bismillah.

today, i'm going to write about podocytes. the other day, our lecturer mispelled it on his slides to po0docytes. that was funny. hehe. try saying it. sorry for the weird opening sentences, but this is not what the main idea is about.

back to the point, for some of you who might have not taken bio in IB/Alevels/matrics/college, podocytes are the small cells sticking onto the blood vessels in the nephron (kidneys).

i'll show you a picture of it. (courtesy of uncle Google)



although they might look like creepy crawlies or the bad pirate squid guy in Pirates of the Caribbean, i find these guys are quite fetching. don't you think so? and probably our admiration in any creations on this earth should be attributed to Allah. subhanAllah.

research shows that these podocytes actually run along the blood vesels and sits themselves on a spot and then cleanse the blood vessel wall by a mechanism called (i can't remember) let's just call it flushing. basically, underneath the podocytes is the subpodoctes space (SPS). fluid from inside the blood vessel will move out to the SPS then move back into the blood vessel. and that is how the podocytes cleanses the vessel wall, which is very important because our vessel wall in the kidneys are what is used to filter our blood from foreign/toxic stuff. so its important to make sure the filter itself is clean. so after that part is clean, the podocytes will then move to another spot, and do the same thing. does it make sense to you? or maybe i'm just making sense to myself. haha. sorry! -_-;

comel kan Allah's creation? pakcik2 podocytes tiny yg byk berjasa. subhanAllah. and the same goes to our hearts. it's important for us to cleanse it from time to time. if our heart is what we use to filter the right from wrong, it definitely has to be kept clean. from dosa, from disease (penyakit hati..hehe), and make it sparkling clean insyaAllah.

[إِنَّ فِي خَلْقِ السَّمَـوَتِ وَالاٌّرْضِ وَاخْتِلَـفِ اللَّيْلِ وَالنَّهَارِ وَالْفُلْكِ الَّتِى تَجْرِى فِى الْبَحْرِ بِمَا يَنفَعُ النَّاسَ وَمَآ أَنزَلَ اللَّهُ مِنَ السَّمَآءِ مِن مَّآءٍ فَأَحْيَا بِهِ الاٌّرْضَ بَعْدَ مَوْتِهَا وَبَثَّ فِيهَا مِن كُلِّ دَآبَّةٍ وَتَصْرِيفِ الرِّيَـحِ وَالسَّحَابِ الْمُسَخَّرِ بَيْنَ السَّمَآءِ وَالأَرْضِ لآيَـتٍ لِّقَوْمٍ يَعْقِلُونَ ]

(Verily, in the creation of the heavens and the earth, and in the alternation of night and day, and the ships which sail through the sea with that which is of use to mankind, and the water which Allah sends down from the sky and makes the earth alive therewith after its death, and the moving creatures of all kinds that He has spread therein, and in the veering of winds and clouds which are held between the sky and the earth, are indeed signs for people of understanding.) (2:164)

let's start our spring cleaning iAllah! ;D
-nmj

all this rant is so unncessary. i'm so sorry if people have been reading this. i seriously need to mend myself. i've been acting unreasonable for the past few days. or maybe weeks. part of me says its because i haven't come to terms yet with my lost. part of me says its the hard work, or the lack of. and a deeper part of me is whispering that i've lost my passion. which i seriously need searching for right now.

i need a quick fix.

Allah, help me please. Amin.

hihik..just got off the phone with mum. it's the best feeling. especially after some time now i haven't called home. and the weather today is fantastic Alhamdulillah. ;)

a bit of newsflash from home: adah is now a mother! and so young..my 10 year old sister is now a proud mother of 2 rabbits. combi and comba. and this weekend she's gone off to kem fatayat leaving her babies with their grans. apparently she's the new popular kid on the block because of her new rabbit babies. hmm. i wonder if my pet rabbit that i let out the cage once will ever come back.

bismillah.

it's been a while since i've written. i've been pondering silently and soothing out my heart from a small tear. and Alhamdulillah, i think its slowly healing. :)

this week, i've managed to catch my breath from the hospital work. we, the 3rd years have been banned from the wards to give way for 5th years long cases. although, i am losing out on potential patients to clerk, the positive side is there will be no more vicious fighting with 5th years for patients after this since they'll be gone. GONE i tell you. yeah, off to somewhere exotic for their electives.

