are there really two sides to a person?

i don't know.

that's why i'm asking.

whoever said that ignorance is bliss meant that it is blissful for those who are in oblivion.
but maybe not for the people around them who are trying to tolerate with their ignorance.

a missing physicist.

killer. where are you~?
sudah lame saye x mendengar theori einstein kamu.
ktorg nk exam esok.
oh ye. prison break da ada balik! haha walaupun kamu x tgk saye nk btau jugak.
kerana kamu teman download saye.
andaikate kamu membace blog ini. sile take care n doakan ktorg ye! hehe
bye2.

lupe plak. selamat kembali ke sekolah.


p/s: berswan-swan. get it? heheh XD

4. 3. 2. 1.

hm. you know how diabetics are associated with this saying "starving in the midst of plenty", well i'm not a diabetic, but i think i kinda understand what it means. coz right know i'm in a quite similar situation.

"bored in the midst of plenty" (of reading to do)

haha. lame okay.

so i just finished going through the Whole Person Care element (i'm supposed to be learning about the human side of medicine) and i was reading through this excerpt which i think is quite interesting. This part was about mindfulness and it's importance in a doctor-patient relationship so that patients feel they were being attended and their needs fulfilled.

"as far as we are aware only complex creatures such as ourselves, possibly only ourselves, have sufficient self-consciousness to act as the ghost in our own physiological machine."

ghost = soul.
our soul comes from Allah. and which mankind has not yet succeeded in creating or 'replicating' like cloning.
we are the work of our mighty Creator.

Does it not reflect His magnificence?

*****

hehe just a distraction from studying ;p

right. back to work. 4 days to final exam.
tolong doakan saya ye. terima kasih!

the kindest of seagulls?

i have this weird habit that i do when i'm coming closer to my exams.
i never realized it before but a friend of mine made it clear to me just last year. during my IB years when there were so many exams lined up for me.

one day, after a bit of studying i decided to call up a friend. i've known her since standard 2. well that's not actually true, we've met when we were babies, according to my mom. but how could've i remembered that. hehe and so, she's been one of my best friends since. so i thought it's been a while since we've met and had a chat. i called her up. she was happy to be getting in touch again. we talked a bit. and then she asked what made me call? and i told her, nothing really, just wanted to know how she's doing in uni. how her life's been. catch up on stuff. hehe. i didn't have to say that i missed her. i guess we both know that's probably why i called. it's like a mutual understanding between bffs that when you call each other, it's because you miss them. so there's no need to say it out loud. haha. make sense?

she talked about what's going on in her life. and i listened. and then i talked a little too. then suddenly when it was near the end of the conversation.
she asked me, "nad, awak dah nak exam eh?"
it struck me out of the blue. how did she know. i didn't even mention it in the conversation.
so i asked her, "eh, cane awk tau?"
haha.
that was when she told me that i've been calling her for the past few years. whenever i'm getting closer to my exams. surprisingly, i never noticed. perhaps she knows me better than i know myself. i thought it was just a sudden longing for friends. or maybe it was my body's way of distracting myself from the exam pressure. an escape mechanism from all the books.

so yesterday, i did the exact thing. well okay, almost exact, it wasn't her, but i had a long chat with a friend. which we had to stop because it was already late and i had to sleep to wake up for Fajr prayers. anyway, after training myself not to sleep after Fajr. i lost. i couldn't take it, my eyes were working against me. i had to close them.

normally, i would wake up in the morning to the sound of seagulls outside my room (yeah, since Bristol is near a harbour) and i'd be very happy. it's as though they're welcoming the beginning of a new day.
i hear them squawking to me,
"come on nad, wake up, it's a beautiful day outside. SubhanAllah. come on, wake up. let's start your day fresh in the morning. come nad. join us."

well, i don't speak bird. but that's how i would interpret it.
so today, because i woke up late. it felt different. it wasn't the usual friendly squawk i'd hear. it felt as though they were mocking me. squawk. squawk.squawk.
"look at that girl. look at her sleeping after praying Subuh. waking up very late. even us birds could go out and catch food early in the morning. and yet she's a human. isn't she thankful to be human. why is she wasting her time. what a loserrrrr."

haha somehow the squawks just keep getting longer. ;p

dear birds, i'm sorry i've dissapointed you today. yes, yes, i'll try harder next time so we can work together in the morning and carry out our duties as best as possible.

