a very heavyweight work load. I am one of AJK masakan PMS and I do need to start duty right on the spot.

myb i should do a bit of Jillian exercise today just to toughen things up. ;D and by things, i do mean myself. just pointing out the obvious ;p blerrrgh. merepeks saje. sudah terlambat. esok mau gerak.

of hope

2011-12-19T21:13:00.000Z

Depression

As much as I hate to succumb to failure, or being depressed at the very least, I find that I am currently in a state of low mood. I don't think I have failed, but I couldn't quite get through the feeling of depression. It might be that I just feel a bit lonely and home sick at the moment. Terrible terrible feeling, oh dear.

Oh Allah, I know You hear me and are close by, please find me a motivation. and I will try my best insyaAllah. :)

of a break.

2011-12-13T21:41:00.001Z

"there's always something to talk about."
Encik McLellan, kamu ini sgt baik, dan bijak, dan sgt lucu. hihi ^^
saya rasa kamu GP yg paling cool di situ dan cikgu yang paling banyak ajar sy, contohnya centor criteria, jenis-jenis knee bursitis, treatment of gout, primary prevention of cardiovascular disease, importance of ordering tests if it changes management, best practice in nursing home, paronychia, ingtkan saya phalen's and tinnel's test, difference of nursing and residential home.

terima kasih.

my note kepada cikgu,
Nahdiya

of an energiser

2011-12-11T09:04:00.003Z

bismillah,

yesterday was daurah in Cardiff, it was lovely and energizing.

what did I learn?
> better to beramal while we still can. I like the reminder Abg Azim gave at the end..

The Prophet (pbuh) said:
“Take benefit of five before five:
your youth before your old age,
your health before your sickness,
your wealth before your poverty,
your free-time before your preoccupation,
and your life before your death.”

stressing particularly on the first one. Youth. We are young. and while we are still given these priviledges of this age let's take advantage of it..no, no..not by wasting it on booze or partying, but exhausting it for good and benefit of mankind.

while we were in Darul Isra' I found this on the notice board.

It's interesting to see kesyumulan Islam. Talking about dementia in masjid :)

> I also like the point when we were discussing, Kak Hanim pointed out most of us have reservations to 'commit' to tarbiyyah is because the rewards are intangible and unseen. (i.e: pahala & change) and the rewards can only be felt by people who have joined tarbiyyah, so basically, one can only experience it if they go through it.

> Dakwah and a Muslim are inseparable. Just like a pen and the cap. and our dakwah is dakwah hati..refer to Abasy As-sisii book
(ok, don't think i'll explain this more due to time constraint)

> Creativity as a Da'i

> erm, and I've also started GP which is an hour's drive. I have to compete with tractors and horses on the road. On a sunny day, it can be really worthwhile. On a late morning (which has been the case for several mornings due to a dysfunctioning hp alarm clock), the beauty just suddenly disappears. And the feeling of just running over them creeps up. But of course, I won't be able to do that.

after 30 mins drive through this, we will later reach my GP surgery in Calne. Yes, health services also reaches farmers :)

my random updates,

nad

Tis the season

2011-12-04T18:34:00.003Z

first time in 4 years I went to Bath Christmas Market. and it was Hani's 23rd birthday today. May Allah bless her. I bought her something I would love myself. as a borderline shopaholic, it is one of my interventions to teach myself and to treat my condition. lols (p/s: missing in picture Mus, Jiayin, Charuni, Natasa).

Podium parking lot, B2, Bath

a cheesy treat. Cheese & Cranbery. yums!

****

What have I learned today?

1) Something about myself, I love people but I'm not so good when buying gifts and organising stuff. maybe something I could work on.
2) I should think more about others and always be kind.
3) On a more general note, worry about things you can change and don't worry about things that are done. :)

Less than three,
nad

of 500,000 times more.

2011-12-04T18:18:00.002Z

bismillah,

yesterday -> Gaza: through our eyes by Dr. Zin Kandar. Venur: St. Michael's on the Mount

Alhamdulillah the turn out was overwhelming, people came from Portsmouth, Cardiff and of course the very far Bristol. i think it was probably around ~150 people plus kids.

What were the learning points I gained?

> from the title itself, it's a retorical question on what perspectives are we using to view these issues : humanitarian, iman, ethical, or so on.

> medan utk beramal bermacam-macam dan sgt besar. if we are not prepared to physically protect Palestine, the least is with funds and doa. From the funds insyaAllah many sectors can be developed (e.g bread factory, education - hufaz, lessons in mosques etc, dairy production to make cheese etc) it's like a modified saying,

"give a man a fish and you'll feed him for a day, give a man a fishing rod and you'll feed him a lifetime"

> examples of Muslim who are walking the walk, and not just talking the talk are those who live in Palestine. seeing from the how the Government works to the public's attitude, they are those who have a heart-close relationship to Qur'an and lives Islam fully. one note to think about, even in the worst of conditions, we don't hear about any social issues happening in their society. Inner peace. And it is not surprising that it relates back to dakwah & tarbiyah.

> It's true that Palestinians have a lot to teach us on how to live.

I think where I sat is an invasion of this man's social skin.

yours truly,
nmj

a bit of catching up

2011-12-01T19:30:00.001Z

Bismillah,

Love can conquer all. and I might be a very strong believer of it. I am learning, how to become a Muslim or a person at the very least. And I think I haven't really lived as a human being. The best of creation as Allah puts it in His book, and do I actually believe it?

The once cheesy phrase which I used to think, "Tak kenal maka tak cinta", is making more sense now.

This little girl, whom I really love and care about, and I hope its because the truth that she seeks.

I pray that we will both find it insyaAllah.

And the time, time that Allah has entrusted us upon, I pray I'll be able to use it more wisely. oh Allah.

****

2 things I am training myself to do:

1) Live life to please Allah, then you'll find, you'll also please people around you.

2) Be aware of Allah's present and believe in Him, as you are aware of the wind. "You can't see it, but you can feel it close and you know with absolute certainty it exists".

My warmish chilly room in Royal United Hospital, Bath

-my weekly rambling,

Nahdiya Jan

type.type.type. and click.

2011-11-26T20:08:00.000Z

and this came out. MashaAllah one's ability to write by Allah is very very breathtaking. makes me feel fuzzy inside.

by Ibn Qayyim al-Jawziyyah
As people are content with the world, so you should be content with Allah. As they are delighted by the world, so you should be delighted with Allah. As they are intimate with their loved ones, so you should seek intimacy with Allah. As they desire to know their kings and their leaders, and to draw near to them in order for honour and status to be conferred on them, so you should come to know Allah and seek His love: this will lead to the utmost honour and distinction.
Said one of the ascetics (zuhhåd): “I can never imagine that someone could hear about Paradise and Hellfire and can still waste an hour without performing any act of obedience to Allah; neither remembrance, prayer, reciting Qur’an nor an act of charity or kindness.” Someone said to him: I weep profusely. He replied: “That you laugh while confessing your sin is better than weeping yet being puffed-up with pride because of your deeds. For the deeds of a conceited person will never rise above his head.” The person then requested: Please counsel me. So the ascetic replied:
“Leave the world to those who hanker after it, as they leave the Afterlife to its seekers. And be in this world as the bee: it eats only good, produces only good, and when it rests upon anything it neither ruins it nor deflowers it.”
FOOTNOTES
* Al-Fawa’id (Riyadh: Maktabah al-Rushd, 2001), 187; trans. Surkheel Sharif.

copy pasted from Muslimmatters.org

For the love of Allah

2011-11-20T23:38:00.002Z

bismillah.

yesterday my friends and I went to Excel, London to join the Twins of Faith conference. Alhamdulillah for allowing us the chance and masyaAllah it was spectacular. a whole list of talented and wise speakers, poets and artists. I guess the most important thing I gained was the uplifting feeling of racing towards a better ummah by seeing how many masses of people coming to the conference which I believe would be to learn more about Allah's blessed Deen and to become a better Muslim and seeing the organiser's effort to hold such an event for the benefit of the ummah and for Allah's love is just a boost of spirit for dakwah work.


our entrance wrist band

Based on our dear brother's talk, ustadh Nouman Ali Khan titled 'The best of man', what's important is that we start from being a better individual and building up our fundamentals as we go along.

The programme book

hihi, I think it really is amazing how Allah works His magic. I only just remembered after the conference that I once said to Zed a couple of years ago how 'envious' I was that she had the chance to listen to the brother's talk in US. I was goofing around saying I think how I might come to US just to see the brother. Lo and behold what Allah has in store. and I do pray that my intentions were right.

Our brother

Which is another point from the brother's talk which was to make 'niat' or intention of what we want in life even we haven't got a clue yet how we are going to achieve it. For instance, he gave an example of learning Arabic to understand Allah's text better. Although we may not be able to find a teacher at the moment or have time yet or etc, but insyaAllah if we make the intention now just watch how Allah will open up the doors to allow us achieve our goals. I think it was based on his own life experience.

and Alhamdulillah, I think this experience to me has been a very sweet journey, personally and spiritually.

hehe

as part of my diary,

nad

destressing

2011-11-15T17:07:00.000Z

bismillah,

one thing i like about medicine is how it organizes the way one thinks. ok, so this may not be such a huge thing for someone who already has things sorted out in their heads. someone who was born with the ability to classify and group things since day 1 of being a neonate unlike me who at times feels that her neurones are suddenly too short of reaching the next neurone that the information suddenly gets lost in the tangled mess and stored in somewhere even she can't locate.

okay then, i think this just too much vanity at the moment. my point was............oh right, yes, my point is that somehow medicine with all it's tutorials and clinics and skills and theatres and shadowing this person and shadowing that person and in the midst of all this chaos just makes one's mind goes bonkers. but alas, as is stated in the Qur'an how Allah loves people who work in saffs and how one can achieve greatness through being systematic. which is ironically the key of approaching a patient in whatever situation he/she is under.

Another fact in the Qur'an practiced in the real life of a medical student.

I'm sorry again if this is totally useless. And if you are still reading this, I just burnt my pizza, it says 10 minutes in the oven. I just passed 12 minutes and it's almost black. Never trust the power of a burning flame 0_o

-nmj

of a love story

2011-11-05T23:24:00.001Z

Allah. please make me strong insyaAllah.

tomorrow marks the day of 10 Zulhijjah a.k.a eidul adha. Why is it a blessed day?

فَبَشَّرْنَاهُ بِغُلَامٍ حَلِيمٍ
(37:101) (In response to this prayer) We gave him the good news of a prudent boy
فَلَمَّا بَلَغَ مَعَهُ السَّعْيَ قَالَ يَا بُنَيَّ إِنِّي أَرَى فِي الْمَنَامِ أَنِّي أَذْبَحُكَ فَانْظُرْ مَاذَا تَرَى قَالَ يَا أَبَتِ افْعَلْ مَا تُؤْمَرُ سَتَجِدُنِي إِنْ شَاءَ اللَّهُ مِنَ الصَّابِرِينَ
(37:102) and when he was old enough to go about and work with him, (one day) Abraham said to him: “My son, I see in my dream that I am slaughtering you. So consider (and tell me) what you think.” He said: “Do as you are bidden. You will find me, if Allah so wills, among the steadfast.”
The object of asking this of the son was not that he would carry out Allah's Command only if he agreed, otherwise not, but the Prophet Abraham, in fact, wanted to find out how righteous, in actual reality, was his child for whom he had prayed to Allah. If the son himself was found to be ready to lay down his life for the sake of Allah's approval and pleasure, it would mean that the prayer had been fully granted, and the son was not his offspring in the natural way only but was morally aad spiritually also a true son.