so, that's that. and my formative long case is tomorrow. NOOOOO~ i hate oral assessments. hat with a capital H and an e added at the end. Hate!

right, enough with the so called therapeutic rambling. i've been listening to a few talks to fill in the unusually abundant free time i have at home. i've been listening to talks on TED and BBC. the TED one was about balancing life and work, while the BBC was slightly more serius topic which is moderation in islamic countries of something like that. and i came to a conclusion. my lessons for this week:

1. work for your own sake and compete your own self. (not forgetting, lillahita'ala.) thing is, most of us have different ways of learning, different working ethics, different ideas and values. which makes no sense to do it some other person's way if our capabilities are different. and also, i think the healthiest form of competition is with one self. cause there won't be any judgement or animosity towards others.
*note to self: please think about what i want to be which i still don't have the foggiest!* growing up is so difficult.

2. an individual's stand does not represent a whole nations stand. 2 things i want to stress is the ability to make peace with one's decision, which might not be agreeable with others, and also the importance of tarbiyah. or education instead of imposing. (i was taken aback when Msia's PM mentioned about it. hihi, in a good way.) and also on this topic, would i be mean to laugh at Rosmah's statement? hihi.

3. my iman needs ignition. it's been 2 weeks i haven't given proper usrah. and on that note, i musn't forget my homework as well..

فَوَيْلٌ لِلَّذِينَ يَكْتُبُونَ الْكِتَابَ بِأَيْدِيهِمْ ثُمَّ يَقُولُونَ هَذَا مِنْ عِنْدِ اللَّهِ لِيَشْتَرُوا بِهِ ثَمَنًا قَلِيلًا فَوَيْلٌ لَهُمْ مِمَّا كَتَبَتْ أَيْدِيهِمْ وَوَيْلٌ لَهُمْ مِمَّا يَكْسِبُونَ

(2:79) So woe to their learned people, who write the law with their own hands and then say to the people, "This is from Allah," so that they might gain some paltry worldly end. (They do not see that) this writing of their hands will bring woe to them and what they gain thereby will lead to their ruin.

4. in love with this nasyid. luvit luvit luvit! xx



please pray to Allah, for my long case tomorrow. thanks!

bismillah,

sometimes i wonder. is there more to life than being a medical student? i am again in this phase of feeling trapped. Allah, please shower me with peace and provide me with sabr.

bismillah,

إِنَّ اللَّهَ اشْتَرَى مِنَ الْمُؤْمِنِينَ أَنْفُسَهُمْ وَأَمْوَالَهُمْ بِأَنَّ لَهُمُ الْجَنَّةَ

9:111 Indeed Allah has bought from the Believers their persons and their possessions in return for the Gardens...

The transaction mentioned in v. 111 is concerning the voluntary surrender of this freedom to Allah's Will. In other words, Allah wills to test man whether he acknowledges the ownership of Allah over his life and property, in spite of that freedom, and considers himself to be their trustee only, or behaves as if he were their owner and so could do whatever he liked with them. (Abul Ala al-Maududi)

Sebagaimana anda menyebut org yg menguasai tanah org lain tanpa hak sbg perampas, maka demikian pula halnya, anda akan disebut perampas bila anda menganggap pemberian Allah sbg milik anda sendiri dan mempergunakannya menurut kemauan anda sendiri atau kemauan org lain, selain Allah. (Syed Qutb, Manhaj Islam)


trying hard to live for Allah, insyaAllah
nmj

salam.

feels like it's been ages since i last blogged. am so knackered doing this rotation. but i saw a lap chole today, on screen and it was the highlight of my day. yep, being the pathetic med student. even a virtual surgery would do.

when i was in primary, we had to ask muallimah's permission whenever we needed to be excused to go to the loo. "muallimah, uridu an azhabu ila dauratul miyah". "na'am" muallimah will say. dauratul miyah = toilet. daurah = toi. ngehe..my tired mind still has some energy left to go down the joking route. the point i'm making is, i think i learnt quite a lot from the latest daurah. (or that is what i think). hm. maybe i do need to read more stuff.

on this special day of Prophet Muhammad's birth day peace be upon him, let us salawat and try our best to become this selfless incredible man Allah has sent down to us as guidance. this man, who even on his death bed was putting others in front of himself, when the last words he spoke were, "ummati, ummati, ummati." and if he was only doing da'wa to for jannah, he was already promised jannah before he passed away. and that would have probably stopped him from continuing da'wa. instead, he didn't stop for that but lived his life's cause for Allah's sake (read: mardhatillah) entwined with deep concern for the betterment of the human race.

