of a new beginning

bismillah..

it's been a while since i last updated u on my life.. sooo many things have changed.. ☺️

u know what uncle Sam, Peter Parker's uncle said to him "with great power comes great responsibility"? 

yup, i'm feeling it now.

so first thing is, all praise to Allah.. i finished my HOship.. huhu i'm currenlty a MO.. i was a HOMO before when i was floating in paeds only for a few days hihu because i took my remaining HO leaves.. so i only worked for 3 days of that month..

and then i went on a journey to cambodia for 4 days hihihi.. 

my housemates and i hv moved out from our place in melaka. the place thAt ws a bit unkempt due to our hectic schedule but nevertheless served us very well andgave us so many memories.. hmm i miss it.. but its to allow us to embark on our own journeys.,

so yeah i'm curently in a new place in KL, i'm in my 3rd week. where my patients are mostly chinese. who come in with their son's and daighters as interpretor for BM.. so u can see it is a problem when they don't hv an interpretor, know limited BM, and with me knowing zilch in mandarin apart from ni hao ma?

anyway, i'm quitr enjoying my time there. my collegues r very nice. guiding me, the most junior there. hweh, i hv made a few blunders i must say. but thnkfully they r quite cool. and i suppose its all part of the learning curve. i hope i'll be a lot better in the months to come. i mean, i do want to make a difference in their lives, to ease their sufferings and help them in even the slightest way possible. a.k.a being a good doctor. and that means i hv to read the guideline, prescribe medication that r most useful for their condition and refer to them when nexessary to specialists dept and know what interventions thag can be offered. 

and all of this starts with finding myself a shirley ooi book. huhu

was nice talking to u. i'll upfate u more later. thanks for listenjng. 😘

urs, 

nahdiya

smiling in times of hardship is a sign of courage

sisters trip to cambodia

 housemates trip to langkawi

our trip to ipoh during our last posting

haha okay, so myb i miss them lots.. 

of tiny cry babies

hi world.. it's me again..

it's been a while..☺️

so many things to tell u.. but i'll just share with u one thing at a time

i'm in scn now.. a land of blue lights, incubators and cry babies..at first i had quite a culture shock adapting and all but slowly i'm learning to like it..hihi.. learning to find colleagues i can work well with, learning to build confidence and expose myself to different kinds of resus scenarios which by the way still scares the whatever out of me when i gt called.. 

but good team mates get me motivated and i appreciate having them a lot.. there's still the 'tak puas hati' and gossip and lazy bums hanging around.. but i just keep jy ears closed and do whatver i think is best..so so far Alhamdulillah.. 

last week i gt a call from my cousin to help change his father in laws cbd and ryles tube. i asked my friend for help and we went to their house. singgah kjp to buy fruits as buah tgn and my friend helped me to carry it to the car..i actually noticed it and i thought it was really sweet.. anyway despite the awkwardness.. it was very kind of my friend to help me out especially on such late notice.. may Allah ease my friend's affairs.. and i probably need to repay him back one day. 

i really love this quote 

i'm thinking it's time for a long getaway.. or myb not so long.. need to find out how many ALs i have.. update u leayter.

urs, nahdiya

of a little rant

many a times u just wonder why one comes and leaves.. then u remember there's lessons to be learnt from everyone u meet.. and today coming home from work u feel contented.. because slowly ur learning to open up and love the people around you.. 

and the only appropriate response u can think of is gratefulness

at diana's wedding 

yours truly, 

nahdiya

of a little prayer

whoever you really are, i hope Allah will protect u from harming and hurting yourself.. 

i pray may Allah accept our deeds and forgive our sins.. 

and i hope for the best for you, my friend, just as i would for myself.. inshaAllah..

take care.

your friend always, 

nahdiya

of an insight

because everyone has an evil side.. u just need to learn to control it

of an off day

so Assalamualaikum and hi..

so today was my off day, peculiar enough  i din't go back to bangi. since i just went back 2 days ago.. 

i've made a list of things to do but only managed to complete 30% of it.. which is not so impressive

i'm currently just 2 weeks into my paeds posting.. umm so far so good.. i suppose..

the first week was horrible.. i hope this week will be better.. i think i really like kids.. but the hecticness of the ward makes me not like paeds.. yes, this is me, the fikle minded, the one who's so hard to make decision..

