of a bigger picture

hehe.
okay, i'm a bit irresponsible. mybe a lot.

i know there's the 'hehe'. not that i'm proud of it.

i just think i'll be too bummed out to punish myself because of this. a more positive approach would be to move toward a less irresponsible me. ^^

***
dear self,
please be more disciplined. there's so much more to do out there. i know you are feeling trapped inside this state with mundane stuff to do.

but before you seek adventure you need to make sure you are good to go. one hurdle to conquer at a time my dear.

a potential working space in the future? yes, this my room where I act as a GP and consult real patients. that's my book, my cup of coffe and a slice of apricot cake which a kind patient baked.

felt so tempted to nick a few leaflets..

weird but true, 

nad

opps..

I just googled the distance to lake district for PMS tomorrow.  surprise surprise, huhuh, apparently its 4 hours drive.  which actually means 5 to 6 hours in total since it includes some stops at services for a taste of Costa coffee and loo breaks. waa. nangis, br tau. 

i don't really mind i think, it's just that i need to be on duty straight after, and knowing the not-so-strong me, i might be in for a very heavyweight work load.  I am one of AJK masakan PMS and I do need to start duty right on the spot. 

myb i should do a bit of Jillian exercise today just to toughen things up. ;D and by things, i do mean myself. just pointing out the obvious ;p blerrrgh. merepeks saje. sudah terlambat. esok mau gerak.

of hope

Depression

As much as I hate to succumb to failure, or being depressed at the very least, I find that I am currently in a state of low mood.  I don't think I have failed, but I couldn't quite get through the feeling of depression.  It might be that I just feel a bit lonely and home sick at the moment. Terrible terrible feeling, oh dear. 

Oh Allah, I know You hear me and are close by, please find me a motivation. and I will try my best insyaAllah. :)

of a break.

"there's always something to talk about."
Encik McLellan, kamu ini sgt baik, dan bijak, dan sgt lucu. hihi ^^
saya rasa kamu GP yg paling cool di situ dan cikgu yang paling banyak ajar sy, contohnya centor criteria, jenis-jenis knee bursitis, treatment of gout, primary prevention of cardiovascular disease, importance of ordering tests if it changes management, best practice in nursing home, paronychia, ingtkan saya phalen's and tinnel's test, difference of nursing and residential home. 

terima kasih.

my note kepada cikgu,
Nahdiya

of an energiser

bismillah,

yesterday was daurah in Cardiff, it was lovely and energizing.

what did I learn?
> better to beramal while we still can. I like the reminder Abg Azim gave at the end..

The Prophet (pbuh) said:
“Take benefit of five before five:
your youth before your old age,
your health before your sickness,
your wealth before your poverty,
your free-time before your preoccupation,
and your life before your death.”

stressing particularly on the first one. Youth. We are young. and while we are still given these priviledges of this age let's take advantage of it..no, no..not by wasting it on booze or partying, but exhausting it for good and benefit of mankind.

while we were in Darul Isra' I found this on the notice board.

It's interesting to see kesyumulan Islam. Talking about dementia in masjid :)

> I also like the point when we were discussing, Kak Hanim pointed out most of us have reservations to 'commit' to tarbiyyah is because the rewards are intangible and unseen. (i.e: pahala & change) and the rewards can only be felt by people who have joined tarbiyyah, so basically, one can only experience it if they go through it.

> Dakwah and a Muslim are inseparable.  Just like a pen and the cap. and our dakwah is dakwah hati..refer to Abasy As-sisii book
(ok, don't think i'll explain this more due to time constraint)

> Creativity as a Da'i

> erm, and I've also started GP which is an hour's drive.  I have to compete with tractors and horses on the road. On a sunny day, it can be really worthwhile.  On a late morning (which has been the case for several mornings due to a dysfunctioning hp alarm clock), the beauty just suddenly disappears.  And the feeling of just running over them creeps up. But of course, I won't be able to do that.

after 30 mins drive through this, we will later reach my GP surgery in Calne. Yes, health services also reaches farmers :)

my random updates,

nad

Tis the season

first time in 4 years I went to Bath Christmas Market. and it was Hani's 23rd birthday today. May Allah bless her.  I bought her something I would love myself.  as a borderline shopaholic, it is one of my interventions to teach myself and to treat my condition. lols (p/s: missing in picture Mus, Jiayin, Charuni, Natasa).

Podium parking lot, B2, Bath

a cheesy treat. Cheese & Cranbery. yums!

****

What have I learned today?