dear birds, thank you for your reminder.

adik beradikku~ i miss u ols. haha.
i've been trying to get in touch but somehow everyone's busy.
i think i'm turning into someone mushy2 la.
maybe it's got something to do with my head being burried in books for too long.
which sadly is because my final exam is less than 2 weeks time.
anyway, i don't really know where to release my kerinduan ini. since everyone's probably missing their families too. it's not quite fair to be burdening others with my feelings when they're going through the same thing as well. haha. that's why i like this blog. i can write just whatever it is i feel like writing. without worrying if people's going to judge me. and if you guys do. who cares right. u don't know me. hehe. and to be fair, i don't know you either. besides, if it's my Bristol friends reading, they'd understand. kan korg? ;)
yeh, i'm starting to ramble.

miss wearing my tuds hitam ;p

we will not go down

there's two things you ought to know about me. i have a short-term memory. and what was the other one? oh yeah, apparently i also have a short attention span.
well, it's not exactly proven but there have been instances that led me to think that i do have em. so being me, i constantly need reminding and sometimes i need a bit of a push or motivation when i feel that i'm not up for something. an extremely common example would be studying.

so then, i would seek friends and have a chat with them so they could say something that would boost my spirits. but i guess not today. because today, in the midst of occupying my oh-so-free-time (which i'm supposed to be filling up with studying) i started to search for videos on the net. and i came across this song from Michael Heart about the war in Gaza. I'm not really sure who he is but he sends a very strong message through this song which i'm very fond of.
the video depicts the pain and sufferings of the Palestinians, destruction of their homes, casualties and injuries from the war, children fighting back Israelian troops with pebbles and their bare hands. it's really heartbreaking. but again, this is the reality that's happening now. maybe we're not going through it personally , but it shouldn't stop us from feeling their pain, and having the urge to help them out in any form possible. especially think about the innocent kids that are suffering from this war crime, what harm could they have done to deserve such treatment?

so then i thought, if I'm still able to fill up my tummy with food, have time to use the internet, have a comfortable bed, have the chance to finish my education which in other words means STUDYING then why mustn't i put my best effort and maximize my time with beneficial things when in fact other people in other parts of the world are dying to be in my place? and i mean literally.
so i guess, realizing this i should take some action immediately. not just ponder on it and let the thought escape my mind. thus, the need to be writing all this down.

anyway, the song title is 'we will not go down'. it brings so much hope, motivation and encouragement that we should never give up a fight until the fat lady sings. which then, we'll depend on Allah for what is best for us.
let's all pray together so that peace will once again be restored in Palestine and let the land be returned to it's rightful owners. insyaAllah.

Squash.

today i had a squash date with a friend. to get to the sports center i had to pass through the medical faculty. there was a caretaker polishing the door of the admin building. it was 10 am in the morning and the university precinct was quieter than usual since most students went home for this easter hols. as i walked passed him, he turned his head and just looked at me for a long time. i mean, it's getting quite a norm for me to get those 'looks' from people because of my hijab i think. (or maybe it was because of my bright coloured orange sweater?) hehe. if it was because of my hijab, i don't mind really. it's my choice. and i know because of that i will always be seen as a 'stranger' or ghuraba'. as Muslims, it shouldn't really bother us because whatever it is that we're doing is not for one's eyes to judge but for Him alone. anyway, because i felt that it's been a bit too long for his eyes to be kept open. i mean come on, he'll need to blink eventually. so, just to ease his eyes from the constraint and the eye pain that he might suffer later, i decided to take a preventive act.
'Morning!' i said.
His reply was 'Morning!' and turned back to continue his job.
end of story. hehe.
sometimes, people act surprised towards those that may seem a bit different than themselves. but it doesn't necessarily mean they're thinking bad things about you, it may just be that they're actually fascinated or maybe they're trying to organize the numerous thoughts and questions that's popping out in their heads. so i guess the trick would be to try and keep a positive attitude. we're no more different than a table and chair with thoughts. both are furniture of which are made from the same source, wood, but functions differently because of how there're molded and shaped. i'm making up yet another awful analogy. but do you guys get my point? do you? do you? you? you? haha.

anyway, here's a song that could probably give a bit of understanding towards people wearing hijab. it's a song by Dawud Wharnsbyr Ali. MashaAllah it is a lovely song indeed.