The words clearly tell that the son had not taken the dream of his Prophet father to be a mere dream but a Command from Allah. Had it not been a Command actually, it was necessary that Allah should have explicitly or implicitly stated that the son of Abraham had mistaken it for a command. But the whole context is without any such allusion. On this very basis, there is the Islamic belief that the dream of the Prophets is never a mere dream it is also a kind of Revelation. Obviously, if a thing, which could become such a fundamental principle in the Divine Shari'ah, had not been based on reality, but had been a mere misunderstanding, it was not possible that Allah should not have refuted it. It is impossible for the one who believes the Qur'an to be Allah's Word, to accept That such an error and omission could emanate from Allah also.
فَلَمَّا أَسْلَمَا وَتَلَّهُ لِلْجَبِينِ
(37:103) When both surrendered (to Allah’s command) and Abraham flung the son down on his forehead, *61

*61 That is, "The Prophet Abraham did not make his son lit flat on his back but made him lie prostrate lest while slaughtering him the sight of his face should arouse compassion and lout and make him shaky. Therefore, he wanted to use the knife from under the throat" .
وَنَادَيْنَاهُ أَنْ يَا إِبْرَاهِيمُ
(37:104) We cried out: *62 “O Abraham,
قَدْ صَدَّقْتَ الرُّؤْيَا إِنَّا كَذَلِكَ نَجْزِي الْمُحْسِنِينَ
(37:105) you have indeed fulfilled your dream. *63 Thus do We reward the good-doers.” *64

*63 That is, "We did not make you see in the dream that you had actually slaughtered your son and he had died, but that you were slaughtering him. That Vision you have fulfilled. Now, it is not Our will w take the life of your child: the actual object of the vision has been fulfilled by your submission and preparation to sacrifice him for Our sake."

*64 That is, "We do not subject the people who adopt the righteous way to trials in order to involve them in trouble and distress and affliction just for the sake of it, but these trials are meant to bring out their excellencies and to exalt them to high ranks, and then We deliver them also safe and sound from the dilemma in which We place them for the sake of the trial. Thus, your willingness and preparation to sacrifice yow son is enough to entitle you to be exalted to the rank that could be attained only by the one who would actually have slaughtered his son for Our approval and pleasure. Thus, We have saved the life of yow child as well as exalted you to this high rank. "
إِنَّ هَذَا لَهُوَ الْبَلَاءُ الْمُبِينُ
(37:106) This was indeed a plain trial. *65

*65 That is, "The object was not to get yow son slaughtered through you but to test you to see that you did not hold anything of the world dearer than Us.
وَفَدَيْنَاهُ بِذِبْحٍ عَظِيمٍ
(37:107) And We ransomed him with a mighty sacrifice, *66

*66 "A great sacrifice" : A ram, as mentioned in the Bible and the Islamic traditions, that Allah's angel presented at the time before the Prophet Abraham, so that he should sacrifice it instead of his son. This has been called "a great sacrifice" because it was to serve as a ransom from a faithful servant like Abraham for a patient and obedient son like Ishmael, and Allah made it a means of fulfilling the intention of an unprecedented sacrifice. Another reason for calling it "a great" sacrifice is that AIlah made it a tradition till the Day of Resurrection that all the believers should offer animal sacrifice on the same date in the entire world so as to keep fresh the memory of the great and unique event signifying faithfulness and devotion."
وَتَرَكْنَا عَلَيْهِ فِي الْآَخِرِينَ
(37:108) and We preserved for him a good name among posterity.
سَلَامٌ عَلَى إِبْرَاهِيمَ
(37:109) Peace be upon Abraham.

translation from abul A'la Maududi. i think i might hv found something that i can sacrifice for the sake of Allah tomorrow. how bout you?

p/s: missing family mode..

copy paster,

nmj

sedikit selingan

2011-11-02T14:19:00.001Z

Bismillah.

Baru submit SSC slides untuk presentantion yang saya taklah berapa suka. Tapi bukankah besar maknanya membuat sesuatu yg kita tak suka jika niatnya kerana Allah ta'ala? Bukankah Allah mahu melihat usaha kita berbanding dengan nilai akhirnya? Tidakkah harta yang kita sedang kumpul itu bukannya kemegahan atau kesenangan dunia? Maka, mengapa cik adik gundah gelana?*chewah blush blush. falfasah skeyyt..walaupun ku tahu bahasa ibundaku agak memalukan standardnya ;p*

Baiklah. inginku bercerita. seorg insan sedang merawat hatinya yang sedikit terluka. bukanlah kerana perbuatan manusia. cuma, kadang-kadang terkesima dengan situasi yang menimpa hehe, Alhamdulillah setiap kesusahan itu pasti diikuti dengan kemudahan. Janji Allah itu pasti. Maka Allah sentiasa bersama, janganlah bersedih kerana perkara-perkara yang kecil dan rapuh ini. Mungkin Allah tetapkan yang demikian itu kerana Dia lebih tahu dan mahukan yang terbaik untukmu.

Okaylah, baik saya berhenti di sini sebelum memalukan diri lebih lanjut.

Salam perantau dari Bumi Allah,

nmj

of a kid loving comrade

2011-10-30T23:36:00.001Z

N&N

"sebab jalan kita sama kan..hehe" thanks! :)

just missing Amal in the picture. prefects 3i on duty block patrol during recess :p

-nmj

of a silent laughter

2011-10-25T12:57:00.004+01:00

Was in scrubs, just finished surgery. Thought it wasn't a very nice morning, just because theatre was a bit crowded with 2 STs, 1 aneas med student, 1 consultant, me and not to mention 2 anaesthetists and assistant nurses. To top it all off, the consultant was not really the 'teacher type'. He's nice no doubt, i just had to do a lot of asking, which is a bit of my downside -_-;

Anyway, i was quite relieved i managed to get through the morning without stepping on anyone's toes. as i was walking past the double doors to exit theatre unit, i looked to my left and saw a room. On the front it wrote:

'Dr Farthing'.

Hehe. That was my day all better again. Alhamdulillah.

-nmj ;p

of a moment to remember.

2011-10-23T19:19:00.005+01:00

cinta.

yg sebenar kpd Allah & Rasulullah. ^.^

nad, farihin & yaya somewhere near Keynsham?

cinta. kepada keluarga. cinta kepada kawan-kawan.

mereka. anugerah drp Allah. Alhamdulillah <3

p/s: winners of the bowling tournament?
(of course,only in our own heads ;p)

-nmj

of fleeting thoughts

2011-10-20T00:03:00.000+01:00

sitting in this dull room, one's mind just can't help but wonder somewhere else..

was reading Syeikhuna al-Banna's view on economy and politics and suddenly seems that my horizons are a bit too narrow to begin with..

and suddenly in need of an escapism which i love. JOM travel. problem is..where? and when? i know this is not the cure to what is happening in the world right now, but it can't hurt can it?

Alhamdulillah, had an enjoyable day out with the community midwife. myb that's why i need to escape the clutches of the hospital ground and all things associated with it.

sry, if i have been boring u too death with my petty thoughts, just needed an outlet to let all this madness run loose. ;) oh yeah, and remind me to call mama soon, last week she ws away for some seminar.

yours truly,
nmj

of two people

2011-10-14T08:23:00.004+01:00

it's been a while since we talked,

it's been a while since we spent hours shopping,

it's been a while since we had a private tete-a-tete in the car,

while satisfying our craving for burger jampi at night.

i miss you.

i don't know where you get your composed, calm self.

sometimes i think its from abah. but at times i feel u are more like mama.

or maybe because you are a female? i don't know. but it helped.

and i'm happy for your wonderful family.

because they are a part of me as well.

i pray everything will turn out well. insyaAllah, have faith in Allah and keep praying that He will guide you and give what's best.

please don't get freaked out by this. :p hehe.

i do still love you, cos you're my only older sister :)

of a gloomy October weather

2011-10-10T09:16:00.000+01:00

it wouldn't be valued if it wasn't difficult to get. -moi

yesterday i made a routine house call. mama was telling me that a friend at her office has started a new business, selling cheap overseas stuff at local prices. She was describing passionately the type of stuff her friend was selling, 'Baju-baju yg mcm awk pakai dulu, bukan yg skrg ni, yg macam dulu-dulu..yg mcm yanky yanky...' without any prejudice or judgement, she went on to the end of the story and how the business can bring some extra cash. haha in my heart, i knew exactly what she means. coz i still have the clothes in my closet, i just don't wear them now, or (maybe not that often ;p). Since mama is never the mom that forces things on us, she was never really pleased during my 'yanky yanky' days but she never would force the change. so when i heard what she said i was laughing inside because of a passing image of just how unpleasant i was but she was just patient. Allah. how our hearts can be easily turned around by You.

also a Hadith from at-Tobarani which is a Hadith Gharib from Anas,

Allah Azzawajalla berfirman: "Sesungguhnya ada di kalangan hamba-Ku tidak akan menjadi elok imannya kecuali oleh kemiskinan. skeiranya Aku limpah ruahkan rezeki kepadanya, dia akan rosak. sementara ada pula kalangan hamba-Ku tidak akan menjadi elok imannya melainkan oleh kekayaan. Jika Aku menimpakan kemiskinan kepadany, dia kan rosak. Ada kalangan hamba-Ku tidak akan menjadi elok imannya kecuali dia sihat. Jika aku menimpakan penyakit kepadanya, dia akan rosak. Ada juga kalangan hamba-Ku yang tidak akan menjadi elok imannya melainkan dia sakit. Jika Aku menjadikan dia sihat, dia akan rosak. Sesungguhnya ada kalangan hamba-Ku yang berusaha untuk beribadat, namun Aku menhannya agar hatinya tidak diresapi perasaan ujub. Sesungguhnya Aku mengurus hamba-hambaKu berdasarkan pengetahuan-Ku apa yang terkandung dalam hati mereka. Sesungguhnya Aku Maha Mengetahui lagi Amat Mendalam Pengetahuan. (Syarah 50 Hadith, Ibn Rajab)

It really is calming..that Allah knows us inside out. Maka bersangka baiklah dengan Allah, that Allah wants the best for us in times of ease or difficulty insyaAllah.

courtesy of yaya

missing home mode in the gloomy whether, uhuks :)

nmj

for future reference

2011-10-06T21:53:00.000+01:00

sitting in clinics, most of the time just watching a conversation take place where you just wonder at the end of it, what was the whole presenting complaint again? and your mind just goes blank. sitting for the whole 20 minutes trying to figure out what they were actually talking about. but at the end of it. you do pick up a few bits and bobs. and in tutorials when people are stuck on the prophylaxis you give a lady developing high b/p in early stages of pregnancy. you draw out your experiences and it all becomes worth again. of course, low dose of aspirin. guess what? i think i might just be in love with obs & gynae.

and you just can't help but wonder how does this male dominated speciality truly gives justice to women complaining of dysmenorrhea or associated symptoms when they aren't physiologically equipped with a menstrual cycle. i guess that's how far we have reached the standards of equality. hehe i still wonder though, why its male dominated. could it be because there's a fair amount of surgical skills required. but oh well.

its still early days, but its probably quite high on my list of interesting specialities.

Steve Jobs just passed away of pancreatic cancer. as a fan of his products, i can't help but feel a sense of sadness. first time i heard of him was in my ITGS class, a couple of years ago. quite an inspirational figure he is. i think his legacy could be found in every household. i just thought, it affected the whole world when he went, and his legacy will continue for numerous generations. just reminded me of Nabi Muhammad and his legacy that has brought rahmah to this world. should feel more honoured and love towards our beloved Rasul insyaAllah. صلى الله عليه وسلم

Great Western Hospital, Swindon,

nmj

of a warrywart

2011-09-29T20:05:00.000+01:00

bismillah,

while i wait for my fish & chips to cook, i'll spend a bit of time to update my life. as I am into my 3rd week into my obs & gynae rotation, i bump into a lot of ppl. ppl who are inspiring as well de-spiring, if there is such a word. hehe. but Alhamdulillah, more of the former.

i have also witnessed some miraculous events in life which is delivery. and i think it is truly an eye opener. how the fetus can twist and turn to fit in the pelvic bone, at very specific and strategic points to avoid injuries such as shoulder distocia. Subhanallah, Allah has pre-programmed us a way of keeping our lineage and generation ongoing. as you may well realise, westerners, whom most are atheist, often refer to Allah as 'nature'. Nature has provided us with such and such. which we, interpret as Allah's intelligence.

and slowly, just really slowly, i am in the midst of searching for myself, yet again. i guess it never ends, until someone tells me who i am, and i believe them (which there aren't that many i can assure you, i.e: mama & the family), i will never grow out of this phase? or until i feel i have achieved something great in life? or is just the temperaments of a medical student who hasn't quite decided what she wants to be and what will her future be like? Allah, i'm sorry, sometimes i forget, that i need to always remember to tawakkal to You. or i will constantly be a worrywart.

p/s: help! daddy long legs are attacking my room!