1) Something about myself, I love people but I'm not so good when buying gifts and organising stuff. maybe something I could work on.
2) I should think more about others and always be kind.
3) On a more general note, worry about things you can change and don't worry about things that are done. :)

Less than three,
nad

of 500,000 times more.

bismillah, 

yesterday -> Gaza: through our eyes by Dr. Zin Kandar. Venur: St. Michael's on the Mount

Alhamdulillah the turn out was overwhelming, people came from Portsmouth, Cardiff and of course the very far Bristol.  i think it was probably around ~150 people plus kids.

What were the learning points I gained?

> from the title itself, it's a retorical question on what perspectives are we using to view these issues : humanitarian, iman, ethical, or so on. 

> medan utk beramal bermacam-macam dan sgt besar. if we are not prepared to physically protect Palestine, the least is with funds and doa. From the funds insyaAllah many sectors can be developed (e.g bread factory, education - hufaz, lessons in mosques etc, dairy production to make cheese etc) it's like a modified saying,

"give a man a fish and you'll feed him for a day, give a man a fishing rod and you'll feed him a lifetime"

> examples of Muslim who are walking the walk, and not just talking the talk are those who live in Palestine.  seeing from the how the Government works to the public's attitude, they are those who have a heart-close relationship to Qur'an and lives Islam fully.  one note to think about, even in the worst of conditions, we don't hear about any social issues happening in their society.  Inner peace. And it is not surprising that it relates back to dakwah & tarbiyah.

> It's true that Palestinians have a lot to teach us on how to live.  

I think where I sat is an invasion of this man's social skin. 

yours truly,
nmj

a bit of catching up

Bismillah, 

Love can conquer all. and I might be a very strong believer of it. I am learning, how to become a Muslim or a person at the very least. And I think I haven't really lived as a human being. The best of creation as Allah puts it in His book, and do I actually believe it?

The once cheesy phrase which I used to think, "Tak kenal maka tak cinta", is making more sense now.  

This little girl, whom I really love and care about, and I hope its because the truth that she seeks. 

I pray that we will both find it insyaAllah.  

And the time, time that Allah has entrusted us upon, I pray I'll be able to use it more wisely.  oh Allah.

****

2 things I am training myself to do:

1) Live life to please Allah, then you'll find, you'll also please people around you.

2) Be aware of Allah's present and believe in Him, as you are aware of the wind.  "You can't see it, but you can feel it close and you know with absolute certainty it exists".

My warmish chilly room in Royal United Hospital, Bath

-my weekly rambling, 

Nahdiya Jan

type.type.type. and click.

and this came out. MashaAllah one's ability to write by Allah is very very breathtaking. makes me feel fuzzy inside.

by Ibn Qayyim al-Jawziyyah
As people are content with the world, so you should be content with Allah. As they are delighted by the world, so you should be delighted with Allah. As they are intimate with their loved ones, so you should seek intimacy with Allah. As they desire to know their kings and their leaders, and to draw near to them in order for honour and status to be conferred on them, so you should come to know Allah and seek His love: this will lead to the utmost honour and distinction.
Said one of the ascetics (zuhhåd): “I can never imagine that someone could hear about Paradise and Hellfire and can still waste an hour without performing any act of obedience to Allah; neither remembrance, prayer, reciting Qur’an nor an act of charity or kindness.” Someone said to him: I weep profusely. He replied: “That you laugh while confessing your sin is better than weeping yet being puffed-up with pride because of your deeds. For the deeds of a conceited person will never rise above his head.” The person then requested: Please counsel me. So the ascetic replied:
“Leave the world to those who hanker after it, as they leave the Afterlife to its seekers. And be in this world as the bee: it eats only good, produces only good, and when it rests upon anything it neither ruins it nor deflowers it.”
FOOTNOTES
* Al-Fawa’id (Riyadh: Maktabah al-Rushd, 2001), 187; trans. Surkheel Sharif.

copy pasted from Muslimmatters.org

For the love of Allah

bismillah.

yesterday my friends and I went to Excel, London to join the Twins of Faith conference. Alhamdulillah for allowing us the chance and masyaAllah it was spectacular. a whole list of talented and wise speakers, poets and artists. I guess the most important thing I gained was the uplifting feeling of racing towards a better ummah by seeing how many masses of people coming to the conference which I believe would be to learn more about Allah's blessed Deen and to become a better Muslim and seeing the organiser's effort to hold such an event for the benefit of the ummah and for Allah's love is just a boost of spirit for dakwah work.  

our entrance wrist band

Based on our dear brother's talk, ustadh Nouman Ali Khan titled 'The best of man', what's important is that we start from being a better individual and building up our fundamentals as we go along.  