They say, "Oh, poor girl, you're so beautiful you know
It's a shame that you cover up your beauty so."
She just smiles and graciously responds reassuringly,
"This beauty that I have is just one simple part of me.
This body that I have, no stranger has the right to see.
These long clothes, this shawl I wear, ensure my modesty.
Faith is more essential than fashion, wouldn't you agree?

This hijab,
This mark of piety,
Is an act of faith, a symbol,
For all the world to see.
A simple cloth, to protect her dignity.
So lift the veil from your heart to see the heart of purity.

They tell her, "Girl, don't you know this is the West and you are free?
You don't need to be opressed, ashamed of your femininity."
She just shakes her head and she speaks so assuredly,

"See the bill-boards and the magazines that line the check-out isles, with their phony painted faces and their air-brushed smiles?
Well their sheer clothes and low cut gowns are really not for me.
You call it freedom, I call it anarchy."

This hijab,
This mark of piety,
Is an act of faith, a symbol,
For all the world to see.
A simple cloth, to protect her dignity.
So lift the veil from your heart to see the heart of purity.
Lift the veil from your heart and seek the heart of purity.

sometimes i need reminding, that's probably why i write down things that may seem insignificant. peace!
(it's 2.20 a.m in the morning. where have my books gone?)

c-t-w-b syndrome

i'm having this can't-wait-to-balik syndrome. so lately i've been thinking a lot about people back home. and i mean a LOT. hehe.

anyway, i'm really starting to miss that little brat. she's in darjah 2 now. i'm wondering how she's doing.

the other day i was calling home. talking to along. and i was asking along what was adah doing. she said adah was in front of the telly. so i asked her, die tengah tengok tv ke? along said, xla, dia tgh buat buku latihan darjah 1. hmm, bukan dia darjah 2 ke. so i asked along again, nape die wat latihan darjah 1? dia ade exam untuk darjah satu balik ke? along jawab, xla. dia baru terjumpe buku tu. *hahaha*

******

i used to bathe adah since small. when she was only a few days old, when her eyes were still closed. so pure. so tiny. sometimes i would bathe her even when she's asleep. i'd hold her in one hand, and run water gently on her. haha, she was sleeping so soundly that i didn't think she knows she's given a bath. but now she's like so big. i'd get back pain if i try to give her a piggy back. yet, her habit of having people bathing her remains. so the other day, i told her to take a shower. then she said, she'd only shower if i wait for her and dry her off. so i said okay, fine. as long as she takes a shower, or else mama will be mad at me if she doesn't shower. so i waited outside the toilet for her to finish.

she opened the door and said okay, da siap. all shivery. haha.
i took a towel and dried her off. i could smell the sense of dettol cool (which i just bought for myself to try it out). she has her own shower gel. i think it's carrie junior or something. anyway, i asked her:

me: adah, u gune my dettol eh?
adah: a'a. u boleh smell ke?
me: a'a. best tak? rase sejuk kan.
adah: best. rase cool je. macam puasa hari thursday.
me: *blur* huh?
adah: yela, kalau org yang puasa hari thursday kan nanti dalam kubur dia rase cool je.
me: *erk.

haha. seriously i was speechless. i never told her that. i think she learnt that in school.

*****

well, a few months before i finished my probation period for my driving license, i nearly came into an accident. which Alhamdulillah nobody got hurt and which my parents didn't know of. anyway, there was still the trauma. after that incident i avoided driving and stayed away from the steering wheel. i think my parents noticed that but i guess they thought that i was just lazy to drive. anyway, there came a day when i needed to drive. i can't remember why. it was either to pick up my sister from the train station or to satisfy my craving for nasi lemak. both of which wasn't far away from my house. adah wanted to come along, so i thought it would be safe enough for her since it's not that far. i strapped on my seat belt. adjusted the seat and mirrors. and took a deep breath. i turned to adah to make sure she's wearing her seat belt and then said to her,

me: adah, i takutla.
adah: nape?
me: (i wanted to explain about the phobia, but i don't think she'd understand)
entahla, sebab i da lame tak bawak kerete kot.
adah: kenapa u nak takut. bukan kite kan kene takut dengan Allah ke?
me: *erk.


didn't see that one coming.