-nmj

for my eyes only

2011-09-24T11:44:00.000+01:00

silly me..i think i've fallen for someone 2 days ago, the next day, i discovered he was married, with a baby girl of 18 weeks, named Olivia. and he's going to finish his electives in October and fleeing back home to Trinidad (btw, he's a white trinidadian). His wife is chinese and she seems lovely. I think he must miss them terribly, that's probably why he showed me the pictures. such a nice, good looking (as pointed out by Claire, NOT me), young (26 yr old) man. i pray u and your family will be shown the path of Islam and become great Muslims insyaAllah (however random this thought is, i pray for the best of you). thanks for being so kind to me. i hope i don't bump into you again. if not, i might just hate your wife and your beautiful baby.

oh Allah, i wonder if there's a nice Muslim young man, as cool as the trinidadian guy out there for me. if not, maybe just anyone cool? haha. this is total madness. please do take me really seriously. :p

rambler,
nmj

of breast fed babies

2011-09-22T21:17:00.000+01:00

and it's kicking in.

homesickness. again. :'( this time, both bristol and malaysia.

huu~ yaAllah please strengthen my fickle little heart.

-nmj

of a perfect balance

2011-09-12T22:32:00.000+01:00

Alhamdulillah. such a simple word with such a huge meaning to it, right?

today, i slept after class due to pure knackedness. so after asr, i slept for about an hour. Alhamdulillah, Allah helped me to wake up in time for my Maghrib prayer with a knock from my next door friend. I've just started my placement in Swindon for O&G and Alhamdulillah the accomodation, hospital and groupmates are fine so far. She wanted to borrow my internet since hers is strangely not working. and i prayed Maghrib while she was doing her thing on my laptop. i did inform her beforehand just so she wouldn't get weird out by my telekung..hehe.

am currently reading 'Milestones' by Sayed Qutb. another book i nicked from home. in Malay, I think it's called Petunjuk sepanjang jalan. funnily enough, the book was bought in 1981, 7 years before i was born. i know i could just bought a new one to bring back, i just wanted a homey feel and hopes that mama & abah will also get some 'share' from me using this book. insyaAllah.

macbook's weirdly mirror imaged camera.

Jan. 1 1981. 30 years old.

a beautiful excerpt from the book,

"All this was possible because those who established this religion in the form of a state, a system and laws and regulations had first established it in their hearts and lives in the form of faith, character, worship and human relationships. they had been promised only one thing for the establishment of this religion - not victory, or power not even that this religion would be established by their hands, not related to anything of this world: - one promise, that of the Garden. that was the only promise given to them for all their striving for all the trials which they had endured, for their steadfastness in the face of the opposition of the forces of Jahiliyyah to that call, "There is no deity except God," which is abhorrent to those who are in power in any age and place." - Syed Qutb

sometimes, we are meant to be thinking big, to reform or 'islah' the community towards a better Islamic way of life. but it all starts from within, from an individual wanting Islam for him/herself first. I guess that's where the balance lies, trying to reform oneself, at the same time calling others to it as well, a continuous process. hehe easier said than done? wallahua'am.

-nmj

all praise is to Allah

2011-09-11T00:07:00.000+01:00

bismillah

as fickle minded as i could be, i decided to attend a seminar on family upbringing today at the very last minute. like. literally.

20 minutes to bus departure time and i'm still clicking on my laptop to confirm my online payment. hm, i guess it's true. if Allah will's you to be at one place you will be there, one way or another. biiznillah.

it all started a long time in a faraway land called malaysia..when i read the email i wasn't really bothered. partly because i didn't have good internet connection, partly because i didn't want to hear about building a family yet. to be honest, in my mind, i was thinking there was only so much that one can learn from theories but a bigger part of it is in applying it. and so i just kept a closed eye.

back in Bristol, i was still contemplating, should i go, or not. since i'll be leaving for my placement on sunday, i was worried i wouldn't have enough time to get back to bristol and pack. to make matters worse, i was terribly homesick. and i still am. i don't know if there's some minor dysfunction in my sense of smell but i keep on smelling mama's scent since i came back to Bristol. on my tudung, on my clothes and even my books. a bit weird but maybe mama accidently rubbed her fragrance when she was helping me pack. so it wouldn't help to hear a talk on family in this current condition as i would only think about them more. and so i thought.

eventually, after a long and strenuous thought, i buckled up and went. i guess i had a few reasons:

1. i have the free time now, why not utilise it

2. it's given by ustaz, there will definitely some sort of unsur rabbaniyah (which i'm dying for) even though i wasn't too keen on the family upbringing side

3. if our niat is for Allah, any amal would bring us reward insyaAllah

4. to apply kesyumulan Islam itself. although i was all geared up for the academic year and didn't want my motivation to be side tracked by other thoughts, doesn't every aspect of life goes hand in hand with each other?

so i guess that was it. and Alhamdulillah i really enjoyed it, even the travel and all. and a surprise was i got to meet my mum's naqibah, once upon a time as one of the panelist. :)

a few tips and learning points from today:

1. nk jd ibu/isteri kene byk sabar

2. kalau kita tlg agama Allah, Allah akan tlg kita

3. komunikasi yg baik penting, org Melayu byk gune body language as opposed to westerners yg lebih verbal

4. nk tidur sebut "Allah menjaga kita, Allah melihat kita" utk lembutkan hati kita dan ajar anak2
5. kene belajar hidup susah dulu, dan turunkan standard hidup kita utk masa depan yg lebih senang

hehe. i think that's all. i am quite embarassed about my level of writing and the things i talk about. i feel it's so petty compared to everyone elses. may Allah gives us benefit from this.

for future reference, at least if my naqibah asks me why i didn't want to go, i have something to tell her. ;)

nad.

p/s: this is song is dedicated to mama&abah and anyone else, as this is the wedding season. mabrouk :D

am back baybey

2011-09-05T03:28:00.000+01:00

bismillah..

to fight back the homey attachment i had reading the last entry, this post is supposed to bring back the Bristol spirit. huhu..

i'm currently reading Smart Heart by Rusdin S. Rauf. Despite the title written in English, it is actually a Malay book. or more accurately an Indonesian one. but i think it is really easy to understand and masyaAllah i think this person is truly a talented writer. I don't read much in Malay but this book Alhamdulillah i truly enjoyed though i still have another one third to finish it.

what is it about actually? it's how to achieve a Smart Heart. a 'smart' heart as defined by the author is 'hati yang lembut, lunak dan bersih'.

so just some snippets that i liked,

Abu Hurairah berkata,
Hati adalah raja and anggota badan sebagai bala tenteranya. Apabila rajanya baik, iaitu cerdas, baiklah pasukannya. Apabila rajanya tidak baik, tidak baiklah pasukannya.

"Hati adalah kuil yang tuhan tempatkan dlam diri setiap manusia. sebuah kuil bagi menampung percikan Tuhan di dalam diri kita. Kuil dalam diri kita ini lebih berharga daripada kuil yang paling suci di mana pun di muka bumi ini. Oleh sebab itu, melukai hati manusia lebih besar dosanya berbanding merosakkan tempat suci di dunia ini." - Heart, Self and Soul, Robert Frager

frankly i'm not really sure about the technicalities of the quote by Mr Frager but i understand that we can take the meaning of it and to try not to upset or harm anyone either deliberately or unintentionally, which is one of the Islamic teachings.

and another one, tips for reading from Andai buku itu sepotong pizza by Hernowo.

1- tentukan focus. apakah kebaikan membaca buku ni? apa yg boleh dipelajari drp buku ni?

2- cuba utk tidak biarkan satu perkataan pun yg tidak difahami

3- ambil masa. jgn paksa hati utk terus membaca menjadi jenuh

4- 'ikatlah' makna dgn menulis

5- jangan berhenti bertanya semasa membaca, bersikap kritis semasa membaca. apa yg cuba disampaikan penulis dalam bab ni?

6- ulangi pembacaan dgn menggunakan kecerdasan majmuk.

okay, maybe we can try this. right need to get back to sleep..

salam,

nmj

of a farewell

2011-09-05T02:53:00.000+01:00

bismillah,

by the name of Allah ar-Rahman, ar-Rahim..

throughout my twenty something years i have known myself to have an innate quality of being emotionally numb..though it might be deliberate at times..or it might just be a plainly sluggish emotional reaction to certain events before i truly unleash my feelings..

i'll give you an example, during the first night in boarding in form 4, my other 3 roommates cried of homesickness..and i didn't..

it wasn't until 2 weeks later that the homesick fever caught up to me..by then my roommates who were over theirs were the ones who comforted me.

and yesterday, when my family sent me off at KLIA i said to them don't cry, my friends will be there..if they wanted to, please do it in the car..hehe no one did. it was a joke. once i was in the aero train, my heart wanted to burst out with tears making me want to run back. but i didn't. and so today, am here in Bristol having defeated by my jet lagged self, i am a wake at 2am in the morning. huhu and quite dauntingly waiting for my first day of 4th year tomorrow. please pray everything will go well and smooothly insyaAllah.

we ols with nek Salmah and tok Om

just a bit about Ramadhan..as the majority of Muslims will definitely be full of sorrow and regret as the month of blessedness ends and awaits for the coming one. i too, have a certain amount of sadness to see the blessed month pass away. but it wasn't much. and today, as i was travelling back to Bristol, i wanted to cry because of Allah's mercy having allowed us to go through this year's Ramadhan and how much it has brought to us. having allowed us to spend it with our family at home. having allowed us to learn. learn more about ourselves. learn more about our family. and learn more about Islam. learn more about You.

having allowed us to perform our ibadah to You without any difficulties. having allowed us to purify ourselves from our mountains of sins. and having allowed us to reconnect ties of kinship. for all of this and many more. Alhamdulillah thummal hamdulillah. truly, La hawla wa la quwwata illa billah.

aqil at nek salmah's house, 1st raya

adah's bebito and combi with their 5 sons+daughters who were born during nuzul Qur'an

may Allah protect us all insyaAllah.

my love letter,

nmj

My summer snippets

2011-08-26T10:01:00.000+01:00

bismillah,

i know it's been a while since i posted a new entry. i would say, a major factor would be lack of alone time and quite a chipsmore-ish internet connection. but Alhamdulillah, there's still one. hehe

what have i done so far?

*after finishing my SSC, 31 July 2011

1. blk kg iftar at Melaka & Johor

2. iftar with Bangians

3. went to first half of KONSISTEN

4. spent a night at Along's house

5. iftar with MO6J

6. joined Bengkel IKRAMedia

7. IMAM meeting and met up with Bristolians

8. shopping barang

Alhamdulillah, i think this is quite acceptable for the past 18 days i've been free from the clutches of the miserable eSSC. Since both cars were fully utilised by my parents, i do feel i was quite a hassle to them having to send me here and there, although, they did say it was fine. insyaAllah may Allah bless them.

Alhamdulillah again, i think this summer has been really rejuvenating and i hope i will come back with a brighter spirit to Bristol insyaAllah.