The programme book

hihi, I think it really is amazing how Allah works His magic.  I only just remembered after the conference that I once said to Zed a couple of years ago how 'envious' I was that she had the chance to listen to the brother's talk in US. I was goofing around saying I think how I might come to US just to see the brother.  Lo and behold what Allah has in store. and I do pray that my intentions were right.

Our brother

Which is another point from the brother's talk which was to make 'niat' or intention of what we want in life even we haven't got a clue yet how we are going to achieve it.  For instance, he gave an example of learning Arabic to understand Allah's text better.  Although we may not be able to find a teacher at the moment or have time yet or etc, but insyaAllah if we make the intention now just watch how Allah will open up the doors to allow us achieve our goals. I think it was based on his own life experience. 

 and Alhamdulillah, I think this experience to me has been a very sweet journey, personally and spiritually.

hehe

as part of my diary, 

nad

destressing

bismillah, 

one thing i like about medicine is how it organizes the way one thinks.  ok, so this may not be such a huge thing for someone who already has things sorted out in their heads. someone who was born with the ability to classify and group things since day 1 of being a neonate unlike me who at times feels that her neurones are suddenly too short of reaching the next neurone that the information suddenly gets lost in the tangled mess and stored in somewhere even she can't locate. 

okay then, i think this just too much vanity at the moment.  my point was............oh right, yes, my point is that somehow medicine with all it's tutorials and clinics and skills and theatres and shadowing this person and shadowing that person and in the midst of all this chaos just makes one's mind goes bonkers.  but alas, as is stated in the Qur'an how Allah loves people who work in saffs and how one can achieve greatness through being systematic.  which is ironically the key of approaching a patient in whatever situation he/she is under.

Another fact in the Qur'an practiced in the real life of a medical student.  

I'm sorry again if this is totally useless. And if you are still reading this, I just burnt my pizza, it says 10 minutes in the oven. I just passed 12 minutes and it's almost black. Never trust the power of a burning flame 0_o

-nmj

of a love story

Allah. please make me strong insyaAllah. 

tomorrow marks the day of 10 Zulhijjah a.k.a eidul adha. Why is it a blessed day?

فَبَشَّرْنَاهُ بِغُلَامٍ حَلِيمٍ 

(37:101) (In response to this prayer) We gave him the good news of a prudent boy

فَلَمَّا بَلَغَ مَعَهُ السَّعْيَ قَالَ يَا بُنَيَّ إِنِّي أَرَى فِي الْمَنَامِ أَنِّي أَذْبَحُكَ فَانْظُرْ مَاذَا تَرَى قَالَ يَا أَبَتِ افْعَلْ مَا تُؤْمَرُ سَتَجِدُنِي إِنْ شَاءَ اللَّهُ مِنَ الصَّابِرِينَ 

(37:102) and when he was old enough to go about and work with him, (one day) Abraham said to him: “My son, I see in my dream that I am slaughtering you. So consider (and tell me) what you think.” He said: “Do as you are bidden. You will find me, if Allah so wills, among the steadfast.”

The object of asking this of the son was not that he would carry out Allah's Command only if he agreed, otherwise not, but the Prophet Abraham, in fact, wanted to find out how righteous, in actual reality, was his child for whom he had prayed to Allah. If the son himself was found to be ready to lay down his life for the sake of Allah's approval and pleasure, it would mean that the prayer had been fully granted, and the son was not his offspring in the natural way only but was morally aad spiritually also a true son.

The words clearly tell that the son had not taken the dream of his Prophet father to be a mere dream but a Command from Allah. Had it not been a Command actually, it was necessary that Allah should have explicitly or implicitly stated that the son of Abraham had mistaken it for a command. But the whole context is without any such allusion. On this very basis, there is the Islamic belief that the dream of the Prophets is never a mere dream it is also a kind of Revelation. Obviously, if a thing, which could become such a fundamental principle in the Divine Shari'ah, had not been based on reality, but had been a mere misunderstanding, it was not possible that Allah should not have refuted it. It is impossible for the one who believes the Qur'an to be Allah's Word, to accept That such an error and omission could emanate from Allah also.

فَلَمَّا أَسْلَمَا وَتَلَّهُ لِلْجَبِينِ 

(37:103) When both surrendered (to Allah’s command) and Abraham flung the son down on his forehead, *61

 

*61 That is, "The Prophet Abraham did not make his son lit flat on his back but made him lie prostrate lest while slaughtering him the sight of his face should arouse compassion and lout and make him shaky. Therefore, he wanted to use the knife from under the throat" .