*****

hope to see u soon adah.

an. an. an. lalala..

my minds been wondering off lately. maybe because there's a few things i haven't settled yet. it can't be done immediately so i guess it will just haunt me until i can finally end it and put it behind me. sorry if i'm talking in a general manner. just don't feel like telling everyone about the mess in my head. huhu. everyone has their own things to think about.

anyway, i just came back from Spring Camp 09. It was carried out at a Scouts Camp in Staffordshire. we stayed for 3days 2 nights. learning about a lot of things. realizing our purpose in life. understanding Islam. experiencing it's teachings. forming new relationships. strengthening the one's that's already built. but mainly, understanding what is required from us. It was really an eye opener. hope i'd be able to sustain what was gained. learning is one thing, understanding is another, and practicing is also a different thing and yet the hardest. hardest. but not impossible perhaps? hehe i don't know. again, i'm sorry if what i'm saying doesn't really give a good explanation.

i kept remembering my mom throughout the camp. maybe i'm a sissy. i don't know. but how i wish she was there to comfort me. i guess i miss her giving me advice. i miss sharing what i gain with her. i miss hugging her. i miss her telling me that everythings going to be alright insyaAllah. i miss going to the kitchen with her to make tea at night. i miss telling her stories about my life.

i miss her telling me that she loves my paintings. i miss her strength. i miss her courage. i miss her love and care. i miss her always being there if i needed a shoulder to cry on. never judging me, just giving me my time. i miss her telling me how her day went on. i miss her telling me about her students. i miss her saying "mama suke tgk angah makan" and just sit there beside me watching me feed myself with her cooking. hehe. i miss her rubbing me when watching tv. i miss her saying "angah da besar" in a sense that i'm no longer a little girl. i miss her stability. i miss her effect of calming me down, eventhough she might not see that. i miss her reminding me of my goals in life. and always to depend on Allah.

i guess it doesn't help seeing someone like your mom teaching you at the camp. ai. so not the time to be all sedey2 han.

hmm, maybe whoever said that absence makes the heart grow fonder went to Spring Camp too. a very very very very very long time ago. hehe ;p

no matter how old i'll be. or how besar i become. i'll always be this little girl who always looks up to you, depends on u, loves you, and hopes to always please u. insyaAllah.

May Allah bless mama and abah! amiin ;D

vain much.

i'm stubborn.
i know.
i'm selfish.
i know.
i don't like being pushed.
i need time.
i need space.

i like to think. n then sleep.
i like to talk. n then listen.
i like to wonder. n then question.
i like to reason. n then affirm.
i have my own ways.
everyone does.

i'm a tortoise.
i'm slow. but persistant.
i hide in my own shell.
where i seek comfort, safety and clarity.

i'm sweaty.
because i just came back from playing squash.
i'm full.
because i just had my lunch.
i need to study.
because my finals are coming closer.

i know that. so what am i doing here?
*blur*

***

like seriously, i need to study.
berusehe!!

Pah. Ghi. 1st day.

Subhanallah.

that practically sums up everything i'd like to say bout Paris.
such a beautiful place. beautiful architecture. beautiful scenery. beautiful experience.

first day. arrival. Charles de Gaulle aeroport. saturday. 9.15 a.m.

a lot of people were queuing to get their passports stamped to exit the aeroport. including us. then we took a train to the city. walked walked and walked. passed many beautiful buildings, parks, shops, gardens, streets..arrived at a square garden. quite famous, but i can't remember name. had lunch there. checked in at hotel. put our stuff. headed out to Mont Martre. walked. walked and walked. fuh~ finally there. toured the place. bought some souvenirs. had caramel crepe. lovely. sun shining. lotsa people. some sitting on the grass. some reading. some cuddling. some lying. some chatting.some sleeping. some eating. some walking around. some taking photos. that's us.

after taking in the atmosphere there we continued the journey. passed a lot of souvenir shops. going down hill. down down down. turned left. walked walked and walked. passed a whole stretch of XXX shops and video rentals. and voila. Moulin Rouge. snap snap. then moved on.
*quite a scary area. brrr.

next stop. the Louvre and Champs Eleysee.
took the train. ding dong. we're there. was already 5 pm. the Louvre was about to close. just enjoyed the scenery outside the Louvre. the sun was still shining but was about to set. the sky had such a lovely tone. just sat there. immersed in its beauty. surrounded by breathtaking monuments.