AllahummasallialasayyidinaMuhammad.

may we work to become a better ummah, lillah. insyaAllah.

-nmj

bismillah,

due to the stress of staring at the biliary tree, pictures of jaundiced chaps and whatnot, i decided to turn my attention to a supposedly less straining activity. indulging in the fun and wonderful blogosphere.

so. what have i been up to today? saw some colonoscopies, gastroscopies, sigmoidoscopies and photocopies. ha-ha. *okay, i'll stop with the silly jokes. Alhamdulillah, i think today was quite a good day. but i didn't manage to talk to Abah. it's his 50th birthday today. may Allah bless Abah. aside from that, the day's been pretty productive. i even made some mac & cheese for my packed lunch tomorrow. the severe slacker has now transformed into a mild slacker. ngehe.

right, i went through this ayat recently,

وَإِذَا كُنْتَ فِيهِمْ فَأَقَمْتَ لَهُمُ الصَّلَاةَ فَلْتَقُمْ طَائِفَةٌ مِنْهُمْ مَعَكَ وَلْيَأْخُذُوا أَسْلِحَتَهُمْ فَإِذَا سَجَدُوا فَلْيَكُونُوا مِنْ وَرَائِكُمْ وَلْتَأْتِ طَائِفَةٌ أُخْرَى لَمْ يُصَلُّوا فَلْيُصَلُّوا مَعَكَ وَلْيَأْخُذُوا حِذْرَهُمْ وَأَسْلِحَتَهُمْ وَدَّ الَّذِينَ كَفَرُوا لَوْ تَغْفُلُونَ عَنْ أَسْلِحَتِكُمْ وَأَمْتِعَتِكُمْ فَيَمِيلُونَ عَلَيْكُمْ مَيْلَةً وَاحِدَةً وَلَا جُنَاحَ عَلَيْكُمْ إِنْ كَانَ بِكُمْ أَذًى مِنْ مَطَرٍ أَوْ كُنْتُمْ مَرْضَى أَنْ تَضَعُوا أَسْلِحَتَكُمْ وَخُذُوا حِذْرَكُمْ إِنَّ اللَّهَ أَعَدَّ لِلْكَافِرِينَ عَذَابًا مُهِينًا

(4:102) (O Messenger!) If you are among the believers and rise (in the state of war) to lead the Prayer for them, let a party of them stand with you to worship, keeping their arms. When they have performed their prostration, let them go behind you, and let another party who have not prayed, pray with you, remaining on guard and keeping their arms, for the unbelievers love to see you heedless of your arms and your baggage so that they might swoop upon you in a surprise attack. But there shall be no blame upon you if you were to lay aside your arms if you are either troubled by rain or are sick; but remain on guard. Surely Allah has prepared a humiliating chastisement for the unbelievers.

this is solat al-khawf which means performing solat when in fear or danger. so this is how Rasulullah & sahabat were to solat in battles. and it amazes me. one thing, is how closely Rasulullah & sahabah protect they prayers, even under death threats they still perform solat. the second thing, how they perform the solat in congregation. so, there's no reason to miss solat. and, to try solat berjamaaaa-ah.

learning points for me:

1. priorities, priorities, priorities. set your priorities!

2. hamasah syabab. stories about battles always makes me fired up. i remember watching the Lord of the Rings battle scenes feeling all bright eyed. i love them, thing is, i'm not sure if i am able to be tested being in any of these positions. yet(?). but, while we're still young, and cheerful (ha-ha) let's put our heads, hearts and energy for the ummah. people always say, 'siapa lg yg nk buat kerja kalau bukan golongan muda'. and i felt that was a bit cliche. now, my mature self is telling me, that is true and if i don't grab on to the escalator it might just leave me behind. blink-blink-blink. 40 years from now and i look back and think. ah! whatever happened to my strong body and 6 pack abs. and what have i done with all that energy? and then only to realise that it was all a waste of young, bright and cheerful energy drained into enjoying life and watching telly. sobs. sobs.

alright, my mind's content poured out in a few minutes.

