of the past

I was looking through my old entries and I found the following.  Reading it just strike a cord in me.  Oh Allah, I've come so far from you.  I just think I need to be able to miss You again, like I once did in the past.  It's definitely harder when you are distracted by other things. and also when you've become busier.  I need to clear my mind and get back to my old self again.  or at least the part where I long for You. 

You know when you feel like your hearts definitely gone 'keras'.  I suppose it's not really obvious until you sit back and try to fathom what's actually been going on for the past year or so and think about your actions.  And then you realise, what you've missed out and why you are the certain way you are or how you feel.  The thing about that is, in the end, it is always up to you.  No matter what everyone else thinks or says, it's up to you whether you want it, whether you want to work for it, or whether you want to change it. 

Oh Allah, please forgive my sins & mistake. I hope I can learn to get closer to you again.

It's only for You.

i'd like to cut my heart out
and place it gently in a beautiful box
with sparkles and colourful decors
and a lid attached on top.

and there, my heart would lie 
calm and peaceful it shall be
beating softly in a pleasant rhythm
waiting for the moment,
for it to be unraveled.

I wrap the box over again,
with shiny strands of red ribbon, 
hoping to show my affection,
also serving as a protection,
from all the wonderful temporary attractions.

and constantly I pray, I pray and I pray,so the box will remain hard and strong,
to combat the abounding tools of the thieves,
secluding it from the whispers of 'shaitoooon'.

as I find my way to His door,
using His written map as a guide,I pray that my small gift would be accepted,by Him, the most Loving of all,
Allah, my one and only Lord. 

Amin.
p/s: ya Muqallibal Qulub, thabits qulubana ala dinik, wa ala thoatik.

-nmj 20.14 on the 29/01/13 post 2nd long case