continuing the tour. walked again. headed to the garden. entered Champs Eleysee Garden. lovely. felt really nice to be close to the grenery. though much of the trees have not yet blossomed. still, i was ecstatic to be fiesting my eyes to those gorgeous types of branching trees. without any leaves, but just naturally beautiful with intricate branches sprouting about. those were my favourite types.

walked the whole stretch until we were practically shooed away by the guards. hehe. apparently the garden closes at 6.30 pm. at the end we could see Eiffel tower from far. we continued the walk. it was getting colder and darker by the minute. but it wasn't scary or anything. the streets were lit with vibrant lights. decorating the streets and rows of high-end shops. beautiful.

finally. our last landmark of the day. Arc de Triumph. by then, i couldn't feel my legs. alright that would be the end of today. i gathered my last energy reserve to head back to our hotel. that was by train of course. going to all those places today, i couldn't forget thinking about Robert Langdon, (in Dan Brown's 'Da Vinci Code') how the author describes going in the Louvre and his encounter in Paris. the images from the description in his book kept flashing through my head. probably i was too absorbed by the book. okayy. it's just fiction anyway.

tucked myself in bed. pulled the quilt over my head. ready to doze off. it was 12.30 am.

tomorrow. Disneyland Paris.

(dot. dot. dot.) to be continued

exhausted? yep
sakit kaki? yep
sakit bahu? yep
sleepy? yep
a bit short of money? yep
happy? yep yep yep yep yep ;)

Basically, that's how i'm feeling right now after my four day trip to Paris. Just got back from the airport. My feet's still sore from all the walking umm probably a bit of running.some more standing in the train. also queing up for rides and things. added with a heavy load of 4-day stuff mounted on my shoulders..hehe. but it was all worth it......

I'll continue this tomorrow. since my eyes are really getting heavier. i should probably shut down my computer and go off to sleep. totally need my bed right now. au revoir. will continue later.

nee..no..nee..no..

what would you say if i told you, i was given a one night stay at an expensive hotel with a 16 pound dinner included and buffet breakfast the next morning?

probably you won't say anything.

but if you did, you would probably ask, 'are you serious?' then, i would say. 'yeah'
you would then go on asking, 'why? how did you get it? did you win some kind of raffle ticket or something?' and i would say, 'nope. i couldn't get into my flat because there was a fire in our next door flat. the fire alarm went off, everyone had to clear the building. we couldn't get into the building the whole day, couldn't get our stuff and were homeless for a night. so the management gave us a hotel room to spend the night.'

how's that for an excuse? heheh. but no, it's no excuse. it happened just yesterday.
the hotel was a great consolation though. i had the entire room to myself. dinner was terrific. breakfast was superb. watched telly the entire night (left it on while i dozed off) and continued watching the next morning. skipped a lecture (which turned out to be canceled) and a tutorial session as well. i guess my week turned out to be a bit wackier than usual. but above all, i'm grateful that nothing precious was destroyed, no one was hurt, and my room didn't get damaged from the fire, apart from a broken door. Thanks Mr fireman who bust open my door to make sure everythings alright. ^_^

Alhamdulillah. it wasn't extremely bad. i'm sure no one wanted this to happen, but then, the circumstances could have been worse. it's one of those things that serves as a wakeup call. sometimes we get too carried away with our lives. too focussed on the imperfectness of our lives. forgetting to be thankful for what we have, great family, great friends, youth, time, health, conscience, faith.
reminding us to work hard and make the best out of it.

maybe we're lucky this time but who knows what will happen later?

this picture was taken from BBC News. btw, that's my room! (the red circle)

I'm not feeling pretty good today. just felt like sharing my reflective piece which i did for my GP visits last autumn. it's my take on a patient suffering from cerebral aneurysm leading to subarachnoid haemorrhage and death.

the thing you hope will never happen to you might just happen to someone else instead, who has been spending their life dreading the thing that will happen to you. -lemony snicket

basically, that's the story.