-18 Ramadhan 2011

of wishy washy reporting

2011-07-16T01:16:00.000+01:00

bismillah,

Alhamdulillah, i've set foot in my home land 3 days ago. one thing for sure is the weather here has not changed. you can expect the heat and the jerebu. so i've had this sore throat since i arrived. to tell the truth, i'm not sure if it's the water in the plane or if it's the jerebu. hmm...i'm pretty sure it's the latter but i think it started on the plane.

oh well, on a more serious note, i've just 'melapor diri' for summer. which means, no hiding hiding anymore please. oh Allah ikhlaskanlah hati ku ini. is this just a normal decline in my learning curve or am i being too lenient on myself? kweng..guess only i will b able to answer that.

so since 3 days at home, i've had my daily Wii exercise. I'm currently a champ in boxing and tennis. haha virtual that is. oh yeah, and a bit of baseball too. I still need to work on my batting though. through out the day i run errands, i've been driving around a bit and also caught up with my biological jet lagged sleep. and also i've moved up a 100 words for my ssc. hehe very impressive don't you think? nguehehe..

and also, next week we'll start berKibar.

oh Allah please open up my heart and purify my niat. Ameen.

lessthanthree,

nad

of a time in the past

2011-07-06T14:21:00.000+01:00

it's been 3 years now, i hope one day our paths will cross again, insyaAllah. in the meantime, take care! missing you girls! hehe

much luv,
nmj

of sisterrrrs (2011)

2011-07-04T21:21:00.000+01:00

partners in crime~

@ Batu Pahat, 2009

7 days to go~ insyaAllah.

of nenek kebayan

2011-07-01T18:14:00.000+01:00

bismillah,

Salam sejahtera. Berita hari ini.

1) Alhamdulillahirabbil'alamin, I can now introduce myself as Nahdiya, I'm a 4th year medical student from Bristol.

2) I need to finish off my SSC which is so terribly utterly mundane before the above statement can be properly used.

3) oh, oh..check out this link, hehe my 'other' escapism from SSC

http://imamuk.wordpress.com/

grrr,

-nadmj

rain n smiles =summer camp UK 2011

2011-06-27T09:30:00.000+01:00

Alhamdulillah for giving us the chance...

to give better meaning to the things we do in life..insyaAllah.

i quote a sister "semua org bercamping, kita nampak ramai mat salleh camping, tapi apa bezanya camping kita dgn camping mereka adalah makna. Kita ada makna yang lebih besar kepada aktiviti yang kita buat, mungkin kita tak byk berjaulah ke tempat-tempat lain, tapi jaulah yang bermaknalah yang lebih berharga."

Pennine way, yorkshire dale

and here's a list of what this year's summer camp meant to me insyaAllah:

hidup yang sekejap di dunia

pain is temporary as is rain, but a good deed/pahala is forever insyaAllah. Alhamdulillah utk ruang-ruang yang Allah beri utk kita beramal.

solat in the rain. hehe n that's me trying to join the saf ;)

nikmat dan rahmat Allah yang terlampau luas

without being wet, we wouldn't appreciate being dry. without wet clothes and shoes, we wouldn't appreciate our warm and dry garments. without having to drive for 4 and a half hours we wouldn't appreciate the services along the way. hehe

وَإِنْ تَعُدُّوا نِعْمَةَ اللَّهِ لَا تُحْصُوهَا إِنَّ اللَّهَ لَغَفُورٌ رَحِيمٌ
(16:18) If you try to reckon up Allah's blessings, you cannot count them. Indeed, He is Forgiving and Compassionate

and to appreciate Allah's nikmat as best as possible. to always question ourselves what are we doing with Allah's nikmat that we are graciously given for free and using everyday? are we using it for the good?

Janet's Foss Waterfall

to always have good faith in Allah and to not complain about the weather ;)

the day we had our hiking was terrible because it was raining throughout the day. and in my dark and damaged heart, i was thinking this is so bad..oh Allah please make it sunny. i prayed and prayed silently. but it still didn't change. but i was still happy nevertheless the walk was great, and it went smoothly Alhamdulillah. then, we had out tadabbur on Malham Cove and we went through the verses from surah an-Nahl 1-18..but these two particular versus struck me.

هُوَ الَّذِي أَنْزَلَ مِنَ السَّمَاءِ مَاءً لَكُمْ مِنْهُ شَرَابٌ وَمِنْهُ شَجَرٌ فِيهِ تُسِيمُونَ

(16:10) It is He, Who sends down for you water from the sky, which provides drinking water for you and brings forth fodder for your cattle.
يُنْبِتُ لَكُمْ بِهِ الزَّرْعَ وَالزَّيْتُونَ وَالنَّخِيلَ وَالْأَعْنَابَ وَمِنْ كُلِّ الثَّمَرَاتِ إِنَّ فِي ذَلِكَ لَآَيَةً لِقَوْمٍ يَتَفَكَّرُونَ

(16:11) And thereby He grows for you crops and olives and date-palms and vines and different kinds of many other fruits. Surely there is a great Sign in this for those people who ponder.

it was such a blow to my selfish self. in the heat of the moment i must've forgotten that Allah sent down His rain as a blessing to us. and I quickly said istighfar. may Allah forgive me. the next thing i knew, with every drop of rain, i smiled. and i felt uplifted as though each drop was a hug. a sign of love and care from Him. the funny thing is, the next day which was our last, was really bright and sunny and hot too. and i thought, it would have probably been worse hiking in this weather as we would have been sweating profusely and dropped down to our knees from exhaustion in an instant. which ever way, truly Allah knows best. and so, if ever i complain about the weather being too hot, or the rain non-stop can you remind me to stop and have good faith in Allah, pleaseeee? ^^

Gordale Scar, Yorkshire Dale

at-tadhiyyah

another quote from a sister a.k.a kemkom "sebenarnya waktu kita rasa berat dan kena berkorban, waktu itulah kita diuji, kalau kita rasa senang je sebenarnya kita belum teruji lagi." so basically, if we are not yet tested than how do we know that we have actually grasped the many theories we've learned so far. because the end point of learning something is always in the amal, insyaAllah.

Allah, it scares me everytime I write things in here because we will always be tested for every word we say. Astaghfirullah astaghfirullah astaghfirullah. but i know if i don't write this down somewhere part of it will be forgotten and become a distant memory. and i hope that won't happen. ;)

sisterly love..fillah insyAllah

may Allah help us to become better people and grant us the understanding we need and the strength to practice what we preach insyaAllah.

p/s: congrats to the childhood bestfriend who just tied the knot on the 24th of june. in the midst of waiting at the checkpoint for summer camp explorace, i was thinking of you guys and wished i could be there. hehe. congrats again Mrs. 'Atikah! (i didn't forget the apostrophe hehe)

yours sincerely (which means without wax),

nmj

of growth hormone

2011-06-21T18:24:00.000+01:00

bismillah

In endocrinology, we learn that too much growth hormone (GH) will lead to acromegaly, while insufficient GH will cause cretinism or dwarfism.

unfortunately today is not about the above growth hormone but rather about a special growth hormone that one need's to be actively produced for others to benefit from.

about a few weeks ago, we had a Malaysian Club dinner, and there was a speech given by Dr Evans, the club's advisor. One thing that I truly appreciate from it is that we need one another to help us grow. We have a responsibility to our friends, to our love one's and to people around us to help one another to improve and become better people. And i truly agree since a good society would indefinitely consist of good people.

as i was reading through Fathi Yakan's BP, i want to share hadith Rasulullah, as a reminder for me especially, yang bermaksud:

"Awas kalian drp sifat prasangka. Sesungguhnya prasangka itu adalah kata-kata yg paling dusta. Jngn saling olok-mengolok, intai-mengintai (kesalahan), atas-mengatasi, dengki-mendengki, benci-membenci dan jebak-menjebak. Jadilah kalian laksana hamba-hamba Allah yg bersaudara seperti yang telah diperintahkan kpd kalian. seorg Muslim itu adalah saudara seorg Muslim lain. Jgnlah ia menzalimi saudaranya; jgnlah ia membiarkannya (apabila ia dizalimi); jgnlah ia menghina saudaranya. Taqwa itu letaknya di sini. Taqwa itu letaknya di sini, seraya menunjuk ke dadanya.' Cukuplah bg seorg Muslim itu kejahatan (dosa) menghina saudaranya yg Mu'min haram bg sesorg Muslim itu (menceroboh) darah (nyawa) nama baik dan harta sesorg Muslim yg lain." (Hadith riwayat Malek, Bukhari, Muslim, Abu Daud dan Tarmizi)

a diversion from doing SSC,

-nmj

temporary abode

2011-06-17T13:41:00.000+01:00

dunia is but a temporary home.

of seeking pleasure

2011-06-13T22:06:00.000+01:00

It amazes me to see how I could stay up at night to finish Dan Brown's The Lost Symbol but I couldn't bring myself more than an hour to go through Syed Qutb's before dozing off. Truly in pleasure there is some sort of power?

"Janganlah anda cepat merasa puas dengan melihat nama anda tercantum sebagai seorang Islam dalam daftar tanda penduduk anda, tetapi berusahalah agar nama anda tercatat dalam buku catatan Allah sebagai hambanya yang patuh." (MHM, Al-Maududi)

"Tidak ada gunanya bila seluruh manusia di dunia ini memberikan surat keterangan bahawa anda adalah seorang Islam. Kejayaan anda yang sebenarnya terletak dalam penilaian yang diberikan oleh Allah, bahwa anda adalah seorang Mu'min, bukannya seorang munafiq, seorang beriman, bukannya seorang kafir." (MHM, Al-Maududi)

the copy paster,
nmj

just plain rambling

2011-06-12T23:32:00.000+01:00

bismillah

among the things i find challenging growing up is the ambiguity in distinguishing the yellow from the orange, the red from the pink and the brown from the black. you may think i might be suffering from colour blindness but i am quite sure to say it's far from that. i'm actually talking figuratively.

the black and the white. if only the grey doesn't exist. then again, what is life without the space to exercise one's mental abilities? and the reward He gives us for being stressed out over something minute.

Allah, please guide me in making the right choices in life. insyaAllah. and also the strength to stick with the choices made.

-nmj

of a pacifier

2011-06-08T00:41:00.000+01:00

bismillah.

first and foremost, Alhamdulillah for exams that come and most importantly GO! ;) just like anything created on this world.

i was so bogged down recently and i wasn't sure why, and to top it all, my mood also went down hill, and then i came across some ayats in surah at-taghabun which made my day,

يُسَبِّحُ لِلَّهِ مَا فِي السَّمَوَاتِ وَمَا فِي الْأَرْضِ لَهُ الْمُلْكُ وَلَهُ الْحَمْدُ وَهُوَ عَلَى كُلِّ شَيْءٍ قَدِيرٌ

(64:1) All that is in the heavens and all that is in the earth extols Allah’s glory. His is the sovereignty and to Him is all praise due; He has power over everything.

هُوَ الَّذِي خَلَقَكُمْ فَمِنْكُمْ كَافِرٌ وَمِنْكُمْ مُؤْمِنٌ وَاللَّهُ بِمَا تَعْمَلُونَ بَصِيرٌ

(64:2) He it is Who has created you: and among you are those that deny the Truth and among you are those that believe in it. Allah observes all that you do.

خَلَقَ السَّمَوَاتِ وَالْأَرْضَ بِالْحَقِّ وَصَوَّرَكُمْ فَأَحْسَنَ صُوَرَكُمْ وَإِلَيْهِ الْمَصِيرُ

(64:3) He created the heavens and the earth with Truth and shaped you, giving you excellent shapes. And to Him is your ultimate return.

يَعْلَمُ مَا فِي السَّمَوَاتِ وَالْأَرْضِ وَيَعْلَمُ مَا تُسِرُّونَ وَمَا تُعْلِنُونَ وَاللَّهُ عَلِيمٌ بِذَاتِ الصُّدُورِ

(64:4) He knows what is in the heavens and the earth, and knows what you conceal and what you disclose. Allah even knows what lies hidden in the breasts of people.

xx,

post final exam 3rd year,

6/7/11

nmj

the uncanny rambler

2011-05-27T17:14:00.000+01:00

what happens when you come to a point and realise that fairytales also have expiry dates?

can someone tell me to take a deep breath, and stand strong darling,

because swaying to and fro are only cool for rocking chairs and palm trees on the beach.

in search of inspiration?

arhhhhh.

Rabbi yassir wa la tuassir..