which reminds me, i haven't yet applied for my placement.. a part of me just wants to go off to another country and work as something else, but another part of me really enjoys being a doctor.. so i don't know is it worth trying to find a doctorish job in a another country? will i be happy? this is so difficult.. i'm really contented where i am at the moment, having a nice home close to the hospital, a nice family, nice friends, money to buy things i like, all of which i should be thankful abd grateful to Allah..but in a few months time things will change.. my work place will change, my housemates will change, my status? umm i don't know bout that.. 

anyway, i've been thinking, i miss my old self, my self who loves adventure, who loves to be surrounded by nature, who loves to walk in the rain, who is weird, who is a dreamer and who is a fighter for what she wants.. i think slowly i'm losing myself..

but certain things keep u grounded.. like an old pair pf jeans that remind u which countries u've been in them, like a cute backpack which remind u which country u bought it from and from which friend u went with, or a cardigan to wear on a rainy day to remind u which country u used to study in., or a certain habit that reminds u always remember Allah and yo always depend on him like reading ma'thurat in the car, all of which reminds u a bit of yourself and brings u back to ur essence.

so today, 3 things that i learnt about myself:

1. u just need to ask to make something happen 

2. being loyal is one of my strongest traits

3. u can't just like a person because he fulfills 2 things on your criteria because for all u know he can always be fooling around with so many other girls

okayy, so the 3rd one is not about me..

anyway, i am aiming for hospitals close to bangi which are hospital putrajaya, hospital seremban, hospital kuala pilah 

and hopefully in that time i'll be able to find a spouse 😂 

hmm yes, i know, i'm not getting any younger..😭

okay dokes, need to sleep, tmrw i'm working pm shift which is bad so need to work up early and breakfast..

see ya layters, 

bye salam 

dr nahdiya

stealing my sis's bokkitta 

supermann in the house yo

of sakit kaki

penatnye paedsss.. nk nangis bolehh? 

enjoyable la jgk tp penat.. sakit kaki.. sakit blkg.. da lama tak dpt g swimming sedihnyeeee..byk pulak complaint..🙏 yela da 6th posting haruslah pandai complaint ngehe

anyway i'm really happy my friend yannie got married last sunday and i got to attend her wedding so yay! Alhamdulillah

i love weddings. and it's better if it's a friend or family wedding that i'm close with. i think finding a friend, spouse or someone who can tolerate u is a real blessing and rezeki. and i'm just happy for their rezeki so i like attending weddings.. besides there's always the free food to look forward to.. hehe 

anyway, to my dearest friend, may her life be blessed with mawaddah sakinah and rahmah and may she settle down well in uk. 

and then i got to catch up with my gurl friends as well.. just like old times

of my eop

its all about the coffee

can't put my eyes to sleep because i drank coffee just now. so genius. 

i've been thinking 2 things i really wish i can do for/with my parents/family:

1. pergi umrah together

2. pergi ohio, US to see their old college

inshaAllah one day Ameen

urs, nahdiya

let's sleeeep

of organ donation

hallluuuu.. it's me again.. guess what tomorrow instead of working like a normal HO i'll be going to mmu to open a booth and promote organ donation.. 

malasnyeeeer.. i'd rather go into ot... hwehhhhh.. anyway, just need to read up on the slides.. and i'll be sorted.. or i think so ... hmm 

haha from 2008 to 2015.. 

103 high kingsdown lives on forever inshaaAllah 😁 tiba2 je kan

little gumba's

wish we well tmrw inshaaAllah,

yours truly, nahdiya

it's raya

and i'm still clueless about my life 😭

myb because i'm hungrrryyy... and i can't think straight

on 4th day of raya wishing u taqaballahuminna wa minkum,

nad mj

so far into ramadhan

so today is already the 25th night of ramadhan.. it's going by so fast.. to thibk that it was like yeasterday i was in bangi celebrating 1st ramadhan with my family.. 