"things you can't change, find ways to enjoy it. things that you can change, try your best to be better." -nmj

yes, you may go like this 0_o "what, that is so not a good quote". i forgive you.

-nmj

bismillah,

salam my fellow minions, ;)

Alhamdulillah for all that He allows us to taste and breath and try and fail and try again and again for His sake. to be living under the clouds of Iman and Islam while outside, there is the cold monsoon hurricany like weather. with turmoils happening in several parts of the world. an uprising as some may say. i'm able to sit by the corner with a fully functioning radiator, fluffy pink hearty slippers on, and a satisfied tummy filled with breakfast. Allah. ar-Rahman. ar-Rahim.

if anyone's been noticing my lack of nonsensical entries, it is due to the unimaginably horrifying timetable i have for my medsurg block. i started my new surgery rotation last week. hihi, which in the deepest darkest corners of the four chambers of my heart i truly enjoy. i really do like surgery, i think being a surgeon is as close as to being an artist. but. BUT. BUT an ENT surgeon asked me a question the other day that made me double check myself. 'do you want to have a family?' she asked. i said, 'yeah' (insyaAllah, in my heart) and then she....hmm, ah, thinking about this is taking too much of my brain's processing power..malasla.

ok, yesterday usrah with my 'beloveds'. huhu. very the mushy2..uhibbuhunna lillah insyaAllah. it is plainly obvious i am not the most wise, just and everything nice a naqibah should be, but they still accept me as i am. i hope Allah can forgive my weaknesses and shortcomings. here's a hadith to make your day,

“If Allah would love his servant He would call Archangel Gabriel and tell him “I love this person, therefore love him.” And Jibraeel would love him and call out in the heavens “Allah loves this person, therefore love him.” And the inhabitants of the heavens would love him. Then he would be embraced by the people of this world. But if Allah would abhor his servant, He would call Jibraeel and tell him “I abhor this person, therefore abhor him”. And Jibraeel (AS) would abhor him and call out in the heavens “Allah abhors this person, therefore abhor him.” And the inhabitants of the heavens would abhor him. Then he would be abhorred by the people of this world.” (Muslim)

a quick question, what would bring Allah to love us aside from His other servants?

all the people pleasers out there, have a great relationship with Allah then, you'll find people having a good relationship with you. but again, don't do it for the niat of pleasing people. ;p

let's devote our love to Allah before any human, or any possession! ;)

have a peaceful saturday iA,
-nmj

bismillah.

salam, may Allah grant us peace and blessings insyaAllah.

ayat of the today,

يَا بُنَيَّ إِنَّهَا إِنْ تَكُ مِثْقَالَ حَبَّةٍ مِنْ خَرْدَلٍ فَتَكُنْ فِي صَخْرَةٍ أَوْ فِي السَّمَوَاتِ أَوْ فِي الْأَرْضِ يَأْتِ بِهَا اللَّهُ إِنَّ اللَّهَ لَطِيفٌ خَبِيرٌ 31:16

(Luqman said): “Son, Allah will bring forth* everything even if it be as small as the grain of a mustard seed even though it be hidden inside a rock or (anywhere) in the heavens or earth. Allah is Most Subtle, All-Aware.

so, what have I learnt? biji sawi is mustard seed in English. hehe. this is a picture of the famous mustard seed. ala2 kacang dal ke? honestly, i've never encountered biji sawi in life. hmm,
i wonder why mustard seed was used, aside from its size.

* That is, "Nothing can escape Allah's knowledge and His grasp. A seed in the rock may be hidden for you, but it is known to AIIah. A particle in the heavens may be very distant for you, but for AIIah it is very near. A thing lying in the layers of the earth may be lying in darkness for you but for him it is in full light. Therefore, you cannot do anything good or bad, anywhere or any time, which may remain hidden from AIIah. He is not only aware of it, but when the time for accountability coms, He will place before you a full record of each act of yours. " - Abul a'al al-Maududi's translation

accountability, an emphasis in Islam compared to other religions, particularly Chritianity. a concept that is easy to understand, a good act, will be rewarded with pahala, a bad act will be rewarded with a punishment. Adil isn't it? to take it a step further, if we already know this fact, why are we limiting ourselves in doing good, when we don't know when our time will be up?

just to remind myself, never to feel complacent or satisfied with the amount of amal we're doing. just compare ourselves to Rasulullah and see how far apart we are from him. or even how we're trailing far behind his companions. Munirah said something about some US business companies comparing among themselves for improvement, but their improvement was about the same. and there's this one Japanese company who had a massive improvement because it compared itself to the 100% standard. maybe, that's our way forward?

the world is our oyster. mari beramal insyaAllah.

