a reminder to myself

bismillah..
today I cried..I cried reading the article about as-syahid A. Ammar..a little biography written about him by his coursemate..
even though I don't know him..I feel connected to him
it's amazing how someone this distant,who is unknown to me throughout my life and only reading about him in less than 5 minutes can cause this much emotion..

i'm crying because i sincerely believe that he is one of the people who is close to You, and loves You, whom You love and who is loved be the people around him which I may not be able to achieve

i'm crying because i'm scared that my death would not be one that pleases Him..

i'm crying because i'm amazed that at such a young age he is really wise and matured..having a vision and a mission that is to revive Islam and benefit the Ummah

i'm crying because at the age of 20 years old he is able to give a great tazkirah to the whole world and touch so many lives.

i'm crying because i hope that my parents will be as calm and as forgiving and redha as his parents are to let their daughter return to her creator

i'm crying because i'm sad that while there are bigger and more crucial things in life, I am still worrying about petty things that are important to me and still being selfish

i'm crying because I feel ashamed of all the indecent and irresponsible things i'm doing with the time that has been given when it can end anytime

i'm crying because recently there has been many reminders about death in my family, people close to me and others but somehow i feel my heart is closed because i am not taking any lessons from them

i'm crying because i'm afraid that i'm straying away from the true reason of being a created by Allah, that is to live every day for His cause, to strive for Him and hopefully to die for Him.

i'm crying because honestly..i am still afraid of death..

so i pray yaAllah..please give me the strength in bettering my Iman and help keep me in Your blessings

i pray yaAllah please give me the patience and strength in being a daughter who is taat to her parents..and able to help them without having any ill feelings

i pray yaAllah that You remind me of my true reason and responsibilities as a Muslim and as your creation

i pray yaAllah that You provide me physical, mental and emotional strength to perform ibadah to You as best as possible in all aspects of life

i pray yaAllah that you accept my amal and prepare me for a good death and instill courage in me so that I am less afraid of it

i pray yaAllah that my tears are not merely tears and that it will be a reminder for me to refresh my niat lillahi ta'ala so that if we were to die at any point it would be a good death

i pray yaAllah that if I do have daughters and sons that they will be soleh/mujahid and solehah/mujahidah and will follow the good traits of asy-Syahid

i pray yaAllah that You make us of the people who will benefit the Ummah and who will not bring any fitnah to Islam

i pray yaAllah that You give us what is best dunia and akhirah and remind us whenever we are getting attached to worldly pleasures..

and truly innalillahi wa innailaihi rajiun
please grant us this doa yaAllah..

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