anyway, so far i'ce been to masjid al azim for tarawih prayers 😊 Alhamdulillah.. that's one box checked.. i havent yet managed to iktikaf at the masjid bcause im scared to go alone.. last time i went to masjid batu pahat was with mu aunties so we had eeach other to look out for if something happens.. anyway, i'll try to go next monday since i work night on tuesday so i can go home and doze off after hehe xx

so far i have only rememorized an naba, i havent used my tasbih in the car daily, i have managed to give sedekah at least eod, i haven't managed to read quran daily.. i wish i could

but anyway, the important thing is to make each ramadhan better than the previous one and i think i've achieved it inshaAllah. there's still a few more days left of ramadhan so hv to use my time wisely. 

i found out that working while trying to complete my ramadhan checklist is really challenging..and when i get off or post nite it's easier.. it just shows that juggling work life balance is quite hard.. so i salute all the ho or mo mothers out there and those with families and need to multi task a lot.. kudos!! wish someday i'll be a mother.. i've been getting really broody recently.. and i might just hv the interest to be a paediatrician.. we'll see

anywya, today i hv a lot of things at hand..

i plan to make cake batik and cook for buka.. i think i'll just make tomyam and telur dadar and masak nasi.. hehe 

and need to prepare for presentation tmrw and fill in my logbook

may Allah ease inshaAllah. 

urs truly

nahdiya 

with my lovely housemates at simply fish

(minus one)

of me

maybe it's time to grow up!

of 1st ramadhan 1436

my to do list for ramadhan in shaa Allah:

1. read quran daily

2. try to khatam 

3. give sadaqah daily (at least rm1 a day)

4. try to rememorise juz 30 (with meaning, if possible) 

5. read syed qutb's in the shade of quran for juz 30 and surah taha 

6. sabr in times of anger

7. smile in times of knackeredness

8. utilise tasbih in the car daily

ok let the cleansing of our soul begin. 

jom rebut pahaha :)

urs always, 

nahdiya

of small people

kanak kanak adalah sgt comel. fullstop. little rascals they may be, but they can be as cute as a kitten. 

subhanallah mashaallah tabarakallah

spec terbalik pun bolehhh

urs, 

nahdiya

of smiles

of an eventful weekend

salam, it's me again..

so Alhmdulillah i've managed to get a post nite on saturday and off today.

so yesterday i went to diana's wedding. it was in Cheng. true, i'm not that close with her. but she was someone who i kinda liked befriending. so i wanted to attend her kenduri. luckily unae was able to come as well. 

so i reached her kenduri a bit late. managed to fill up our tummies and get a picture with her. in the car i had a heart to heart sesh with unae. sent her back to ED. had 1 hour nap then woke up and went swimming with munya. 

i needed the swimming sesh. i just love floating supine and let go of my body and look up to the sky.. wondering.. about things..and then our routine gossip sessions in between laps. 

so after that went back home, solat maghrib, packed up my stuff and drove back to bangi. 

next day, woke up early drove to depot imigresen for rohingya where i volunteered to do medical check up for them under Imaret. it was a really nice early morning drive and the place is actually in broga. so there was mist and it was really cool to see all the cyclists and people all geared up to ccljmb broga. 

it felt good being able to find time to volunteer. however there were a lot of mixed feelings when dealing with them. 

hmm. maybe later on i'll delve deeper into this topic. anyway, tomorrow i have basic life support course. and i just reached melaka. need to rest. and sleep hehe. i'll update u soon

yours, 

Dr Nahdiya

of road manners

so i was driving yesterday back from makan and someone flashed my car, to allow me to pass through the narrow road first. it reminded me when i was driving back in the uk when we normally used flash as an indicator to give way to the other vehicle frist, instead of using flash to say get out of my way. 

ahh the good old days. road manners just makes my day. 😁

yours, 

Dr Nahdiya 

of jumaah mubarakah

salam jumuah everyone..

Alhamdulillah tis a very wonderful and sunny morning and i just finished my night shift. 

last night was hectic and very2 eventful. or in common words, jonah.. 

though i seriously think it's not me. 

it was probably from the ones on the shift before me..

anywya, will talk about it after i have my nap. really need one at the moment hehe

post night walking to parking 😁

of an amusing encounter

so i've been approached by several people throughout my life. some may be friends and some may be strangers asking whether i wear eye liner. 

this includes my discipline teacher during primary and also secondary school. which may have determined whether i would be getting detention or not for wearing make up in school. 

of course who knows me will know i have never owned an eyeliner in my life which also means i do not wear it. 

but the latest respond i got from my friend was the most amusing one, and she said shockingly,

 "tipulah mata kau mmg macam tu" 

ahh peluh besar please. 

please believe me. anyway, it's funny cos i've always grown up looking like this. so makes me think its just normal. until other ppl come and ask me thing s like that and it makes me think, is it abnormal? do i look like an alien? 

till then, 

dr alien

of an epiphany

today i learnt how to differentiate true friends from fake, unworthy ones.. sad but true.. big sigh

of a to do list

hello world, so my to do list for today..