وَنَادَيْنَاهُ أَنْ يَا إِبْرَاهِيمُ 

(37:104) We cried out: *62 “O Abraham,

قَدْ صَدَّقْتَ الرُّؤْيَا إِنَّا كَذَلِكَ نَجْزِي الْمُحْسِنِينَ 

(37:105) you have indeed fulfilled your dream. *63 Thus do We reward the good-doers.” *64

 

*63 That is, "We did not make you see in the dream that you had actually slaughtered your son and he had died, but that you were slaughtering him. That Vision you have fulfilled. Now, it is not Our will w take the life of your child: the actual object of the vision has been fulfilled by your submission and preparation to sacrifice him for Our sake."

*64 That is, "We do not subject the people who adopt the righteous way to trials in order to involve them in trouble and distress and affliction just for the sake of it, but these trials are meant to bring out their excellencies and to exalt them to high ranks, and then We deliver them also safe and sound from the dilemma in which We place them for the sake of the trial. Thus, your willingness and preparation to sacrifice yow son is enough to entitle you to be exalted to the rank that could be attained only by the one who would actually have slaughtered his son for Our approval and pleasure. Thus, We have saved the life of yow child as well as exalted you to this high rank. "

إِنَّ هَذَا لَهُوَ الْبَلَاءُ الْمُبِينُ 

(37:106) This was indeed a plain trial. *65

 

*65 That is, "The object was not to get yow son slaughtered through you but to test you to see that you did not hold anything of the world dearer than Us.

وَفَدَيْنَاهُ بِذِبْحٍ عَظِيمٍ 

(37:107) And We ransomed him with a mighty sacrifice, *66

 

*66 "A great sacrifice" : A ram, as mentioned in the Bible and the Islamic traditions, that Allah's angel presented at the time before the Prophet Abraham, so that he should sacrifice it instead of his son. This has been called "a great sacrifice" because it was to serve as a ransom from a faithful servant like Abraham for a patient and obedient son like Ishmael, and Allah made it a means of fulfilling the intention of an unprecedented sacrifice. Another reason for calling it "a great" sacrifice is that AIlah made it a tradition till the Day of Resurrection that all the believers should offer animal sacrifice on the same date in the entire world so as to keep fresh the memory of the great and unique event signifying faithfulness and devotion."

وَتَرَكْنَا عَلَيْهِ فِي الْآَخِرِينَ 

(37:108) and We preserved for him a good name among posterity.

سَلَامٌ عَلَى إِبْرَاهِيمَ 

(37:109) Peace be upon Abraham.

translation from abul A'la Maududi. i think i might hv found something that i can sacrifice for the sake of Allah tomorrow. how bout you?

p/s: missing family mode..

copy paster, 

nmj

sedikit selingan

Bismillah. 

Baru submit SSC slides untuk presentantion yang saya taklah berapa suka. Tapi bukankah besar maknanya membuat sesuatu yg kita tak suka jika niatnya kerana Allah ta'ala? Bukankah Allah mahu melihat usaha kita berbanding dengan nilai akhirnya? Tidakkah harta yang kita sedang kumpul itu bukannya kemegahan atau kesenangan dunia? Maka, mengapa cik adik gundah gelana?*chewah blush blush. falfasah skeyyt..walaupun ku tahu bahasa ibundaku agak memalukan standardnya ;p*

Baiklah. inginku bercerita. seorg insan sedang merawat hatinya yang sedikit terluka. bukanlah kerana perbuatan manusia. cuma, kadang-kadang terkesima dengan situasi yang menimpa  hehe, Alhamdulillah setiap kesusahan itu pasti diikuti dengan kemudahan. Janji Allah itu pasti. Maka Allah sentiasa bersama, janganlah bersedih kerana perkara-perkara yang kecil dan rapuh ini. Mungkin Allah tetapkan yang demikian itu kerana Dia lebih tahu dan mahukan yang terbaik untukmu. 

Okaylah, baik saya berhenti di sini sebelum memalukan diri lebih lanjut.

Salam perantau dari Bumi Allah,

nmj

of a kid loving comrade

N&N

"sebab jalan kita sama kan..hehe" thanks! :) 

just missing Amal in the picture. prefects 3i on duty block patrol during recess :p

-nmj

of a silent laughter

Was in scrubs, just finished surgery. Thought it wasn't a very nice morning, just because theatre was a bit crowded with 2 STs, 1 aneas med student, 1 consultant, me and not to mention 2 anaesthetists and  assistant nurses. To top it all off, the consultant was not really the 'teacher type'. He's nice no doubt, i just had to do a lot of asking, which is a bit of my downside -_-;

Anyway, i was quite relieved i managed to get through the morning without stepping on anyone's toes. as i was walking past the double doors to exit theatre unit, i looked to my left and saw a room.  On the front it wrote:        

'Dr Farthing'.