****

destiny is something you cannot escape, such as death, or a cheesecake that has curdled, both of which always turn up sooner or later
-lemony snicket

Confessions of A Shopaholic. Not.

well, i've just finished watching Confessions of A Shopalic. hmm. what can i say. it made me feel good. its been a while since i've indulged in a chic flic. and you know how chic flics usually have an after effect. leaving you all tingly and full of hope and seeing the world through a magical window that just brightens the day with colours of all sorts. plastering a smile on your face till the end of the day? okayy, maybe i'm just dreaming away.

having said that, i do think that the book is far better than the movie. i thought Becky Bloomwood was a bit far off. the conflicts she was going through seemed much more important and more acceptable to read about but looked rather silly in the movie.
and besides, isn't she supposed to be British?

but hey, i'm still smiling right ;)

laughter. the best medicine?

lalalala..i didn't know how depressing it was for me to be away from my family.

until recently.

that's when i realized. it's been a long time since i had a huge-all-teeth-showing-big-mouthed-laugh over some ridiculous joke. the silly jokes me and my sisters would always make. added with "the what?" jokes my parents would tell to try and fit in with us youngsters. *(it's called 'the what?' jokes because the 'teka-teki' my dad usually gives would always end with a "huh?" or just silence from us. implying how lame it was. heheh.) we'd have a great laugh at it in the end, no matter how silly it was. fun times. hehe

anyway, to keep my facial muscles healthy and moving (since i've noticed more fat cells are being depositing around my cheeks), these are a few things i watch almost everyday:

1. f.r.i.e.n.d.s. (couldn't get bored even after the 10th time ^_^)
2. istana takeshi (japanese version. i like seeing their enthusiasm, even if it means embarrassing themselves later. hehe)
3. hole in the wall (the japanese version)
4. how i met your mother (although it's not quite as funny as f.r.i.e.n.d.s)
5. bridal stuff ( haha. not for me. for my sis insyaAllah this summer. )
6. oh yeah, f.r.i.e.n.d.s. bloopers. (hilarious!)

ideas

rite. i'm supposed to be producing a creative piece for my Whole Person Care. but since i'm feeling so lazy and uninspired i think i'm just gonna use the old art work that's currently in my room.

that's the piece (i just realized how slanted the line is. haha oh well). so now i just need to create a story or sorta reflection to go with it.
i think i made this piece last winter break (alright, i can't exactly remember when). and yeah, the layers of paint on the canvas do have an underlying meaning. somehow it's a bit personal to me and i'm not exactly sure other people would share the same view. so just to be on the safe side, i'm going to have to come up with a new meaning that could relate to everyone (since i'll have to present it in class).

hmm..any ideas?

My childhood

how i long for those days..

of ponies and rainbows
of story times and nursery rhymes
of skipping ropes and pleated hair
of curiosity and honesty
of equality and equivalence
of optimism
and innocence.

during a time
when the world seem so huge,
so different so distant
yet it felt so inviting
so harmless
so gentle.

i miss my childhood days.

but what i'd missed most,
was the philosophy
I was told;
'you can be whatever you want to be.
all you need is to dream'

funny, i thought. yet
totally inspiring.






*wish it was that simple ^_^

A time to kill

i've just finished watching A time to kill. i think this is my 2nd time coz i'm quite sure it's been aired on tv3 a long2 time before. anyway, this movie is an adaptation of John Grisham's book. it's an excellent movie and it really is inspirational and all. my favourite part was at the end when the defense attorney (Matthew McConoughey) gave his final speech. omg! his words. he could really play with people's emotion. it was terrific. anyway, here's one of my favourite quotes from the movie.

"what is it in us that seeks the truth? is it our minds? or is it our hearts?"

i guess the fact that such simple rhetorical questions could provoke us and actually shift our perspective is quite fascinating. and maybe the fact that most of the times we go about living our lives without even realizing it.

i heard a man gave a speech once where he said 'the heart is the essence of mankind. it is in the heart that we have values. it's how we're able to separate wrong from right' he also gave a simple yet meaningful example. a cat. when a cat gets food from its master. how it sits in front of him taking time to enjoy the food. but just see the difference, when it creeps into someone's kitchen to steal food. and goes running away into the back of an alley. gobbling up the food in a flash. i guess it shows that even animals understand the values behind their actions. which they weren't even taught.

anyway, i'm not quite sure how I got on talking about all this. (~_^). i just wanted to share the quote from the movie (before i forget). zass!