1. ganti puasa 

2. bayar rent

3. bayar letrik

4. join mercy 

5. decide nk buat mrcp tak 

of missing home

please take care of each other and your mom. and don't forget to doakan ur ayah and grandparents ok. 

i love u both, 

mak ngah

of some thought before going to bed

i hope everyone's well at gome.. i really miss them.. especially in times like this.. i suppose that's the difference between kids and adults.. if a kid will throw tantrun and does impulsive things that will make him/her get what he/she wants.

an adult on the hand, faces things that are unwanted in life with sabar and doa that Allah will take care of the rest And try to find meaning behind it. even if i am still feeling quite clueless right now..

oh Allah please ease our affairs in dunya and akhirah...

or make us strong to go throught ur tests ameeen 

of a bit of sadness

salam.. long time no see..

it is the cycle of life that when one enters the world, others will go..

i'm in my car in front of my house and it's raining outside. hmm...i don't feel like going out.. 

these past few days hv been quite sad..

but with everything in life, u just take it in with a pinch of salt..

and carry on ur life as usual..

and u keep on reminding urself that the only constant is Allah..

and pray hard that He will make it alright inshaAllah..

of screaming out load

i feel so angry...urgh i can just scream so loud till my ear drums pop out

of a last minute getaway

and so it ends.. today.. the adrenaline, the teamwork, the astonishment, the awe..

waking up in the morning in denial.. but the food is a good motivation to wake up 

of Amniotic fluid and the likes

hi there, long time no see.. it's me here.. and yes it has come to that time where yet again i will be embarking on a new terrain. and i'm speaking career wise. 

sobi'm currently wnjoying my end of posting for OnG. i'm so glad i've finished it Alhamdulillah. it was an interesting posting. i found some parts very nauseating but ofhers very worthwhile. as always its always a mixture. and sticking to my true nature of being fickleminded, i am yet to decide what path am i passionate to pursue..and a long sigh comes...

well, sorry can't stay long, need to get ready. am currently at Bunbury western australia, planning to go to Treetop Walks today.. huhu may Allah make ease... i'll tell u more about our trip later.. till i see u again.. toodalooo~ 

😁 yours truly, 

Dr Nahdiya Md Jan

of updates

hey its me again, and its been awhile since i last posted. so umm.. there's a few changes in my life. my housemate just got married. we went and it ws great. so happy for her Alhamdulillah. then there's the empty room becAuse she's now become housemates with her husband a.k.a living together with her husband. haha so now there's 2 ppl comig in to fill in the empty space. and ill b getting the bigger room yay! so now only issue is i have to start moving my thinngs into the new room. and finish everthing within an hour. cos after this ill b travelling to jb with k farah and farihin. to meet our dearest hani since she's in msia now... hmmm so mich change.. and another major thing i forgot to mention is..,ive finished ortho hihihihi so happy Alhamdulillah. 

ill b starting o n g next week. which im not really looking forward cus i heard there's a lot of ahouting and such. herghhh back to the dreaded surgical days.. and it ws so much fun in ortho with my peri team and kind specialists and mo 😌

anyway no point dreading thing which havent yet happened. need to move on and move forward! i can make it through inshaAllah cuz Allah is always there. its me je who is such a disapointing srvant who doesnt always ask and rmmber and obey His commands. 

for betterment in the future inshaAllah. 