2011-05-26T08:00:00.001+01:00

OSCE here we come! bismillah

2011-05-19T23:57:00.000+01:00

لَا تَجِدُ قَوْمًا يُؤْمِنُونَ بِاللَّهِ وَالْيَوْمِ الْآَخِرِ يُوَادُّونَ مَنْ حَادَّ اللَّهَ وَرَسُولَهُ وَلَوْ كَانُوا آَبَاءَهُمْ أَوْ أَبْنَاءَهُمْ أَوْ إِخْوَانَهُمْ أَوْ عَشِيرَتَهُمْ أُولَئِكَ كَتَبَ فِي قُلُوبِهِمُ الْإِيمَانَ وَأَيَّدَهُمْ بِرُوحٍ مِنْهُ وَيُدْخِلُهُمْ جَنَّاتٍ تَجْرِي مِنْ تَحْتِهَا الْأَنْهَارُ خَالِدِينَ فِيهَا رَضِيَ اللَّهُ عَنْهُمْ وَرَضُوا عَنْهُ أُولَئِكَ حِزْبُ اللَّهِ أَلَا إِنَّ حِزْبَ اللَّهِ هُمُ الْمُفْلِحُونَ

(58:22) You shall not find a people who believe in Allah and the Last Day befriending those who oppose Allah and His Messenger even though they be their fathers or their sons or their brothers or their kindred. He has inscribed faith in their hearts and has strengthened them with a spirit from Him, and He shall make them enter Gardens beneath which rivers flow. Therein they shall abide. Allah is well-pleased with them, and they are well-pleased with Him. They belong to Allah’s party. Verily Allah’s party shall prosper.

of a h moment

2011-05-19T07:14:00.000+01:00

bismillah.

i was about to rest my eyes, when curiosity suddenly struck me. my fingers started twitching and without jeopardising my body's need for heat (aka without moving out of the duvet) i reached for the OHCM or what is referred to the Cheese & Onion in the med students world.

with a deep thought in mind, scrutinising every incident as it happened, looking at the index page for what is appropriate, and finally...finally wondering if the search is over.

trembling with fear, i was shocked at the distinct similarity ingrained in ink.

page 269.

Wilson's disease.

am I a victim?

*lol! hypochondriacal moment over* clap2

ok, i was looking through the disease i figured there were some familiarities - labile emotions. or is that just a common feature for a group of productive unpredictable mammals, commonly known as women?

ngeh.

a bit of blabbering in the morning sun.

Alhamdulillahillazi ahyana ba'dama amatana wa ilaihin nushur..

ALhamdulillah for allowing us to breath again this morning and to blabber on for the day.

-nmj

2011-05-18T18:08:00.000+01:00

someone deactivated her fb..since you come here a lot,
wondering how you're doing?

:)

xxx

post long case exam.

2011-05-17T18:21:00.000+01:00

bismillah.

ahah. so i've been fiddling around with the layout a bit.

this is my so called post long case de-stress mode..

and to suit the outlook of things, i've also added in a bit or two to the title.

a bit of optimism wouldn't hurt insyaAllah. ;)

yiowzerr!

2011-05-13T18:26:00.001+01:00

time flies by so quickly. Friday. Saturday. Sunday. Monday. Tuesday. EXammmmm!!!

I know I haven't been a very good servant, Allah, i really need Your help.

my best friend's upcoming wedding

2011-05-06T08:21:00.000+01:00

"Dear Ms 'Atikah Rozhan,
I am writing in misery at this very moment as the reality just dawned on me that i would not be able to make it to my best friend's wedding.

pls accept my apologies and may the force be with you.

...that is, may Allah shower you with His blessing on that day and the many many days to come insyaAllah and may your ceremony run as smoothly as a cup of Tropicana orange juice SMOOTH with no bits in it. Amin.

luvs,
-nmj xx"

6/5/11 - Facebook

of a self-diagnosis

2011-05-04T13:02:00.001+01:00

coughing for a week
green sputum for the past 3-4 days
started having snot yesterday
temperature of 38 degrees
central chest pain from coughing

amoxicillin for 7 days, 3 times a day.
sick note for 5 days..wee~

اللهم اشف شفاءً لا يغادر سقماً

La hawla wa la quwwata illa billah

2011-05-01T11:18:00.000+01:00

bismillah.

Alhamdulillah, these past few days have really proven La hawla wa la quwwata illa billah.

it started with an easter holiday that was meant to be a period of catching up with the neglected Kumar & Clark, Oxford Handbook of Clinical Medicine, McLeod's and a few others.

but Alhamdulillah, Allah knows best. and indeed, it is the best insyaAllah.

optimistic.

a very simple term with a deep and inspiring meaning. that was the most valuable thing i appreciated from IMAM symposium yesterday.

the speakers were extraordinary medical professionals with incorporated Islamic fikrah. masyaAllah. how often do we get the oppurtunity to draw on their thoughts and experience? so Alhamdulillah, Allah willed for us to make it through the 3 and a half hours drive to Manchester that morning, although we left half an hour later than planned, we made it 10 minutes into the first speech.

a quote from Dr Burhanuddin,

"Maher zain didn't stop singing when he saw there were so many singers,

Mark Zuckerberg didn't stop when he saw many other social networking sites, Friendster, Myspace."

and they won.

so we shouldn't stop trying either.

In one of his speeches, Prof Abdul Rasyid mentioned an ayat from our book of guidance,

وَالَّذِينَ جَاهَدُوا فِينَا لَنَهْدِيَنَّهُمْ سُبُلَنَا وَإِنَّ اللَّهَ لَمَعَ الْمُحْسِنِينَ

(29:69) As for those who strive in Our cause, We shall surely guide them to Our Ways. Indeed Allah is with those who do good.

so we should always try to do the most good that we can do, becoming great doctors for the Ummah, seizing each oppurtunity as it comes along, and striving to become the best.

learning to appreciate and cherish knowledge as it is all from The Almighty, and using it to benefit mankind.

"Khairun nas man Yanfaunnas" - the best people are those who benefit others

thus, what is there to hold us back from grabbing the chance to become the best? when we know Allah is with us, those who are doing good insyaAllah.

in a meeting after the event, he said, "Dakwah is not just in usrah, because that itself is actually secularism in Islam".

and I learned, dakwah is in every bit of our life. be it smiling to patients, reading doa to them in consultations, and becoming a role model House Officer with Islamic values insyaAllah.

p/s: notice the highlighted part in the ayat? nahdiya ^_^

-nmj

bismillah

2011-04-26T23:17:00.000+01:00

aunty hani with the baby monster

nut, honey and fairy cakes..food based names..hehe

princess pinky

ok, em, beware on the other side is the 'closed eyes boundary' aka sunbathing men, euww.

a weekend getaway (in the midst of so many things to do?) nevertheless Alhamdulillah, a really enjoyable time. subhanAllah. mashaAllah. tq Allah.

p/s: perhaps i shouldn't have any other excuses not to study? ;p esok bgn awal, hantar kete, pastu study!!!!!

-nmj

so there is actually a conclusion.

2011-04-24T23:32:00.000+01:00

that life is not worth living if we all live like robots.

binneka tunggal eka! unity in diversity.

everyone is unique. and i purposely use this word in its true meaning and not a euphemism for any negative remark. human potential is undoubtly huge. and so i've learned. from someone who is very dear to me, my little sister dids.

i've never known her to become a leader let alone be able to organise a homestay event and speak in front of many. but she did it and she enjoyed it. though come to think of it, her nursery teacher did call her 'bossy boots' back then. maybe her teacher knew her better than we did. Alhamdulillah, her talent.

i've also learned so much from a sister. an older sister who's close in my heart. who always puts others in front of herself. though her tribulations are more than one could imagine. and ongoing. she keeps on fighting every minute of every day.

she is an inspiration, even if one might not say it out loud to her. her efforts spell it out.

even in the deepest trench, she thinks as a Muslimah. what could be more inspiring?

may Allah make us servants who live under His blessing in every inch insyaAllah.

-nmj

hak

2011-04-24T23:07:00.000+01:00

bismillah.

kerana setiap org itu ada haknya, seperti juga setiap huruf hija'iyyah yang mempunyai makhrajnya yang tersendiri.

dari al-jauf, asy-syafatain, al-halqum, al-lisan

hak yang perlu kita tunaikan, sebaik yang mungkin.

وَرَتِّلِ الْقُرْآَنَ تَرْتِيلً

and recite the Qur’an slowly and distinctly. (73:4)

agar kalimah-kalimah yang kita baca tepat maknanya, juga sama sebagaimana Rasulullah menyebutnya. ayat-ayat yang dibacakan kepada kaum Musyrikin, kepada kaum Muslimin adalah ayat-ayat yg sama yang kita bacakan hari ini. merpakan mukjizat utama Rasulullah dalam menyampaikan Islam.

seperti itu juga pentingnya kita menunaikan hak-hak org di sekeliling. kerana pada dasarnya adalah menunaikan hak kita kepada Allah. untuk hidup sebagai hambaNya. bukan hidup memenuhi nafsu sendiri insyaAllah.

peringatan buat diriku yang sering terlalai.

p/s: note to self, alihkan kereta pg esok.

-nmj

2011-04-17T23:05:00.000+01:00

hihi, andai tidak tidur kebekuan bersleeping bag dlm khemah, masakan dihargai kehangatan tidur berduvet dlm rumah. -post tarbiyah SCUK'11 :)

2011-04-15T19:56:00.000+01:00

Allah.

breathe. just breathe.

2011-04-12T18:47:00.000+01:00

and everytime I pray, everytime she stops her car by the corner of my house, waits for me to get my stuff and bid her goodbye, that Allah will guide her heart to Islam.

one day insyaAllah. Amin.

2011-04-10T08:19:00.000+01:00

bismilllah.

a dear sister said to me a couple of days back, the heart is the window to all evil and all good. just how Rasulullah conveyed in hadith 6 on the importance of purifying our hearts. on the same day before in my family we went through the ayat,

لَوْلَا إِذْ سَمِعْتُمُوهُ ظَنَّ الْمُؤْمِنُونَ وَالْمُؤْمِنَاتُ بِأَنْفُسِهِمْ خَيْرًا وَقَالُوا هَذَا إِفْكٌ مُبِينٌ
(24:12) When you heard of it, why didn't the Believing men and the Believing women have a good opinion of themselves, and why did they not say, "This is a manifest slander?"

which suggests that we should always have good opinions on our brothers and sisters. or the term we are more familiar with, husnuzhon. ;)

adah with her bff and the little sister of the bff. choms la. i miss home. will be home soon insyaAllah.

luvs,
nmj

al-ferasaan

2011-04-02T10:48:00.000+01:00

sy sayang mereka.
dan kadang-kadang sy terfikir, mungkinkah itu lebih baik untuk mereka?
mungkin kerana noda2 hitam di hati, cahaya Allah tak dapat menembusi.
kerana
kerana kekurangan diri, hati mereka menyepi.
moga Allah menjaga mereka.
moga Allah mengampuni kelemahan & kesilapan diri ini.

xx
-nmj

2011-03-30T09:38:00.001+01:00

bismillah.

today, i'm going to write about podocytes. the other day, our lecturer mispelled it on his slides to po0docytes. that was funny. hehe. try saying it. sorry for the weird opening sentences, but this is not what the main idea is about.

back to the point, for some of you who might have not taken bio in IB/Alevels/matrics/college, podocytes are the small cells sticking onto the blood vessels in the nephron (kidneys).

i'll show you a picture of it. (courtesy of uncle Google)

although they might look like creepy crawlies or the bad pirate squid guy in Pirates of the Caribbean, i find these guys are quite fetching. don't you think so? and probably our admiration in any creations on this earth should be attributed to Allah. subhanAllah.

research shows that these podocytes actually run along the blood vesels and sits themselves on a spot and then cleanse the blood vessel wall by a mechanism called (i can't remember) let's just call it flushing. basically, underneath the podocytes is the subpodoctes space (SPS). fluid from inside the blood vessel will move out to the SPS then move back into the blood vessel. and that is how the podocytes cleanses the vessel wall, which is very important because our vessel wall in the kidneys are what is used to filter our blood from foreign/toxic stuff. so its important to make sure the filter itself is clean. so after that part is clean, the podocytes will then move to another spot, and do the same thing. does it make sense to you? or maybe i'm just making sense to myself. haha. sorry! -_-;

comel kan Allah's creation? pakcik2 podocytes tiny yg byk berjasa. subhanAllah. and the same goes to our hearts. it's important for us to cleanse it from time to time. if our heart is what we use to filter the right from wrong, it definitely has to be kept clean. from dosa, from disease (penyakit hati..hehe), and make it sparkling clean insyaAllah.