Yaumul Jumaat

besides being one of those blessed days, it also marks the end of my week.
which is such a relief.

the whole week i've been so gloomy. i honestly don't know why. i guess it's one of those things that goes unexplained. no matter how hard i try to make sense of it. i still couldn't find a cure.
and it made my week terribly horrible.

i guess it doesn't take much for us to forget about what's important in life. when we're busy with our own lives and seldom reminded of the disappointing reality that others might be facing.
Alhamdulillah.
we're still alive and breathing and able to appreciate the things that matters to us.
it's true what's mentioned in the Quran, that patience can help you prevail in the end. even in the darkest times when it's so easy to lose hope, it can guide you to through. it might not mean much. but until you've experienced it can you truly understand.

anyhow, that's that. the week's finally over. i guess it wasn't too bad. i did manage to meet new people, discovered a new place to dine, and a friend taught me a bit about playing drums (although it was only an imitation of guitar hero). still, it did somehow made my week better ;)

sometimes,
taking a step back can help you see what's really important.
making sure you're on the right track.
giving you strength for the journey ahead.

it's amazing how small your heart is
how it carries all your feelings inside
concealing them from judging eyes
so you could paint a smile

i hope it never bursts.

it's not that i do things without thinking,

it's that i don't think enough about doing it.
-nmj

Puhghotozowa

Bonjour~ hey therrrre people.

I'm feeling quite happy today. which might explain my sudden urghge to wghrite about my day. what's up with my poor spelling? actually i'm trying to make the words sound a bit french-y..why? well today i had a lecture on parasites (which should be read as- paghazite) and somehow I got influenced. and yeah, the lecturer was french. cool right? she managed to keep me awake throughout the one hour lecture (which doesn't happen so often i might add).
All thanks to her accent.

paghamezium..puhghotozowa..plasmodium falcipaghum eghithgrhocytes..

Saying the words with a french tongue makes them sound so much more interesting. and of course, she's an excellent lecturer. very funny one too.

She certainly adds to my list of foreign lecturers. There's a Russian lecturer teaching Physiology, a Danish lecturer teaching ethics, an Indian lecturer teaching Immunology, and an Italian teaching Anatomy. I adore each and every one of them. Their ability to articulate themselves perfectly despite their accent just strikes me. Somehow it gives me my inspiration to keep on going in this alienating place.

Sometimes I feel that nobody really understands what I'm trying to say here, might as well just keep quiet. Well, that was before, now I know that I'm never going to do myself any good if I just keep it all to myself. I'm not going to lie and say it's easy to survive in a foreign land, but it also couldn't be an excuse for me not to excel in my studies. I guess the challenges that you face is what makes you different from the rest. How you're able to get through them are the true lessons in life. and in the end, when you're finally crossing the finish line (insyaAllah), there's no substitution for what you've accomplished. and when you're able to succeed in the toughest condition..hoyeah, that certainly demands respect (or maybe just self satisfaction would do). *wink

you won't really appreciate the sweetness of honey until you get stung by the bees guarding them.

i made up a terrible analogy but i guess it does convey the meaning somehow (probably not to the extent of getting stung).

By the way, my sis usrah just got admitted into hospital because of infection. Let's all pray for her well being (Amin..) and hopefully she'll get better in no time insyaAllah. She's really such a nice person and it's sad to see her lying debilitated on the bed. hope she'll get through this life's test soon.

oh why the laziness?

memories..
these are what remains forever.
no matter where you are..
and no matter how far..

you'll always have a place inside of me..
though the paths we've chosen might not be the same..
time and experience might have brought you to change..
it's okay.

cause deep down inside..
i know you're still you..
you're still kind and thoughtful..
and compassionate and wonderful..
it's what makes you special,
what makes you, you
what makes me miss
seeing you each day

laughters we've created
road trips we've ventured
fights we've bared
tears we've shed
secrets we've kept
crushes we've shared

learning, understanding, searching, finding
exploring, wondering, failing, winning
through all the times
through all the years
you were there with me
teaching me to stay strong
without even realizing

and for that i'm thankful
to have been so blessed
with such great friends

though you're far away
it doesn't matter
cause i'll always remember you
thanks to the times
we've been through
together