Hehe. That was my day all better again. Alhamdulillah.

-nmj ;p

of a moment to remember.

cinta.

yg sebenar kpd Allah & Rasulullah. ^.^

nad, farihin & yaya somewhere near Keynsham?

cinta. kepada keluarga. cinta kepada kawan-kawan. 

mereka. anugerah drp Allah. Alhamdulillah <3

p/s: winners of the bowling tournament?
(of course,only in our own heads ;p)

-nmj

of fleeting thoughts

sitting in this dull room, one's mind just can't help but wonder somewhere else..

was reading Syeikhuna al-Banna's view on economy and politics and suddenly seems that my horizons are a bit too narrow to begin with..

and suddenly in need of an escapism which i love. JOM travel.  problem is..where? and when? i know this is not the cure to what is happening in the world right now, but it can't hurt can it?

 

Alhamdulillah, had an enjoyable day out with the community midwife. myb that's why i need to escape the clutches of the hospital ground and all things associated with it. 

sry, if i have been boring u too death with my petty thoughts, just needed an outlet to let all this madness run loose. ;) oh yeah, and remind me to call mama soon, last week she ws away for some seminar.

yours truly,
nmj

of two people

it's been a while since we talked, 

it's been a while since we spent hours shopping, 

it's been a while since we had a private tete-a-tete in the car, 

while satisfying our craving for burger jampi at night.  

i miss you. 

i don't know where you get your composed, calm self. 

sometimes i think its from abah. but at times i feel u are more like mama.

or maybe because you are a female? i don't know. but it helped. 

and i'm happy for your wonderful family. 

because they are a part of me as well. 

i pray everything will turn out well. insyaAllah, have faith in Allah and keep praying that He will guide you and give what's best. 

please don't get freaked out by this. :p hehe.

i do still love you, cos you're my only older sister :)

of a gloomy October weather

it wouldn't be valued if it wasn't difficult to get. -moi

yesterday i made a routine house call.  mama was telling me that a friend at her office has started a new business, selling cheap overseas stuff at local prices.  She was describing passionately the type of stuff her friend was selling, 'Baju-baju yg mcm awk pakai dulu, bukan yg skrg ni, yg macam dulu-dulu..yg mcm yanky yanky...' without any prejudice or judgement, she went on to the end of the story and how the business can bring some extra cash.  haha in my heart, i knew exactly what she means. coz i still have the clothes in my closet, i just don't wear them now, or (maybe not that often ;p).  Since mama is never the mom that forces things on us, she was never really pleased during my 'yanky yanky' days but she never would force the change.  so when i heard what she said i was laughing inside because of a passing image of just how unpleasant i was but she was just patient. Allah. how our hearts can be easily turned around by You. 

also a Hadith from at-Tobarani which is a Hadith Gharib from Anas, 

Allah Azzawajalla berfirman: "Sesungguhnya ada di kalangan hamba-Ku tidak akan menjadi elok imannya kecuali oleh kemiskinan.  skeiranya Aku limpah ruahkan rezeki kepadanya, dia akan rosak.  sementara ada pula kalangan hamba-Ku tidak akan menjadi elok imannya melainkan oleh kekayaan.  Jika Aku menimpakan kemiskinan kepadany, dia kan rosak.  Ada kalangan hamba-Ku tidak akan menjadi elok imannya kecuali dia sihat.  Jika aku menimpakan penyakit kepadanya, dia akan rosak.  Ada juga kalangan hamba-Ku yang tidak akan menjadi elok imannya melainkan dia sakit.  Jika Aku menjadikan dia sihat, dia akan rosak.  Sesungguhnya ada kalangan hamba-Ku yang berusaha untuk beribadat, namun Aku menhannya agar hatinya tidak diresapi perasaan ujub.  Sesungguhnya Aku mengurus hamba-hambaKu berdasarkan pengetahuan-Ku apa yang terkandung dalam hati mereka.  Sesungguhnya Aku Maha Mengetahui lagi Amat Mendalam Pengetahuan.  (Syarah 50 Hadith, Ibn Rajab)

It really is calming..that Allah knows us inside out.  Maka bersangka baiklah dengan Allah, that Allah wants the best for us in times of ease or difficulty insyaAllah. 

courtesy of yaya

missing home mode in the gloomy whether, uhuks :)

nmj

for future reference

sitting in clinics, most of the time just watching a conversation take place where you just wonder at the end of it, what was the whole presenting complaint again? and your mind just goes blank. sitting for the whole 20 minutes trying to figure out what they were actually talking about. but at the end of it. you do pick up a few bits and bobs. and in tutorials when people are stuck on the prophylaxis you give a lady developing high b/p in early stages of pregnancy. you draw out your experiences and it all becomes worth again.  of course, low dose of aspirin.  guess what? i think i might just be in love with obs & gynae.

and you just can't help but wonder how does this male dominated speciality truly gives justice to women complaining of dysmenorrhea or associated symptoms when they aren't physiologically equipped with a menstrual cycle.  i guess that's how far we have reached the standards of equality. hehe i still wonder though, why its male dominated. could it be because there's a fair amount of surgical skills required. but oh well.

its still early days, but its probably quite high on my list of interesting specialities.