cmon nad.UK u cn do it!!! 👊

of life as a worm..a bookworm

so recently i've been burrowing my head in this book.. if u know me u know well enough it's not a medical book..and u're right.. i've spent my off days and free time with mr archer's masterpiece.. 'paths of glory' which i got for 6 ringgit at popular.. there's like a clearance sale and certain books were on sale on such good price..anyway, the story is awesome, it's based kn a true story about an englishman wanting to set history by being the first man to teach the top of everest.. the setting was in 1900 - 1926.. he was a gifted climber and how he sacrificed his life to claim glory but being a great family man and having to make sacrifices as well.. anyway, what o learnt from the book is that, u should always try and treat each other kindly, especially your friends and always look out for one another, also always give encouragement to each other and don't be too sceptical because you may never know what they may achieve.. ahh.. so anyway, i don't have any more fun reading material left which means i need to get a head start on my orthopaedics 101.. wish me luck please..thank u for your encouragement 😋

yours always, 

Nahdiya Md Jan

 

suddenly feeling nostalgic

of boredom being on night duty

so i'm currently in the ward, oh yes if i haven't uet updated u i'm currenlty into my third posting which is orthopaedics. hmm am quite liking it at the moment, and the people as well..oppss the working environment i mean heheh.. quite the opposite from medical..where as medical is very hectic and non-stop admission/issues, ortho is very straight forward op or no op..jobless or jobful (if there is such a term).. if there is work its here and now.. or one could just hang around and read a story book.. whih i currently am.. i'm on night duty today and i brought a companion to fill my spare time.. i'm almost finishing this new book lemony snicket's 'all the wrong question'..and an currently 2/3 into reading it only to realise it has a prequel which is the 1st book.. but nevertheless it's still worth a read.. i love how snicket can play with words and be witty at the same time.. and how playful he is with naming the characters..for instance there is this diner's owner named Hungry. and then there's the dialog between the main character and his friend, 

'are u hungry?' 

'yes, i am', 

'that's funny, i thought someone else was Hungry' 

haha funny right? and then it continues..

'i don't follow u, Snicket' 

'then follow me, Moxie' 

haha this is just genius..

anyway, enough of him.. 

hmm i'm reaching 30 and i'm still in denial and clueless about my life.. is this part of growing up? having no idea of how to grow up? 

yes, sorry to end this post with an unexpected twist. i hope something pans out in front of me and shows me a path i should take, something or someone..preferably tall and handsoem

lols 

take care, loves, 

Dr Nahdiya B (for bristol as they now know me in ortho) 

Undecided

So I'm almost finishing my medical rotation. alhamdulillah am very grateful for the experiences. For all the hardship, the backpain, the painful heels, the panda eyes, the working for more about 20 hours non stop. I think I must've gained something, if it's not only knowledge, it should be pahala. hmm, then again, was my intention truly ikhlas for him? Did I set my niat every morning? Did I act kind to people around me? I noticed the greatest test for me is to be kind in times of total knackeredness... Hmm..I hope so. I hope I've done the best for Him. I hope to be the best for Him. 

Should I pursue MRCP?

still undecided, 

Doc Nad 

Of saving lives and not killing them

Yesterday after Maghrib, around 8pm a staff nurse asked me: doktor, doktor dah buka ke? ( as in buka puasa, since now is Ramadan). 

Me: belum lg..sy tgh nk selamatkan nyawa orang ni. 

Without really exaggerating, it was literally true. My patient was admitted due to variceeal bleed. He had haematemasis but has resolved for about a day and there were no signs of active bleeding. At 7pm his bp suddenly dropped. Not responding to fluid challenge. Called my MO whether we should start inotropes. He said the pt is likely having active internal bleed and told me to get fbc stat and to get 4pints blood. Had to wait for 30mins for blood to be ready and his bp is further dropping. Requested for safe O blood. Transfused immediately. While transfusing, suddenly blood came oozing out from his back soaking almost all of the mattress. Yikes! So hb was dropping, platlet was only 10. gsc dropping. Had to intubate. Had to dash to the lab for more packed cells, for divc regime. And there I was running to and fro from the ward and blood bank getting more and more blood. For the sake of this one man's life. It ws 8.15pm and only then had I manged to get 1 sip of air cendol I bought earlier to break my fast. And i felt so exhausted after the life saving sprints. but so good that I could help. My mo said to me, u have to run and get the blood. This is the only thing that will save the patient's life. and it made my strides a lot wider. 

Today, I watched some of gaza footage on Facebook. I've been trying to hold myself from watching them cause I know I will just have rivers of tears that will never stop. And I'll feel so wiped out after that. And luckily I managed to contain myself, but I can't help but feel so outraged at the zionists for being so zalim and so inhumane that they deserve for the whole world to pray bad thoughts for them. May Allah grant our prayers and save Palestine and the people who are fighting hard every day to protect the land and to merely survive. May the children of gaza die as martyr or grow up to become great people and not be affected by the trauma and pain. ameen. 

