Of saving lives and not killing them

Yesterday after Maghrib, around 8pm a staff nurse asked me: doktor, doktor dah buka ke? ( as in buka puasa, since now is Ramadan). 

Me: belum lg..sy tgh nk selamatkan nyawa orang ni. 

Without really exaggerating, it was literally true. My patient was admitted due to variceeal bleed. He had haematemasis but has resolved for about a day and there were no signs of active bleeding. At 7pm his bp suddenly dropped. Not responding to fluid challenge. Called my MO whether we should start inotropes. He said the pt is likely having active internal bleed and told me to get fbc stat and to get 4pints blood. Had to wait for 30mins for blood to be ready and his bp is further dropping. Requested for safe O blood. Transfused immediately. While transfusing, suddenly blood came oozing out from his back soaking almost all of the mattress. Yikes! So hb was dropping, platlet was only 10. gsc dropping. Had to intubate. Had to dash to the lab for more packed cells, for divc regime. And there I was running to and fro from the ward and blood bank getting more and more blood. For the sake of this one man's life. It ws 8.15pm and only then had I manged to get 1 sip of air cendol I bought earlier to break my fast. And i felt so exhausted after the life saving sprints. but so good that I could help. My mo said to me, u have to run and get the blood. This is the only thing that will save the patient's life. and it made my strides a lot wider. 

Today, I watched some of gaza footage on Facebook. I've been trying to hold myself from watching them cause I know I will just have rivers of tears that will never stop. And I'll feel so wiped out after that. And luckily I managed to contain myself, but I can't help but feel so outraged at the zionists for being so zalim and so inhumane that they deserve for the whole world to pray bad thoughts for them. May Allah grant our prayers and save Palestine and the people who are fighting hard every day to protect the land and to merely survive. May the children of gaza die as martyr or grow up to become great people and not be affected by the trauma and pain. ameen. 

I'm not sure how this entry is beneficial.  Basically, I just need a platform to vent. 

till then 

Loves

Doc Nahdiya