[إِنَّ فِي خَلْقِ السَّمَـوَتِ وَالاٌّرْضِ وَاخْتِلَـفِ اللَّيْلِ وَالنَّهَارِ وَالْفُلْكِ الَّتِى تَجْرِى فِى الْبَحْرِ بِمَا يَنفَعُ النَّاسَ وَمَآ أَنزَلَ اللَّهُ مِنَ السَّمَآءِ مِن مَّآءٍ فَأَحْيَا بِهِ الاٌّرْضَ بَعْدَ مَوْتِهَا وَبَثَّ فِيهَا مِن كُلِّ دَآبَّةٍ وَتَصْرِيفِ الرِّيَـحِ وَالسَّحَابِ الْمُسَخَّرِ بَيْنَ السَّمَآءِ وَالأَرْضِ لآيَـتٍ لِّقَوْمٍ يَعْقِلُونَ ]

(Verily, in the creation of the heavens and the earth, and in the alternation of night and day, and the ships which sail through the sea with that which is of use to mankind, and the water which Allah sends down from the sky and makes the earth alive therewith after its death, and the moving creatures of all kinds that He has spread therein, and in the veering of winds and clouds which are held between the sky and the earth, are indeed signs for people of understanding.) (2:164)

let's start our spring cleaning iAllah! ;D
-nmj

2011-03-26T11:52:00.000Z

all this rant is so unncessary. i'm so sorry if people have been reading this. i seriously need to mend myself. i've been acting unreasonable for the past few days. or maybe weeks. part of me says its because i haven't come to terms yet with my lost. part of me says its the hard work, or the lack of. and a deeper part of me is whispering that i've lost my passion. which i seriously need searching for right now.

i need a quick fix.

Allah, help me please. Amin.

2011-03-25T15:55:00.001Z

hihik..just got off the phone with mum. it's the best feeling. especially after some time now i haven't called home. and the weather today is fantastic Alhamdulillah. ;)

a bit of newsflash from home: adah is now a mother! and so young..my 10 year old sister is now a proud mother of 2 rabbits. combi and comba. and this weekend she's gone off to kem fatayat leaving her babies with their grans. apparently she's the new popular kid on the block because of her new rabbit babies. hmm. i wonder if my pet rabbit that i let out the cage once will ever come back.

2011-03-16T18:17:00.000Z

bismillah.

it's been a while since i've written. i've been pondering silently and soothing out my heart from a small tear. and Alhamdulillah, i think its slowly healing. :)

this week, i've managed to catch my breath from the hospital work. we, the 3rd years have been banned from the wards to give way for 5th years long cases. although, i am losing out on potential patients to clerk, the positive side is there will be no more vicious fighting with 5th years for patients after this since they'll be gone. GONE i tell you. yeah, off to somewhere exotic for their electives.

so, that's that. and my formative long case is tomorrow. NOOOOO~ i hate oral assessments. hat with a capital H and an e added at the end. Hate!

right, enough with the so called therapeutic rambling. i've been listening to a few talks to fill in the unusually abundant free time i have at home. i've been listening to talks on TED and BBC. the TED one was about balancing life and work, while the BBC was slightly more serius topic which is moderation in islamic countries of something like that. and i came to a conclusion. my lessons for this week:

1. work for your own sake and compete your own self. (not forgetting, lillahita'ala.) thing is, most of us have different ways of learning, different working ethics, different ideas and values. which makes no sense to do it some other person's way if our capabilities are different. and also, i think the healthiest form of competition is with one self. cause there won't be any judgement or animosity towards others.
*note to self: please think about what i want to be which i still don't have the foggiest!* growing up is so difficult.

2. an individual's stand does not represent a whole nations stand. 2 things i want to stress is the ability to make peace with one's decision, which might not be agreeable with others, and also the importance of tarbiyah. or education instead of imposing. (i was taken aback when Msia's PM mentioned about it. hihi, in a good way.) and also on this topic, would i be mean to laugh at Rosmah's statement? hihi.

3. my iman needs ignition. it's been 2 weeks i haven't given proper usrah. and on that note, i musn't forget my homework as well..

فَوَيْلٌ لِلَّذِينَ يَكْتُبُونَ الْكِتَابَ بِأَيْدِيهِمْ ثُمَّ يَقُولُونَ هَذَا مِنْ عِنْدِ اللَّهِ لِيَشْتَرُوا بِهِ ثَمَنًا قَلِيلًا فَوَيْلٌ لَهُمْ مِمَّا كَتَبَتْ أَيْدِيهِمْ وَوَيْلٌ لَهُمْ مِمَّا يَكْسِبُونَ

(2:79) So woe to their learned people, who write the law with their own hands and then say to the people, "This is from Allah," so that they might gain some paltry worldly end. (They do not see that) this writing of their hands will bring woe to them and what they gain thereby will lead to their ruin.

4. in love with this nasyid. luvit luvit luvit! xx

please pray to Allah, for my long case tomorrow. thanks!

2011-03-14T10:22:00.000Z

2011-03-07T20:51:00.001Z

bismillah,

sometimes i wonder. is there more to life than being a medical student? i am again in this phase of feeling trapped. Allah, please shower me with peace and provide me with sabr.

2011-02-17T07:13:00.000Z

bismillah,

إِنَّ اللَّهَ اشْتَرَى مِنَ الْمُؤْمِنِينَ أَنْفُسَهُمْ وَأَمْوَالَهُمْ بِأَنَّ لَهُمُ الْجَنَّةَ

9:111 Indeed Allah has bought from the Believers their persons and their possessions in return for the Gardens...

The transaction mentioned in v. 111 is concerning the voluntary surrender of this freedom to Allah's Will. In other words, Allah wills to test man whether he acknowledges the ownership of Allah over his life and property, in spite of that freedom, and considers himself to be their trustee only, or behaves as if he were their owner and so could do whatever he liked with them. (Abul Ala al-Maududi)

Sebagaimana anda menyebut org yg menguasai tanah org lain tanpa hak sbg perampas, maka demikian pula halnya, anda akan disebut perampas bila anda menganggap pemberian Allah sbg milik anda sendiri dan mempergunakannya menurut kemauan anda sendiri atau kemauan org lain, selain Allah. (Syed Qutb, Manhaj Islam)

trying hard to live for Allah, insyaAllah
nmj

2011-02-15T18:16:00.000Z

salam.

feels like it's been ages since i last blogged. am so knackered doing this rotation. but i saw a lap chole today, on screen and it was the highlight of my day. yep, being the pathetic med student. even a virtual surgery would do.

when i was in primary, we had to ask muallimah's permission whenever we needed to be excused to go to the loo. "muallimah, uridu an azhabu ila dauratul miyah". "na'am" muallimah will say. dauratul miyah = toilet. daurah = toi. ngehe..my tired mind still has some energy left to go down the joking route. the point i'm making is, i think i learnt quite a lot from the latest daurah. (or that is what i think). hm. maybe i do need to read more stuff.

on this special day of Prophet Muhammad's birth day peace be upon him, let us salawat and try our best to become this selfless incredible man Allah has sent down to us as guidance. this man, who even on his death bed was putting others in front of himself, when the last words he spoke were, "ummati, ummati, ummati." and if he was only doing da'wa to for jannah, he was already promised jannah before he passed away. and that would have probably stopped him from continuing da'wa. instead, he didn't stop for that but lived his life's cause for Allah's sake (read: mardhatillah) entwined with deep concern for the betterment of the human race.

AllahummasallialasayyidinaMuhammad.

may we work to become a better ummah, lillah. insyaAllah.

-nmj

2011-02-09T18:15:00.000Z

bismillah,

due to the stress of staring at the biliary tree, pictures of jaundiced chaps and whatnot, i decided to turn my attention to a supposedly less straining activity. indulging in the fun and wonderful blogosphere.

so. what have i been up to today? saw some colonoscopies, gastroscopies, sigmoidoscopies and photocopies. ha-ha. *okay, i'll stop with the silly jokes. Alhamdulillah, i think today was quite a good day. but i didn't manage to talk to Abah. it's his 50th birthday today. may Allah bless Abah. aside from that, the day's been pretty productive. i even made some mac & cheese for my packed lunch tomorrow. the severe slacker has now transformed into a mild slacker. ngehe.

right, i went through this ayat recently,

وَإِذَا كُنْتَ فِيهِمْ فَأَقَمْتَ لَهُمُ الصَّلَاةَ فَلْتَقُمْ طَائِفَةٌ مِنْهُمْ مَعَكَ وَلْيَأْخُذُوا أَسْلِحَتَهُمْ فَإِذَا سَجَدُوا فَلْيَكُونُوا مِنْ وَرَائِكُمْ وَلْتَأْتِ طَائِفَةٌ أُخْرَى لَمْ يُصَلُّوا فَلْيُصَلُّوا مَعَكَ وَلْيَأْخُذُوا حِذْرَهُمْ وَأَسْلِحَتَهُمْ وَدَّ الَّذِينَ كَفَرُوا لَوْ تَغْفُلُونَ عَنْ أَسْلِحَتِكُمْ وَأَمْتِعَتِكُمْ فَيَمِيلُونَ عَلَيْكُمْ مَيْلَةً وَاحِدَةً وَلَا جُنَاحَ عَلَيْكُمْ إِنْ كَانَ بِكُمْ أَذًى مِنْ مَطَرٍ أَوْ كُنْتُمْ مَرْضَى أَنْ تَضَعُوا أَسْلِحَتَكُمْ وَخُذُوا حِذْرَكُمْ إِنَّ اللَّهَ أَعَدَّ لِلْكَافِرِينَ عَذَابًا مُهِينًا

(4:102) (O Messenger!) If you are among the believers and rise (in the state of war) to lead the Prayer for them, let a party of them stand with you to worship, keeping their arms. When they have performed their prostration, let them go behind you, and let another party who have not prayed, pray with you, remaining on guard and keeping their arms, for the unbelievers love to see you heedless of your arms and your baggage so that they might swoop upon you in a surprise attack. But there shall be no blame upon you if you were to lay aside your arms if you are either troubled by rain or are sick; but remain on guard. Surely Allah has prepared a humiliating chastisement for the unbelievers.

this is solat al-khawf which means performing solat when in fear or danger. so this is how Rasulullah & sahabat were to solat in battles. and it amazes me. one thing, is how closely Rasulullah & sahabah protect they prayers, even under death threats they still perform solat. the second thing, how they perform the solat in congregation. so, there's no reason to miss solat. and, to try solat berjamaaaa-ah.

learning points for me:

1. priorities, priorities, priorities. set your priorities!

2. hamasah syabab. stories about battles always makes me fired up. i remember watching the Lord of the Rings battle scenes feeling all bright eyed. i love them, thing is, i'm not sure if i am able to be tested being in any of these positions. yet(?). but, while we're still young, and cheerful (ha-ha) let's put our heads, hearts and energy for the ummah. people always say, 'siapa lg yg nk buat kerja kalau bukan golongan muda'. and i felt that was a bit cliche. now, my mature self is telling me, that is true and if i don't grab on to the escalator it might just leave me behind. blink-blink-blink. 40 years from now and i look back and think. ah! whatever happened to my strong body and 6 pack abs. and what have i done with all that energy? and then only to realise that it was all a waste of young, bright and cheerful energy drained into enjoying life and watching telly. sobs. sobs.

alright, my mind's content poured out in a few minutes.

"things you can't change, find ways to enjoy it. things that you can change, try your best to be better." -nmj

yes, you may go like this 0_o "what, that is so not a good quote". i forgive you.

