of an off day

so Assalamualaikum and hi..

so today was my off day, peculiar enough  i din't go back to bangi. since i just went back 2 days ago.. 

i've made a list of things to do but only managed to complete 30% of it.. which is not so impressive

i'm currently just 2 weeks into my paeds posting.. umm so far so good.. i suppose..

the first week was horrible.. i hope this week will be better.. i think i really like kids.. but the hecticness of the ward makes me not like paeds.. yes, this is me, the fikle minded, the one who's so hard to make decision..

which reminds me, i haven't yet applied for my placement.. a part of me just wants to go off to another country and work as something else, but another part of me really enjoys being a doctor.. so i don't know is it worth trying to find a doctorish job in a another country? will i be happy? this is so difficult.. i'm really contented where i am at the moment, having a nice home close to the hospital, a nice family, nice friends, money to buy things i like, all of which i should be thankful abd grateful to Allah..but in a few months time things will change.. my work place will change, my housemates will change, my status? umm i don't know bout that.. 

anyway, i've been thinking, i miss my old self, my self who loves adventure, who loves to be surrounded by nature, who loves to walk in the rain, who is weird, who is a dreamer and who is a fighter for what she wants.. i think slowly i'm losing myself..

but certain things keep u grounded.. like an old pair pf jeans that remind u which countries u've been in them, like a cute backpack which remind u which country u bought it from and from which friend u went with, or a cardigan to wear on a rainy day to remind u which country u used to study in., or a certain habit that reminds u always remember Allah and yo always depend on him like reading ma'thurat in the car, all of which reminds u a bit of yourself and brings u back to ur essence.

so today, 3 things that i learnt about myself:

1. u just need to ask to make something happen 

2. being loyal is one of my strongest traits

3. u can't just like a person because he fulfills 2 things on your criteria because for all u know he can always be fooling around with so many other girls

okayy, so the 3rd one is not about me..

anyway, i am aiming for hospitals close to bangi which are hospital putrajaya, hospital seremban, hospital kuala pilah 

and hopefully in that time i'll be able to find a spouse 😂 

hmm yes, i know, i'm not getting any younger..😭

okay dokes, need to sleep, tmrw i'm working pm shift which is bad so need to work up early and breakfast..

see ya layters, 

bye salam 

dr nahdiya

stealing my sis's bokkitta 

supermann in the house yo