(i don't normally write long, my subconscious mind might be stalling me from revising)
-nmj

of crazy rants

hi, salaaaaam... Alhamdulillah just finished my exam. as much as i hate viva exams i had to do it. humph. and as much as i know i am not a smartie pants, i still act like one. i am the top-notch slacker. and just barely realising it, throughout 23 years of my life, Allah has helped me a lot through it all. Alhamdulillah again. because the nagging of my seniors and the stress i get from my housemates who are study addicts, i started to work hard (okay, maybe not as hard for anyone's standard) for this exam. after 23 years of living, i just realised it feels good to actually try as best as i could and leave the rest to Allah.

so maybe after this, i should work harder. especially if i still want to be an orthopod/rheumatologist sometime in the future insyaAllah. my new aim for the new 23 year old me. hehe, i'm just rubbing in it aren't i? for those of you who forgot, i just had my birthday, but it was near the exams so i couldn't care less. so now, since i'm free for a bit, i shall start my endeavor on reaping my presents from people nearby. you know who you are...hahaha~ (evil laugh)

p/s: i'm sorry, pardon this entry. this is the best that could come out from a famished crazy person living in the huge, cold, dark house alone waiting for her housemates to come back from their trip. Allah, tunjukkanlah dia jalan yg terang dan lurus. Amin.



a clue on who might this person be.....


Boo!

-nmj

salaaam..

I've been at home today, but Allah, have i learnt and seen loads. or to be exact, READ loads. i spent a whole day reading a story book which is not very smart of me since my exams is in 2 days time. phew? i hated that book, but i kept on reading, i kept on going through every word and flipping through each page. only to have my hopes crushed in the end. its quite ironic when i think about it again, hoping that there would be a happy ending at the end, which was the thing that kept me going, but the same hope again was the reason that got me disturbed when it didn't end the way i'd liked.

and i thought, what are humans without hope? we hope for every single thing in life, we hope to have a job, a family of our own one day, a day to have a good day at the hospital. hope to have friends who would understand us. hope for a great life.

and there, and then is what separates us from the normal people who hope. because our hopes is also accompanied by prayers. and our prayers are not just words or hymns but is our faith, woven with love, hope and fear to Allah. and what strengthens our hope is by knowing that Allah's promise is not just an average promise but a promise from the Most High.

Ibn Taymiyah (May Allah have mercy on him) said “If the kings knew the happiness and pleasure that we feel in our hearts, they would come and try to take it away from us with the tips of their swords.”

-nmj.

Allah.

فَبِأَيِّ آَلَاءِ رَبِّكُمَا تُكَذِّبَانِ

(55:23) Which of the wonders of your Lord’s power will you twain – you men and jinn – then deny?

وَإِذْ تَأَذَّنَ رَبُّكُمْ لَئِنْ شَكَرْتُمْ لَأَزِيدَنَّكُمْ وَلَئِنْ كَفَرْتُمْ إِنَّ عَذَابِي لَشَدِيدٌ

(14:7) And remember also that your Lord forewarned, `If you be grateful I will increase My favours on you, and if you be ungrateful (you should know that) My chastisement is severe indeed'!"

sometimes i forget. how do i be a grateful servant?

homesick. nak nangis. x bes.

granma n caterpillar

makcik kecik n caterpillar

the gang


pembuli kecik

caterpillar yg menangis

caterpillar isap jari

budak nakal yg sempat menyelit

i miss them.

of nociceptors and body chemicals

i'm in pain. physical pain. ouuuu..w..
i don't really know why writing this down would help..just needed an outlet to express the pain. ouuu...w.. can you hear me? huhu

قلب بين يدي قلب و بيد الله كل قلب

عين ترعى عينا، وعين الله ترعى

كلمة طيبة صدقة

تبسمك لأخيك صدقه

كل معروف صدقة

اللهم اشف شفاءً لا يغادر سقماً

A soul/ heart in the hands of other souls/ hearts,
And all the hearts are in God's Hands.
Eyes looking after(nurturing) other Eyes, and God's eyes look after( and nurture) us all.
A kind word is a charity.
A smile for your brother is charity.
All good works are charity.
Oh God heal us in manner which leaves no sickness behind

Amin..