Steve Jobs just passed away of pancreatic cancer. as a fan of his products, i can't help but feel a sense of sadness. first time i heard of him was in my ITGS class, a couple of years ago.  quite an inspirational figure he is.  i think his legacy could be found in every household.  i just thought, it affected the whole world when he went, and his legacy will continue for numerous generations.  just reminded me of Nabi Muhammad and his legacy that has brought rahmah to this world.  should feel more honoured and love towards our beloved Rasul insyaAllah. صلى الله عليه وسلم

Great Western Hospital, Swindon, 

nmj

of a warrywart

bismillah, 

while i wait for my fish & chips to cook, i'll spend a bit of time to update my life. as I am into my 3rd week into my obs & gynae rotation, i bump into a lot of ppl. ppl who are inspiring as well de-spiring, if there is such a word. hehe. but Alhamdulillah, more of the former.

i have also witnessed some miraculous events in life which is delivery.  and i think it is truly an eye opener.  how the fetus can twist and turn to fit in the pelvic bone, at very specific and strategic points to avoid injuries such as shoulder distocia.  Subhanallah, Allah has pre-programmed us a way of keeping our lineage and generation ongoing. as you may well realise, westerners, whom most are atheist, often refer to Allah as 'nature'. Nature has provided us with such and such. which we, interpret as Allah's intelligence. 

and slowly, just really slowly, i am in the midst of searching for myself, yet again.  i guess it never ends, until someone tells me who i am, and i believe them (which there aren't that many i can assure you, i.e: mama & the family), i will never grow out of this phase? or until i feel i have achieved something great in life? or is just the temperaments of a medical student who hasn't quite decided what she wants to be and what will her future be like? Allah, i'm sorry, sometimes i forget, that i need to always remember to tawakkal to You. or i will constantly be a worrywart.

p/s: help! daddy long legs are attacking my room! 

-nmj

for my eyes only

silly me..i think i've fallen for someone 2 days ago, the next day, i discovered he was married, with a baby girl of 18 weeks, named Olivia. and he's going to finish his electives in October and fleeing back home to Trinidad (btw, he's a white trinidadian). His wife is chinese and she seems lovely. I think he must miss them terribly, that's probably why he showed me the pictures.  such a nice, good looking (as pointed out by Claire, NOT me), young (26 yr old) man. i pray u and your family will be shown the path of Islam and become great Muslims insyaAllah (however random this thought is, i pray for the best of you). thanks for being so kind to me. i hope i don't bump into you again. if not, i might just hate your wife and your beautiful baby.

oh Allah, i wonder if there's a nice Muslim young man, as cool as the trinidadian guy out there for me. if not, maybe just anyone cool? haha. this is total madness. please do take me really seriously. :p

rambler,
nmj

of breast fed babies

and it's kicking in. 

homesickness. again. :'( this time, both bristol and malaysia. 

huu~ yaAllah please strengthen my fickle little heart. 

-nmj

of a perfect balance

Alhamdulillah. such a simple word with such a huge meaning to it, right? 

today, i slept after class due to pure knackedness. so after asr, i slept for about an hour.   Alhamdulillah, Allah helped me to wake up in time for my Maghrib prayer with a knock from my next door friend. I've just started my placement in Swindon for O&G and Alhamdulillah the accomodation, hospital and groupmates are fine so far. She wanted to borrow my internet since hers is strangely not working.  and i prayed Maghrib while she was doing her thing on my laptop. i did inform her beforehand just so she wouldn't get weird out by my telekung..hehe. 

am currently reading 'Milestones' by Sayed Qutb. another book i nicked from home.  in Malay, I think it's called Petunjuk sepanjang jalan.  funnily enough, the book was bought in 1981, 7 years before i was born. i know i could just bought a new one to bring back, i just wanted a homey feel and hopes that mama & abah will also get some 'share' from me using this book.  insyaAllah.

macbook's weirdly mirror imaged camera.