-nmj

2011-02-05T09:03:00.000Z

bismillah,

salam my fellow minions, ;)

Alhamdulillah for all that He allows us to taste and breath and try and fail and try again and again for His sake. to be living under the clouds of Iman and Islam while outside, there is the cold monsoon hurricany like weather. with turmoils happening in several parts of the world. an uprising as some may say. i'm able to sit by the corner with a fully functioning radiator, fluffy pink hearty slippers on, and a satisfied tummy filled with breakfast. Allah. ar-Rahman. ar-Rahim.

if anyone's been noticing my lack of nonsensical entries, it is due to the unimaginably horrifying timetable i have for my medsurg block. i started my new surgery rotation last week. hihi, which in the deepest darkest corners of the four chambers of my heart i truly enjoy. i really do like surgery, i think being a surgeon is as close as to being an artist. but. BUT. BUT an ENT surgeon asked me a question the other day that made me double check myself. 'do you want to have a family?' she asked. i said, 'yeah' (insyaAllah, in my heart) and then she....hmm, ah, thinking about this is taking too much of my brain's processing power..malasla.

ok, yesterday usrah with my 'beloveds'. huhu. very the mushy2..uhibbuhunna lillah insyaAllah. it is plainly obvious i am not the most wise, just and everything nice a naqibah should be, but they still accept me as i am. i hope Allah can forgive my weaknesses and shortcomings. here's a hadith to make your day,

“If Allah would love his servant He would call Archangel Gabriel and tell him “I love this person, therefore love him.” And Jibraeel would love him and call out in the heavens “Allah loves this person, therefore love him.” And the inhabitants of the heavens would love him. Then he would be embraced by the people of this world. But if Allah would abhor his servant, He would call Jibraeel and tell him “I abhor this person, therefore abhor him”. And Jibraeel (AS) would abhor him and call out in the heavens “Allah abhors this person, therefore abhor him.” And the inhabitants of the heavens would abhor him. Then he would be abhorred by the people of this world.” (Muslim)

a quick question, what would bring Allah to love us aside from His other servants?

all the people pleasers out there, have a great relationship with Allah then, you'll find people having a good relationship with you. but again, don't do it for the niat of pleasing people. ;p

let's devote our love to Allah before any human, or any possession! ;)

have a peaceful saturday iA,
-nmj

2011-01-26T20:46:00.000Z

bismillah.

salam, may Allah grant us peace and blessings insyaAllah.

ayat of the today,

يَا بُنَيَّ إِنَّهَا إِنْ تَكُ مِثْقَالَ حَبَّةٍ مِنْ خَرْدَلٍ فَتَكُنْ فِي صَخْرَةٍ أَوْ فِي السَّمَوَاتِ أَوْ فِي الْأَرْضِ يَأْتِ بِهَا اللَّهُ إِنَّ اللَّهَ لَطِيفٌ خَبِيرٌ 31:16

(Luqman said): “Son, Allah will bring forth* everything even if it be as small as the grain of a mustard seed even though it be hidden inside a rock or (anywhere) in the heavens or earth. Allah is Most Subtle, All-Aware.

so, what have I learnt? biji sawi is mustard seed in English. hehe. this is a picture of the famous mustard seed. ala2 kacang dal ke? honestly, i've never encountered biji sawi in life. hmm,
i wonder why mustard seed was used, aside from its size.

* That is, "Nothing can escape Allah's knowledge and His grasp. A seed in the rock may be hidden for you, but it is known to AIIah. A particle in the heavens may be very distant for you, but for AIIah it is very near. A thing lying in the layers of the earth may be lying in darkness for you but for him it is in full light. Therefore, you cannot do anything good or bad, anywhere or any time, which may remain hidden from AIIah. He is not only aware of it, but when the time for accountability coms, He will place before you a full record of each act of yours. " - Abul a'al al-Maududi's translation

accountability, an emphasis in Islam compared to other religions, particularly Chritianity. a concept that is easy to understand, a good act, will be rewarded with pahala, a bad act will be rewarded with a punishment. Adil isn't it? to take it a step further, if we already know this fact, why are we limiting ourselves in doing good, when we don't know when our time will be up?

just to remind myself, never to feel complacent or satisfied with the amount of amal we're doing. just compare ourselves to Rasulullah and see how far apart we are from him. or even how we're trailing far behind his companions. Munirah said something about some US business companies comparing among themselves for improvement, but their improvement was about the same. and there's this one Japanese company who had a massive improvement because it compared itself to the 100% standard. maybe, that's our way forward?

the world is our oyster. mari beramal insyaAllah.

(i don't normally write long, my subconscious mind might be stalling me from revising)
-nmj

2011-01-20T16:26:00.000Z

of crazy rants

hi, salaaaaam... Alhamdulillah just finished my exam. as much as i hate viva exams i had to do it. humph. and as much as i know i am not a smartie pants, i still act like one. i am the top-notch slacker. and just barely realising it, throughout 23 years of my life, Allah has helped me a lot through it all. Alhamdulillah again. because the nagging of my seniors and the stress i get from my housemates who are study addicts, i started to work hard (okay, maybe not as hard for anyone's standard) for this exam. after 23 years of living, i just realised it feels good to actually try as best as i could and leave the rest to Allah.

so maybe after this, i should work harder. especially if i still want to be an orthopod/rheumatologist sometime in the future insyaAllah. my new aim for the new 23 year old me. hehe, i'm just rubbing in it aren't i? for those of you who forgot, i just had my birthday, but it was near the exams so i couldn't care less. so now, since i'm free for a bit, i shall start my endeavor on reaping my presents from people nearby. you know who you are...hahaha~ (evil laugh)

p/s: i'm sorry, pardon this entry. this is the best that could come out from a famished crazy person living in the huge, cold, dark house alone waiting for her housemates to come back from their trip. Allah, tunjukkanlah dia jalan yg terang dan lurus. Amin.

a clue on who might this person be.....

Boo!

-nmj

2011-01-17T17:57:00.000Z

salaaam..

I've been at home today, but Allah, have i learnt and seen loads. or to be exact, READ loads. i spent a whole day reading a story book which is not very smart of me since my exams is in 2 days time. phew? i hated that book, but i kept on reading, i kept on going through every word and flipping through each page. only to have my hopes crushed in the end. its quite ironic when i think about it again, hoping that there would be a happy ending at the end, which was the thing that kept me going, but the same hope again was the reason that got me disturbed when it didn't end the way i'd liked.

and i thought, what are humans without hope? we hope for every single thing in life, we hope to have a job, a family of our own one day, a day to have a good day at the hospital. hope to have friends who would understand us. hope for a great life.

and there, and then is what separates us from the normal people who hope. because our hopes is also accompanied by prayers. and our prayers are not just words or hymns but is our faith, woven with love, hope and fear to Allah. and what strengthens our hope is by knowing that Allah's promise is not just an average promise but a promise from the Most High.

Ibn Taymiyah (May Allah have mercy on him) said “If the kings knew the happiness and pleasure that we feel in our hearts, they would come and try to take it away from us with the tips of their swords.”

-nmj.

2011-01-13T22:16:00.000Z

Allah.

فَبِأَيِّ آَلَاءِ رَبِّكُمَا تُكَذِّبَانِ

(55:23) Which of the wonders of your Lord’s power will you twain – you men and jinn – then deny?

وَإِذْ تَأَذَّنَ رَبُّكُمْ لَئِنْ شَكَرْتُمْ لَأَزِيدَنَّكُمْ وَلَئِنْ كَفَرْتُمْ إِنَّ عَذَابِي لَشَدِيدٌ

(14:7) And remember also that your Lord forewarned, `If you be grateful I will increase My favours on you, and if you be ungrateful (you should know that) My chastisement is severe indeed'!"

sometimes i forget. how do i be a grateful servant?

2011-01-13T16:00:00.001Z

homesick. nak nangis. x bes.

2011-01-12T22:39:00.000Z

granma n caterpillar

makcik kecik n caterpillar

the gang

pembuli kecik

caterpillar yg menangis

caterpillar isap jari

budak nakal yg sempat menyelit

i miss them.

2011-01-12T16:26:00.000Z

of nociceptors and body chemicals

i'm in pain. physical pain. ouuuu..w..
i don't really know why writing this down would help..just needed an outlet to express the pain. ouuu...w.. can you hear me? huhu

قلب بين يدي قلب و بيد الله كل قلب

عين ترعى عينا، وعين الله ترعى

كلمة طيبة صدقة

تبسمك لأخيك صدقه

كل معروف صدقة

اللهم اشف شفاءً لا يغادر سقماً

A soul/ heart in the hands of other souls/ hearts,
And all the hearts are in God's Hands.
Eyes looking after(nurturing) other Eyes, and God's eyes look after( and nurture) us all.
A kind word is a charity.
A smile for your brother is charity.
All good works are charity.
Oh God heal us in manner which leaves no sickness behind

Amin..

^_^ -nmj

2011-01-05T14:53:00.000Z

of a dream dialogue

bismillah

i think i've been slacking off a lot lately. okay, i should scratch the THINK. and i'm saying this not with any hint of proudness at all but mainly disapointment. looking back at the times when i could have done more useful things. Allahummaghfirli and forgive me for Your time that i've wasted.

i think the slacking off goes in terms of my study, of my personal development, of my mutabaah amal. Syed Qutb wrote in tafsir al-Asr, what is iman? while we may have a lot of linguistic definitions for iman, it is actually the relationship with Allah. having a poor relationship with Allah consequently results in low iman.

i would want to say and give excuses for the times i've been playing around that i was not in the right mental state, that i was being tested and i could not handle it especially in this cold with no sun where being close to becoming a hyperchondriac i seriously believe i have SAD syndrome. but i'm thinking again in the future, on the day of judgement when all creations will bow down to Allah, will i be able to say, "Allah, i went through mountains of ice and swam through oceans of fire for You. will You be happy with my offerings and accept me as one of Your obedient slaves?" (pardon me for my random metaphors) i truly, madly, deeply would want to say this.

Allahumma, please forgive this rambling slave that loves to write loads but rarely acts on it, that always wastes Your time, and procrastinates Her work. (especially her ssc) but is slowly finding her reason to live and becoming a muslimah. Allah, guide me and provide me strength ya Allah. (oh, and for my kakak usrah too..and all the muslim/ahs in this world too. insyaAllah)

"kerana seharusnya mempunyai visi dan misi yg jelas itu mampu utk melonjakkan amal dan menetapkan kaki utk terus istiqamah."

insyaAllah.

2011-01-02T11:27:00.000Z

Allah.

2011-01-01T14:29:00.000Z

am I failing Allah's test of obedience?

please nooooo~ I want to succeed Allah.

2010-12-31T14:01:00.000Z

of life on earth

Imam Hasan al-Banna pernah ditanya, "Kenapa Anda tidak menyusun buku?" Beliau menjawab, "Tugas saya bukanlah untuk menyusun buku , karena buku biasa-biasanya akan diletakkan di perpustakaan dan sedikit sekali org yg mau membacanya. lain halnya dgn seorg muslim, ia adalah 'buku yg senantiasa terbuka' ke mana pun ia berjalan, itu adalah dakwah."

****

وَمَا أَرْسَلْنَا قَبْلَكَ مِنَ الْمُرْسَلِينَ إِلَّا إِنَّهُمْ لَيَأْكُلُونَ الطَّعَامَ وَيَمْشُونَ فِي الْأَسْوَاقِ وَجَعَلْنَا بَعْضَكُمْ لِبَعْضٍ فِتْنَةً أَتَصْبِرُونَ وَكَانَ رَبُّكَ بَصِيرًا

(25:20) O Muhammad, all the Messengers whom We sent before you also ate food and moved about in the streets. In fact, We have made you all a means of test for one another. Will you show patience? for your Lord sees everything.

2010-12-29T20:34:00.001Z

bismillah.

i hope Allah will get me through this. i love them people Allah, tq Allah. in times of despair, good company (bi'ah solehah) is the remedy. ;)

dear self, be a good muslimah to help your self and others insyaAllah.

2010-12-29T15:37:00.000Z

can you get out of the way please? pretty pretty pleaaaaase..

2010-12-28T23:24:00.000Z

snippets of the big day (27/12/10)

and the new chapter begins..a more exciting and fruitful chapter insyaAllah..

bismillah.

2010-12-28T09:06:00.000Z

bismillah

Allah.
I think it might be time for me to grow up.

إِنَّ اللَّهَ لَا يُغَيِّرُ مَا بِقَوْمٍ حَتَّى يُغَيِّرُوا مَا بِأَنْفُسِهِمْ...