^_^ -nmj

of a dream dialogue

bismillah

i think i've been slacking off a lot lately. okay, i should scratch the THINK. and i'm saying this not with any hint of proudness at all but mainly disapointment. looking back at the times when i could have done more useful things. Allahummaghfirli and forgive me for Your time that i've wasted.

i think the slacking off goes in terms of my study, of my personal development, of my mutabaah amal. Syed Qutb wrote in tafsir al-Asr, what is iman? while we may have a lot of linguistic definitions for iman, it is actually the relationship with Allah. having a poor relationship with Allah consequently results in low iman.

i would want to say and give excuses for the times i've been playing around that i was not in the right mental state, that i was being tested and i could not handle it especially in this cold with no sun where being close to becoming a hyperchondriac i seriously believe i have SAD syndrome. but i'm thinking again in the future, on the day of judgement when all creations will bow down to Allah, will i be able to say, "Allah, i went through mountains of ice and swam through oceans of fire for You. will You be happy with my offerings and accept me as one of Your obedient slaves?" (pardon me for my random metaphors) i truly, madly, deeply would want to say this.

Allahumma, please forgive this rambling slave that loves to write loads but rarely acts on it, that always wastes Your time, and procrastinates Her work. (especially her ssc) but is slowly finding her reason to live and becoming a muslimah. Allah, guide me and provide me strength ya Allah. (oh, and for my kakak usrah too..and all the muslim/ahs in this world too. insyaAllah)

"kerana seharusnya mempunyai visi dan misi yg jelas itu mampu utk melonjakkan amal dan menetapkan kaki utk terus istiqamah."

insyaAllah.

Allah.

am I failing Allah's test of obedience?

please nooooo~ I want to succeed Allah.

of life on earth

Imam Hasan al-Banna pernah ditanya, "Kenapa Anda tidak menyusun buku?" Beliau menjawab, "Tugas saya bukanlah untuk menyusun buku , karena buku biasa-biasanya akan diletakkan di perpustakaan dan sedikit sekali org yg mau membacanya. lain halnya dgn seorg muslim, ia adalah 'buku yg senantiasa terbuka' ke mana pun ia berjalan, itu adalah dakwah."

****

وَمَا أَرْسَلْنَا قَبْلَكَ مِنَ الْمُرْسَلِينَ إِلَّا إِنَّهُمْ لَيَأْكُلُونَ الطَّعَامَ وَيَمْشُونَ فِي الْأَسْوَاقِ وَجَعَلْنَا بَعْضَكُمْ لِبَعْضٍ فِتْنَةً أَتَصْبِرُونَ وَكَانَ رَبُّكَ بَصِيرًا

(25:20) O Muhammad, all the Messengers whom We sent before you also ate food and moved about in the streets. In fact, We have made you all a means of test for one another. Will you show patience? for your Lord sees everything.

bismillah.

i hope Allah will get me through this. i love them people Allah, tq Allah. in times of despair, good company (bi'ah solehah) is the remedy. ;)

dear self, be a good muslimah to help your self and others insyaAllah.

can you get out of the way please? pretty pretty pleaaaaase..

snippets of the big day (27/12/10)






and the new chapter begins..a more exciting and fruitful chapter insyaAllah..

bismillah.

bismillah

Allah.
I think it might be time for me to grow up.

إِنَّ اللَّهَ لَا يُغَيِّرُ مَا بِقَوْمٍ حَتَّى يُغَيِّرُوا مَا بِأَنْفُسِهِمْ...

"....Allah does not change a people's lot unless they themselves change their own characteristics.."
(13:11)

Allahumma, let me do it solely for You.
biiznillah.

