Bismillah,
Hello outside world..how r you? I hope you're doing just fine..:)
so it's been some time ago since we last updated each other (or to be exact since I last updated you..huhu yes this has always been a one sided relationship where I just blabber on and you've always been my faithful confidante..unwillingly since the start of 2008)
so yes, i've entered my new phase of life..i'm all grown up now..with a two letter title in front of my name..
Welcome world..Dr Nahdiya has arrived. To be honest, I've been working in Hospital Melaka for almost 4 months which means that I'm coming to the end of my first rotation - surgical. *clap2*
Alhamdulillah, i'm not sure whether I'm happy or sad. At the moment I'm having both feelings. I love working in hospital which is a pleasant surprise. I love dealing with people (who are tolerating, respecting and hardworking). I love patients who are grateful and have a positive attitude. I love my colleagues who have infected me with kindness and who have taught me to laugh through the hard and unbearable times.
I dislike the fact that at times hospitals can be a very stressful environment. Given what's at stake -someone's life. I can't argue over that. However, the fact that it's worsened by unfriendly MOs, the blaming culture, the lack of consideration over the fact that human's are not robots, and when mistakes do happen and if results aren't back, it's not 100% the HOs fault. yes, i do admit. I make blunders, especially being new and not really familiar with the fact that hospitals in Malaysia can be very old school, where you need to chase results by FOOT! running around half the hospital block just to get your FBC and U&E for this one patient. (this always gets me laughing) How inconvenient and inefficient use of time. on the plus side, the view of the mosque and parking area is quite nice on the way to the lab, and the exercise helps me to lose some calories, only thing being drenched in sweat afterwards.. hehe but anyway, machines can break down too you know, PPKs can just wander off and go MIA with the investigation results. so sometimes it's not only the HO fault x)
but all in all, it's still a satisfactory feeling going back home knackered. and praying hard that the deeds you've done throughout the day is considered as amal. A specilaist once reminded me, when I was doing my attachment at Putrajaya Hospital during my final yr of being a med student that there's plenty of 'orang sakit' in hospital, so everyday don't forget to niat untuk menziarahi orang sakit, hopefully we can get some pahala from that.
one thing I feel that I've been reminded a lot is to depend on Allah and don't forget that He is the ruler and controller of all. Many a times my heart just stops and goes to my tummy when the specialist or surgeons come and do their rounds and finds out this is wrong or that particular thing should be left in front, or something is not following their exact order on top of asking who was the first person to discover H.pylori. and who is Childs-Pugh or whoever and being clueless most of the times. At that point you just feel like borrowing Harry Potter's invisibility cloak. Or that time when your specialist suddenly requests you to be at another ward during his round so he can assess you. and you're just wondering what other misfortune will happen to you next. But alas, in that desperate moment, is actually the best time to make dua and pray to the highest power that this particular humanbeing will not extend you or re-tag you or impose any kind of punishment whatsoever, instead of being scared of another human being.
and because of this as well, it reminds me that I have my mutabaah amal to complete, and try to hafal surah whenever i can.. to use my limited time in the car for ma'thurat and so on. Because when you put your heart at the right place, that is to fear Allah more than to fear human, it makes being scolded or scowled at by your specialist much more bearable. hehe it this makes sense. and it makes you feel closer to Him.
despite saying this, the sight of any specialists back will still make me take the longer route even if that means climbing 4 flights of stairs.
oh well.
The first ward I ever worked in 4-2 with lovely people
take care,
Nahdiya
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