"....Allah does not change a people's lot unless they themselves change their own characteristics.."
(13:11)

Allahumma, let me do it solely for You.
biiznillah.

(post PMS'10 - the best PMS ever)

2010-12-22T10:44:00.000Z

of winter warmers..

two words: melayan perasaan.
gediknyeeeeer!

yes, blame it all on the warm winter clothes, extra pairs of socks, thick hoodies and granpa PJ's. ah. snuggled up in heavy garments is making me lazzyyyy!
finished reading the twenties girl. a feel good bimbo book. so now, i should do my work.

i went to get myself some wellies yesterday. i wasn't confident that i could walk safely on the icy pavements with my non-equipped for snow shoes. i might seem like a hypercondriac at the time but i do have a reason. i slipped down the stairs in my house the other day, and injured my back muscles. okay, so some people would just call it a bruise. *thump* and another thump. and i hit the ground. i rolled over and laid flat on my back until the pain subsided. yes, my housemate was the witness. and she was laughing all the way. like, seriously it was like someone had just given her an extra high dose of entonox. i'm sure it was quite comical but seriously, after learning MDEMO, bones are one thing you don't wana mess about. sure you can rejoin it, but the risk of OA in the bone after a fracture will surely increase. but then, 'im sure it's nothing. insyaAllah.

i'm just faffing around because i don't wana do my work....
....
....
...
but i know i should better get a start on the reading for PMS.
make doa everything will be alright insyaAllah.

Allah, help me from becoming a lazy bum.

2010-12-20T11:33:00.001Z

viva night. Palestine. 4.12.10

Allahumma, peliharalah al-Aqsa daripada ancaman kejam zionis. daripada manusia-manusia yg tak berhati perut yg membunuh tanpa belas kasihan.

satukanlah hati-hati kami, persiapkanlah diri kami serta kuatakanlah iman kami agar dpt syahid keranaMu.
insyaAllah.

p/s: kerana pada dasarnya, adalah isu iman, bukan hanya isu kemanusiaan.

2010-12-19T12:22:00.001Z

of smelly sox and a duvet monster

sometimes, i forget, that love is always there although you don't see it as often. just as Allah is always there. guiding you through. we just have to make the small steps. all the best!

xx,
nad mj

2010-12-14T23:59:00.000Z

of deliberation

when the key of acceptance comes down to intention.
lillahita'ala.

مَثَلُ الَّذِينَ كَفَرُوا بِرَبِّهِمْ أَعْمَالُهُمْ كَرَمَادٍ اشْتَدَّتْ بِهِ الرِّيحُ فِي يَوْمٍ عَاصِفٍ لَا يَقْدِرُونَ مِمَّا كَسَبُوا عَلَى شَيْءٍ ذَلِكَ هُوَ الضَّلَالُ الْبَعِيدُ

(14:18) The works of those who disbelieved may be likened, to the ashes which the wind scatters on a stormy day. They shall not be able to gain anything from what they did. This is the extreme deviation.

وَالَّذِينَ كَفَرُوا أَعْمَالُهُمْ كَسَرَابٍ بِقِيعَةٍ يَحْسَبُهُ الظَّمْآَنُ مَاءً حَتَّى إِذَا جَاءَهُ لَمْ يَجِدْهُ شَيْئًا وَوَجَدَ اللَّهَ عِنْدَهُ فَوَفَّاهُ حِسَابَهُ وَاللَّهُ سَرِيعُ الْحِسَابِ

(24:39) (On the other hand,) the deeds of those who disbelieved, maybe likened to a mirage in a waterless desert, which the thirsty one took for water; but when he reached there he found nothing to drink; nay, he found there Allah Who settled his full account, and Allah is very swift at reckoning.

Allah.
Allah. Allah.
may it become something than a nothing.

2010-12-13T23:40:00.000Z

when i feel so useless..

i can only pray that Allah helps you through.
the facade. the green mask you put on. is not so green in the end.
the colourless paint splashes out from the bucket.

it is never fair. life is never fair. but never is it a fairytale.

i hope it will turn out well. a typical consoling statement.

all the torments and trials you face, may Allah reward it greater.
i seek Allah to give you courage, to give you strength, to give you the ability to see the beauty in the ugly. and keep you strong. to face the crowd when the cheering ends.

i pray your love will be renewed. with a stronger love, from a creation to the creator. and from The creator to His creation. because you held on to Him. His love, more than a thousand couples put together. and an ending with a happily ever after. in Jannah, one day, insyaAllah.

xx,
nad mj

2010-12-13T23:27:00.000Z

of subliminal feelings

tafahhum. snap your fingers and behold. its not as easy.
only 3 years it took me. and still counting.
may it be a step forward for us, to keep on this path, never failing to remind one another. with truth and patience.

وَالْعَصْرِ

إِنَّ الْإِنْسَانَ لَفِي خُسْرٍ

إِلَّا الَّذِينَ آَمَنُوا وَعَمِلُوا الصَّالِحَاتِ وَتَوَاصَوْا بِالْحَقِّ وَتَوَاصَوْا بِالصَّبْ

insyaAllah.

my love note, xx
nad mj

2010-12-10T18:00:00.001Z

haruskah membesar? haruskah? haruskah?
okay, retorical question.

2010-12-09T22:15:00.001Z

salam. :) :) :)

The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said: “Charity is prescribed for each descendant of Adam every day the sun rises.” He was then asked: “From what do we give charity every day?” The Prophet answered: “The doors of goodness are many…enjoining good, forbidding evil, removing harm from the road, listening to the deaf, leading the blind, guiding one to the object of his need, hurrying with the strength of one’s legs to one in sorrow who is asking for help, and supporting the feeble with the strength of one’s arms–all of these are charity prescribed for you.” He also said: “Your smile for your brother is charity.” - Fiqh-us-Sunnah, Volume 3, Number 98

and also,

Daripada Abu Hurairah r.a., katanya: “Rasulullah s.a.w. bersabda: ‘Tidak akan masuk syurga kamu semua sehingga kamu beriman dan tidak akan dinamakan beriman kamu semua sehingga kamu semua saling cinta-mencintai. Tidakkah kamu semua suka jika ku tunjukkan kepadamu semua sesuatu yang jikalau kamu semua lakukan tentu kamu akan saling cinta-mencintai? Iaitu sebarkanlah salam sesama mu’.” (Hadith Riwayat Muslim)

since i am in my A&E week, i usually feel a bit upset when people (read: doctors) don't smile at me when they see me. i don't blame them though, i know their super busy and i'm just a speck on the wall.(yes, this is slightly exaggerating) so as a response, i wouldn't smile at them either. which then makes me feel bad because i wanted to smile but them not smiling at me just makes me not wanting to smile back. ok, so the hadith is supposed to remind me to just smile..cos it's a sunnah..;)

other things i've learned today:

1. don't be a fatalistic Muslim. be pleased with what Allah has willed and what is due to come..but, in the meantime, hard work is required.
2. i need to cultivate my relationship with Allah.
3. sacrifice is part of our submission to Allah.

yours truly,
nad

2010-12-08T22:10:00.000Z

geared up

as part of my unwinding therapy i will now write about what i've been doing today. i just got back from A&E. Alhamdulillah, i managed to spend about 7 hours there. and if you get the vibe, i am quite proud of this achievement. the 1st time i went in the department, i just poked my head in, saw that no one took notice of me, lingered for 10 minutes and went straight out again. i hate it when there's no one assigned to teach and you're just left running around like a little puppy wiggling its tail and trying to get attention from its master. but i guess no one does. so yeah, today was good, i'm finally getting used to going to different doctors asking if i can tag along with them. hmm..A&E..probably not for me. i mean it's interesting once you do get to see a patient. but, trying to juggle 4 patients at one time is just to much for my brain, especially if the patients are ranging from an asthmatic 5 year old to a 75 year old man with alcoholic withdrawal and a GCS of 3. i know females are known for multitasking, but i might not be the friendliest under this much stress. so A&E..not. :)

just the fact that i've been writing rubbish recently, i might try to write something worthwhile for now.

i was reading the Qur'an this morning, and i read through my favourite ayat:

وَلَا تَمُدَّنَّ عَيْنَيْكَ إِلَى مَا مَتَّعْنَا بِهِ أَزْوَاجًا مِنْهُمْ زَهْرَةَ الْحَيَاةِ الدُّنْيَا لِنَفْتِنَهُمْ فِيهِ وَرِزْقُ رَبِّكَ خَيْرٌ وَأَبْقَى

(20:131) And do not cast an envious look at the worldly property We have bestowed on different kinds of people, for We have given them all that to put them to trial, and the lawful provision of your Lord is better and more lasting.

***

i think it is soothing knowing that everyone has their own provision's determined by Allah. be it good or bad. and with the provisions given there is always responsibilities involved.

Allah. i'm tired. i hope today is not sia-sia. amin.

p/s: new phrases: chuffed to bits, bogged down, bog standard, barn-door case.

2010-12-06T20:46:00.000Z

Hadith Qudsi 35:

On the authority of Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him), who said that the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said:

Our Lord (glorified and exalted be He) descends each night to the earth's sky when there remains the final third of the night, and He says: Who is saying a prayer to Me that I may answer it? Who is asking something of Me that I may give it him? Who is asking forgiveness of Me that I may forgive him?

It was related by al-Bukhari (also by Muslim, Malik, at-Tirmidhi and Abu Dawud).

In a version by Muslim the Hadith ends with the words:

And thus He continues till [the light of] dawn shines.

2010-12-06T20:41:00.001Z

Hadith Qudsi 22:

On the authority of Abu Sa'id (may Allah be pleased with him), who said that the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said:

Let not any one of you belittle himself. They said: O Messenger of Allah, how can any one of us belittle himself? He said: He finds a matter concerning Allah about which he should say something, and he does not say [it], so Allah (mighty and sublime be He) says to him on the Day of Resurrection: What prevented you from saying something about such-and-such and such-and-such? He say: [It was] out of fear of people. Then He says: Rather it is I whom you should more properly fear.

It was related by Ibn Majah with a sound chain of authorities.

2010-12-06T19:43:00.000Z

a new set of words ;)

1. nip to the loo
2. my knee suddenly went
3. some tidbits for you
4. sloans=rahs
5. chuck it in the bin
6. pop around
7. feeling fizzy
8. feeling crummy (miserable)
9. a crummy old coat
10. a flimsy excuse

2010-12-05T14:54:00.001Z

what have i learned this week?

1. that everyone should be respected. for their own attitudes, their own character and more over their own opinions of course.

2. don't be too hasty in judging a person. when, i'm not given the authority to judge anyone in the first place. a person shouldn't be segregated by their choice of clothing or other lifestyle choices, but rather get to know who they really are inside.

3. i should have proper work ethics. especially in giving usrahs. i have to be more passionate please. and not to mention organised as well.

4. confidence is a must. work on it.

2010-12-05T14:31:00.000Z

of magical movies

hi world.
so i might risk exposing myself for being a loser. again.

huhu. i'm in love..
with the latest Disney's animation film Tangled. :D just finished watching it. and how do i know it's a good movie? because it makes me tingling all over and dreaming of adventure again. cheesy stuff. ;p

i used to like watching Beauty and the Beast when i was about 5. okay, scratch that, maybe i loooved watching it. mama said that i used to watch it like a gazillion times. i kept rewinding the video again and again. mama said she wanted to throw up by the sight of it. but, determined as i am. i was fine with that, as long as i could watch Belle sing. and of course, i've memorised all the songs. hehe loserr..

so yeah, back to this movie, it's just great. i think it surely stands a chance to compete with Beauty and the Beast. in my records that is. :D

top 5 animation films so far:
1. beauty and the beast
2. lion king
3. anastasia
4. finding nemo
5. mulan

and don't ask me why.

p/s: so i know Disney products should be boycotted. but i think what we can learn from them is their work ethics. they're very determined and passionate about what they do. and detailed as well to add to that matter. i love the animal impressions in lion king and the avalanche in mulan was extraordinary. oh no, i'm falling in love, again.

2010-12-01T20:28:00.000Z

of once upon a time

p/s: before it becomes obsolete after 35 years :)