Jan. 1 1981. 30 years old.

a beautiful excerpt from the book, 

"All this was possible because those who established this religion in the form of a state, a system and laws and regulations had first established it in their hearts and lives in the form of faith, character, worship and human relationships.  they had been promised only one thing for the establishment of this religion - not victory, or power not even that this religion would be established by their hands, not related to anything of this world: - one promise, that of the Garden.  that was the only promise given to them for all their striving for all the trials which they had endured, for their steadfastness in the face of the opposition of the forces of Jahiliyyah to that call, "There is no deity except God," which is abhorrent to those who are in power in any age and place." - Syed Qutb

sometimes, we are meant to be thinking big, to reform or 'islah' the community towards a better Islamic way of life. but it all starts from within, from an individual wanting Islam for him/herself first.  I guess that's where the balance lies, trying to reform oneself, at the same time calling others to it as well, a continuous process. hehe easier said than done? wallahua'am.

-nmj

all praise is to Allah

bismillah 

as fickle minded as i could be, i decided to attend a seminar on family upbringing today at the very last minute. like. literally. 

20 minutes to bus departure time and i'm still clicking on my laptop to confirm my online payment. hm, i guess it's true. if Allah will's you to be at one place you will be there, one way or another. biiznillah.

it all started a long time in a faraway land called malaysia..when i read the email i wasn't really bothered. partly because i didn't have good internet connection, partly because i didn't want to hear about building a family yet. to be honest, in my mind, i was thinking there was only so much that one can learn from theories but a bigger part of it is in applying it.  and so i just kept a closed eye. 

back in Bristol, i was still contemplating, should i go, or not. since i'll be leaving for my placement on sunday, i was worried i wouldn't have enough time to get back to bristol and pack.  to make matters worse, i was terribly homesick. and i still am. i don't know if there's some minor dysfunction in my sense of smell but i keep on smelling mama's scent since i came back to Bristol.  on my tudung, on my clothes and even my books. a bit weird but maybe mama accidently rubbed her fragrance when she was helping me pack.  so it wouldn't help to hear a talk on family in this current condition as i would only think about them more.  and so i thought.

eventually, after a long and strenuous thought, i buckled up and went.  i guess i had a few reasons:

1. i have the free time now, why not utilise it 

2. it's given by ustaz, there will definitely some sort of unsur rabbaniyah (which i'm dying for) even though i wasn't too keen on the family upbringing side

3. if our niat is for Allah, any amal would bring us reward insyaAllah

4. to apply kesyumulan Islam itself. although i was all geared up for the academic year and didn't want my motivation to be side tracked by other thoughts, doesn't every aspect of life goes hand in hand with each other? 

so i guess that was it.  and Alhamdulillah i really enjoyed it, even the travel and all.  and a surprise was i got to meet my mum's naqibah, once upon a time as one of the panelist. :)

a few tips and learning points from today:

1. nk jd ibu/isteri kene byk sabar

2. kalau kita tlg agama Allah, Allah akan tlg kita

3. komunikasi yg baik penting, org Melayu byk gune body language as opposed to westerners yg lebih verbal

4. nk tidur sebut "Allah menjaga kita, Allah melihat kita" utk lembutkan hati kita dan ajar anak2
5. kene belajar hidup susah dulu, dan turunkan standard hidup kita utk masa depan yg lebih senang 

hehe. i think that's all. i am quite embarassed about my level of writing and the things i talk about. i feel it's so petty compared to everyone elses. may Allah gives us benefit from this.

for future reference, at least if my naqibah asks me why i didn't want to go, i have something to tell her. ;)

nad.

p/s: this is song is dedicated to mama&abah and anyone else, as this is the wedding season. mabrouk :D

am back baybey

bismillah..

to fight back the homey attachment i had reading the last entry, this post is supposed to bring back the Bristol spirit. huhu..

i'm currently reading Smart Heart by Rusdin S. Rauf. Despite the title written in English, it is actually a Malay book. or more accurately an Indonesian one. but i think it is really easy to understand and masyaAllah i think this person is truly a talented writer. I don't read much in Malay but this book Alhamdulillah i truly enjoyed though i still have another one third to finish it.  

what is it about actually? it's how to achieve a Smart Heart. a 'smart' heart as defined by the author is 'hati yang lembut, lunak dan bersih'. 

so just some snippets that i liked, 

Abu Hurairah berkata, 

Hati adalah raja and anggota badan sebagai bala tenteranya.  Apabila rajanya baik, iaitu cerdas, baiklah pasukannya.  Apabila rajanya tidak baik, tidak baiklah pasukannya.