(post PMS'10 - the best PMS ever)

of winter warmers..

two words: melayan perasaan.
gediknyeeeeer!

yes, blame it all on the warm winter clothes, extra pairs of socks, thick hoodies and granpa PJ's. ah. snuggled up in heavy garments is making me lazzyyyy!
finished reading the twenties girl. a feel good bimbo book. so now, i should do my work.

i went to get myself some wellies yesterday. i wasn't confident that i could walk safely on the icy pavements with my non-equipped for snow shoes. i might seem like a hypercondriac at the time but i do have a reason. i slipped down the stairs in my house the other day, and injured my back muscles. okay, so some people would just call it a bruise. *thump* and another thump. and i hit the ground. i rolled over and laid flat on my back until the pain subsided. yes, my housemate was the witness. and she was laughing all the way. like, seriously it was like someone had just given her an extra high dose of entonox. i'm sure it was quite comical but seriously, after learning MDEMO, bones are one thing you don't wana mess about. sure you can rejoin it, but the risk of OA in the bone after a fracture will surely increase. but then, 'im sure it's nothing. insyaAllah.

i'm just faffing around because i don't wana do my work....
....
....
...
but i know i should better get a start on the reading for PMS.
make doa everything will be alright insyaAllah.

Allah, help me from becoming a lazy bum.

viva night. Palestine. 4.12.10






Allahumma, peliharalah al-Aqsa daripada ancaman kejam zionis. daripada manusia-manusia yg tak berhati perut yg membunuh tanpa belas kasihan.

satukanlah hati-hati kami, persiapkanlah diri kami serta kuatakanlah iman kami agar dpt syahid keranaMu.
insyaAllah.


p/s: kerana pada dasarnya, adalah isu iman, bukan hanya isu kemanusiaan.

of smelly sox and a duvet monster

sometimes, i forget, that love is always there although you don't see it as often. just as Allah is always there. guiding you through. we just have to make the small steps. all the best!

xx,
nad mj

of deliberation

when the key of acceptance comes down to intention.
lillahita'ala.

مَثَلُ الَّذِينَ كَفَرُوا بِرَبِّهِمْ أَعْمَالُهُمْ كَرَمَادٍ اشْتَدَّتْ بِهِ الرِّيحُ فِي يَوْمٍ عَاصِفٍ لَا يَقْدِرُونَ مِمَّا كَسَبُوا عَلَى شَيْءٍ ذَلِكَ هُوَ الضَّلَالُ الْبَعِيدُ

(14:18) The works of those who disbelieved may be likened, to the ashes which the wind scatters on a stormy day. They shall not be able to gain anything from what they did. This is the extreme deviation.

وَالَّذِينَ كَفَرُوا أَعْمَالُهُمْ كَسَرَابٍ بِقِيعَةٍ يَحْسَبُهُ الظَّمْآَنُ مَاءً حَتَّى إِذَا جَاءَهُ لَمْ يَجِدْهُ شَيْئًا وَوَجَدَ اللَّهَ عِنْدَهُ فَوَفَّاهُ حِسَابَهُ وَاللَّهُ سَرِيعُ الْحِسَابِ

(24:39) (On the other hand,) the deeds of those who disbelieved, maybe likened to a mirage in a waterless desert, which the thirsty one took for water; but when he reached there he found nothing to drink; nay, he found there Allah Who settled his full account, and Allah is very swift at reckoning.

Allah.
Allah. Allah.
may it become something than a nothing.

when i feel so useless..

i can only pray that Allah helps you through.
the facade. the green mask you put on. is not so green in the end.
the colourless paint splashes out from the bucket.

it is never fair. life is never fair. but never is it a fairytale.

i hope it will turn out well. a typical consoling statement.

all the torments and trials you face, may Allah reward it greater.
i seek Allah to give you courage, to give you strength, to give you the ability to see the beauty in the ugly. and keep you strong. to face the crowd when the cheering ends.

i pray your love will be renewed. with a stronger love, from a creation to the creator. and from The creator to His creation. because you held on to Him. His love, more than a thousand couples put together. and an ending with a happily ever after. in Jannah, one day, insyaAllah.

xx,
nad mj

of subliminal feelings

tafahhum. snap your fingers and behold. its not as easy.
only 3 years it took me. and still counting.
may it be a step forward for us, to keep on this path, never failing to remind one another. with truth and patience.