thanks for the memories

heheh, rite, so this entry is just an excuse for me not to start doing my Biochem assignment which is due tomorrow (yeah, quite sucks to have homework in the weekends).
i guess i didn't intended for it to be this jiwang and cheesy, but then, reading it again i really did mean what i wrote. heheh, i guess there's always a bit of jiwangness in all of us. (it depends on us whether we choose to reject it or embrace it haha).
anyway, this goes out to my besties in BBB (z,q,atty,yannie,zati,nada), al-aminians, ikhlasians, budimanians, Al-Khwarizmians, M06jians, (haha the names sound a bit funny adding -ians at the end of my classes) and all my friends no matter where you are.
and to my Bristol friends as well, which I'm hoping to share many more stories and experiences to come insyaAllah.
you guys really taught me about life a lot. and it's a blessing (thank you Allah) to have met and be friends with u ols. haha. seriously! :)

alright, i guess since i'm done with this i'll have to get back to my work. (currently listening to leona lewis run, i love it)
till then.

balik kampung oh oh oh~

So it's nearing the end of February already. It seems so fast how time flies. Well maybe not always. Time goes by quite slow when you're actually in the moment and hoping for something to end soon. But surely, when it's finished you'll find yourself so surprised how quickly it ended. when it's like only yesterday you started it. Well my friends, that usually happens when you're occupied and you have so much to do in a day that you won't have the time to be wasting it on unnecessary things (such as..facebooking haha). I remember when I had the same feeling at the end of first sem. I was busy preparing for my Anat-Histo-Biochem exams that I didn't actually realize my first 3 months in Bristol Uni was coming to an end. It felt like only last week or so that I started my course and right now, it's the end of sem. Frankly speaking, I'm glad that it's getting by so quickly. I guess the first few month wasn't a very pleasant one for me. Trying to fit in such a different crowd, adjusting to the different weather (which wasn't so bad by the way hehe), trying to figure out what the lecturers were saying (yeah man, some of them talk real fast, and what about the accent? that's a tough one), trying to find your way around and memorizing the streets, and well, the other difficulties that you have to experience when coming to a different country. Not to mention the insecurities, inferiority complexes, daunting feelings, frighteness and all sorts of feelings that would arise when you're unsure of what might lie ahead of you. When you're all alone and out of your comfort zone.

So right now I really can't wait to finish my 2nd term and be back in Malaysia for the summer hols. I'm really looking forward to have a wonderful time with my family back home.. to go to pasar malam, eat yong tau foo, balik kampung, eat seafood by the beach at nite.. and just going on a road trip somewhere with the whole family on board. That would be really great. Just last week I ordered some of my photos to be printed from the internet. It arrived after 3 days and I was really excited to stick them on to my board. There's pictures of my family and I when we were in Sabah for a holiday. It was really amazing. and the pictures turned out really great, with the sun shining gayly, the seas swaying, the fishes dancing and all of the wonderful sceneries on the island. Really made my heart jump a few beats thinking about the wonders of Allah's creation. and such a blessing it is to be coming from a country of so many cultures and natural wonders.. so i guess from all this babbling what i'm really trying to say here is that..(well, you might have guessed it already but i'm still going to say it out loud)..
I'm missing my family right now. and i can't wait to be getting home~ :D

Seriously?

Freedom of speech.

Are you sure that's really what it is?
If you ask me, that's just a platform for people to thrash others without worrying about creating a stir and insecurities in the community.
It's true you could learn a lot from hearing what others have to say.
But seriously, does it have to come with such a huge cost?
People beating over each for some stupid cause that they themselves are too immature to actually take some time to learn about?

There's a reason why people put limits to certain things. and this is definitely one of them. Yeah, rules and limits can be really annoying at times. but think about it again, would it be better if there weren't any rules? would people have better conduct without any rules? would crimes get lesser if laws were not created in the first place? would this world be a better place if people were able to do whatever they please? that would be nice wouldn't it? not worrying about the consequences of your actions? of course, that would only be possible if everyone living on earth had a heart of gold. putting others before themselves, being considerate, compassionate, kind, polite, patient...and well, the list just goes on and on..but just stop. we're not made of gold. finding someone with a heart of gold would be so rare and actually quite impossible (literally..hehe). so i guess the thought of not having any limits to whatever we do in life is quite unrealistic really.

what's so hard about accepting people who are different? is it such a threat to you that people dress differently or don't follow the trends of the century? does it worry you that people don't drink as much as you? does it harm you that people have different reasons to live than you?

that's the beauty of diversity. just take a step back. try to see it from a different light. this world is such a wonderful creation to be viewing it from only one end of the spectrum.