I'm not sure how this entry is beneficial.  Basically, I just need a platform to vent. 

till then 

Loves

Doc Nahdiya

Of a new beginning

Alhamdulillah I'm done with surgical (correction: surgery) and will embark on my journey in medical (cough2 I mean medicine) tomorrow.. Done melayan kerenah2 superiors yang ada angin lintang hehe but I'm sure gonna miss some of them for sure..

Bismillah May Allah ease

the ups and downs of being a HO (part 1)

Bismillah,

Hello outside world..how r you? I hope you're doing just fine..:)

so it's been some time ago since we last updated each other (or to be exact since I last updated you..huhu yes this has always been a one sided relationship where I just blabber on and you've always been my faithful confidante..unwillingly since the start of 2008)

so yes, i've entered my new phase of life..i'm all grown up now..with a two letter title in front of my name..

Welcome world..Dr Nahdiya has arrived. To be honest, I've been working in Hospital Melaka for almost 4 months which means that I'm coming to the end of my first rotation - surgical. *clap2*

Alhamdulillah, i'm not sure whether I'm  happy or sad. At the moment I'm having both feelings.  I love working in hospital which is a pleasant surprise.  I love dealing with people (who are tolerating, respecting and hardworking). I love patients who are grateful and have a positive attitude.   I love my colleagues who have infected me with kindness and who have taught me to laugh through the hard and unbearable times.  

I dislike the fact that at times hospitals can be a very stressful environment. Given what's at stake -someone's life. I can't argue over that.  However, the fact that it's worsened by unfriendly MOs, the blaming culture, the lack of consideration over the fact that human's are not robots, and when mistakes do happen and if results aren't back, it's not 100% the HOs fault.  yes, i do admit. I make blunders, especially being new and not really familiar with the fact that hospitals in Malaysia can be very old school, where you need to chase results by FOOT! running around half the hospital block just to get your FBC and U&E for this one patient.  (this always gets me laughing) How inconvenient and inefficient use of time. on the plus side, the view of the mosque and parking area is quite nice on the way to the lab, and the exercise helps me to lose some calories, only thing being drenched in sweat afterwards.. hehe but anyway, machines can break down too you know, PPKs can just wander off and go MIA with the investigation results. so sometimes it's not only the HO fault x)

but all in all, it's still a satisfactory feeling going back home knackered.  and praying hard that the deeds you've done throughout the day is considered as amal.  A specilaist once reminded me, when I was doing my attachment at Putrajaya Hospital during my final yr of being a med student that there's plenty of 'orang sakit' in hospital, so everyday don't forget to niat untuk menziarahi orang sakit, hopefully we can get some pahala from that.  

one thing I feel that I've been reminded a lot is to depend on Allah and don't forget that He is the ruler and controller of all.  Many a times my heart just stops and goes to my tummy when the specialist or surgeons come and do their rounds and finds out this is wrong or that particular thing should be left in front, or something is not following their exact order on top of asking who was the first person to discover H.pylori.  and who is Childs-Pugh or whoever and being clueless most of the times.  At that point you just feel like borrowing Harry Potter's invisibility cloak. Or that time when your specialist suddenly requests you to be at another ward during his round so he can assess you. and you're just wondering what other misfortune will happen to you next.  But alas, in that desperate moment, is actually the best time to make dua and pray to the highest power that this particular humanbeing will not extend you or re-tag you or impose any kind of punishment whatsoever, instead of being scared of another human being. 

and because of this as well, it reminds me that I have my mutabaah amal to complete, and try to hafal surah whenever i can.. to use my limited time in the car for ma'thurat and so on.  Because when you put your heart at the right place, that is to fear Allah more than to fear human, it makes being scolded or scowled at by your specialist much more bearable.  hehe it this makes sense. and it makes you feel closer to Him. 

despite saying this, the sight of any specialists back will still make me take the longer route even if that means climbing 4 flights of stairs.  

oh well. 

                   

                              The first ward I ever worked in 4-2 with lovely people

take care,

Nahdiya