وَالْعَصْرِ

إِنَّ الْإِنْسَانَ لَفِي خُسْرٍ

إِلَّا الَّذِينَ آَمَنُوا وَعَمِلُوا الصَّالِحَاتِ وَتَوَاصَوْا بِالْحَقِّ وَتَوَاصَوْا بِالصَّبْ

insyaAllah.

my love note, xx
nad mj

haruskah membesar? haruskah? haruskah?
okay, retorical question.

salam. :) :) :)

The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said: “Charity is prescribed for each descendant of Adam every day the sun rises.” He was then asked: “From what do we give charity every day?” The Prophet answered: “The doors of goodness are many…enjoining good, forbidding evil, removing harm from the road, listening to the deaf, leading the blind, guiding one to the object of his need, hurrying with the strength of one’s legs to one in sorrow who is asking for help, and supporting the feeble with the strength of one’s arms–all of these are charity prescribed for you.” He also said: “Your smile for your brother is charity.” - Fiqh-us-Sunnah, Volume 3, Number 98

and also,

Daripada Abu Hurairah r.a., katanya: “Rasulullah s.a.w. bersabda: ‘Tidak akan masuk syurga kamu semua sehingga kamu beriman dan tidak akan dinamakan beriman kamu semua sehingga kamu semua saling cinta-mencintai. Tidakkah kamu semua suka jika ku tunjukkan kepadamu semua sesuatu yang jikalau kamu semua lakukan tentu kamu akan saling cinta-mencintai? Iaitu sebarkanlah salam sesama mu’.” (Hadith Riwayat Muslim)

since i am in my A&E week, i usually feel a bit upset when people (read: doctors) don't smile at me when they see me. i don't blame them though, i know their super busy and i'm just a speck on the wall.(yes, this is slightly exaggerating) so as a response, i wouldn't smile at them either. which then makes me feel bad because i wanted to smile but them not smiling at me just makes me not wanting to smile back. ok, so the hadith is supposed to remind me to just smile..cos it's a sunnah..;)

other things i've learned today:

1. don't be a fatalistic Muslim. be pleased with what Allah has willed and what is due to come..but, in the meantime, hard work is required.
2. i need to cultivate my relationship with Allah.
3. sacrifice is part of our submission to Allah.

yours truly,
nad

geared up

as part of my unwinding therapy i will now write about what i've been doing today. i just got back from A&E. Alhamdulillah, i managed to spend about 7 hours there. and if you get the vibe, i am quite proud of this achievement. the 1st time i went in the department, i just poked my head in, saw that no one took notice of me, lingered for 10 minutes and went straight out again. i hate it when there's no one assigned to teach and you're just left running around like a little puppy wiggling its tail and trying to get attention from its master. but i guess no one does. so yeah, today was good, i'm finally getting used to going to different doctors asking if i can tag along with them. hmm..A&E..probably not for me. i mean it's interesting once you do get to see a patient. but, trying to juggle 4 patients at one time is just to much for my brain, especially if the patients are ranging from an asthmatic 5 year old to a 75 year old man with alcoholic withdrawal and a GCS of 3. i know females are known for multitasking, but i might not be the friendliest under this much stress. so A&E..not. :)

just the fact that i've been writing rubbish recently, i might try to write something worthwhile for now.

i was reading the Qur'an this morning, and i read through my favourite ayat:

وَلَا تَمُدَّنَّ عَيْنَيْكَ إِلَى مَا مَتَّعْنَا بِهِ أَزْوَاجًا مِنْهُمْ زَهْرَةَ الْحَيَاةِ الدُّنْيَا لِنَفْتِنَهُمْ فِيهِ وَرِزْقُ رَبِّكَ خَيْرٌ وَأَبْقَى

(20:131) And do not cast an envious look at the worldly property We have bestowed on different kinds of people, for We have given them all that to put them to trial, and the lawful provision of your Lord is better and more lasting.

***

i think it is soothing knowing that everyone has their own provision's determined by Allah. be it good or bad. and with the provisions given there is always responsibilities involved.

Allah. i'm tired. i hope today is not sia-sia. amin.

p/s: new phrases: chuffed to bits, bogged down, bog standard, barn-door case.

Hadith Qudsi 35:

On the authority of Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him), who said that the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said:

Our Lord (glorified and exalted be He) descends each night to the earth's sky when there remains the final third of the night, and He says: Who is saying a prayer to Me that I may answer it? Who is asking something of Me that I may give it him? Who is asking forgiveness of Me that I may forgive him?

It was related by al-Bukhari (also by Muslim, Malik, at-Tirmidhi and Abu Dawud).

In a version by Muslim the Hadith ends with the words:

And thus He continues till [the light of] dawn shines.