"Hati adalah kuil yang tuhan tempatkan dlam diri setiap manusia.  sebuah kuil bagi menampung percikan Tuhan di dalam diri kita.  Kuil dalam diri kita ini lebih berharga daripada kuil yang paling suci di mana pun di muka bumi ini.  Oleh sebab itu, melukai hati manusia lebih besar dosanya berbanding merosakkan tempat suci di dunia ini." - Heart, Self and Soul, Robert Frager

frankly i'm not really sure about the technicalities of the quote by Mr Frager but i understand that we can take the meaning of it and to try not to upset or harm anyone either deliberately or unintentionally,  which is one of the Islamic teachings. 

and another one, tips for reading from Andai buku itu sepotong pizza by Hernowo.

1- tentukan focus. apakah kebaikan membaca buku ni? apa yg boleh dipelajari drp buku ni?

2- cuba utk tidak biarkan satu perkataan pun yg tidak difahami

3- ambil masa. jgn paksa hati utk terus membaca menjadi jenuh

4- 'ikatlah' makna dgn menulis

5- jangan berhenti bertanya semasa membaca, bersikap kritis semasa membaca. apa yg cuba disampaikan penulis dalam bab ni?

6- ulangi pembacaan dgn menggunakan kecerdasan majmuk. 

okay, maybe we can try this.  right need to get back to sleep..

salam, 

nmj

of a farewell

bismillah, 

by the name of Allah ar-Rahman, ar-Rahim..

throughout my twenty something years i have known myself to have an innate quality of being emotionally numb..though it might be deliberate at times..or it might just be a plainly sluggish emotional reaction to certain events before i truly unleash my feelings..

i'll give you an example, during the first night in boarding in form 4, my other 3 roommates cried of homesickness..and i didn't..

it wasn't until 2 weeks later that the homesick fever caught up to me..by then my roommates who were over theirs were the ones who comforted me.

and yesterday, when my family sent me off at KLIA i said to them don't cry, my friends will be there..if they wanted to, please do it in the car..hehe no one did. it was a joke.  once i was in the aero train, my heart wanted to burst out with tears making me want to run back. but i didn't. and so today, am here in Bristol having defeated by my jet lagged self, i am a wake at 2am in the morning. huhu and quite dauntingly waiting for my first day of 4th year tomorrow. please pray everything will go well and smooothly insyaAllah. 

we ols with nek Salmah and tok Om

just a bit about Ramadhan..as the majority of Muslims will definitely be full of sorrow and regret as the month of blessedness ends and awaits for the coming one.  i too, have a certain amount of sadness to see the blessed month pass away. but it wasn't much.  and today, as i was travelling back to Bristol, i wanted to cry because of Allah's mercy having allowed us to go through this year's Ramadhan and how much it has brought to us. having allowed us to spend it with our family at home.  having allowed us to learn.  learn more about ourselves. learn more about our family.  and learn more about Islam.  learn more about You. 

having allowed us to perform our ibadah to You without any difficulties. having allowed us to purify ourselves from our mountains of sins. and having allowed us to reconnect ties of kinship.  for all of this and many more.  Alhamdulillah thummal hamdulillah. truly, La hawla wa la quwwata illa billah. 

aqil at nek salmah's house, 1st raya

adah's bebito and combi with their 5 sons+daughters who were born during nuzul Qur'an

may Allah protect us all insyaAllah.

my love letter, 

nmj

My summer snippets

bismillah, 

i know it's been a while since i posted a new entry.  i would say, a major factor would be lack of alone time and quite a chipsmore-ish internet connection.  but Alhamdulillah, there's still one. hehe

what have i done so far?

*after finishing my SSC, 31 July 2011

1. blk kg iftar at Melaka & Johor

2. iftar with Bangians

3. went to first half of KONSISTEN

4. spent a night at Along's house

5. iftar with MO6J

6. joined Bengkel IKRAMedia

7. IMAM meeting and met up with Bristolians

8. shopping barang

Alhamdulillah, i think this is quite acceptable for the past 18 days i've been free from the clutches of the miserable eSSC. Since both cars were fully utilised by my parents, i do feel i was quite a hassle to them having to send me here and there, although, they did say it was fine. insyaAllah may Allah bless them.

Alhamdulillah again, i think this summer has been really rejuvenating and i hope i will come back with a brighter spirit to Bristol insyaAllah. 

-18 Ramadhan 2011

of wishy washy reporting

bismillah, 

Alhamdulillah, i've set foot in my home land 3 days ago.  one thing for sure is the weather here has not changed. you can expect the heat and the jerebu.  so i've had this sore throat since i arrived. to tell the truth, i'm not sure if it's the water in the plane or if it's the jerebu.  hmm...i'm pretty sure it's the latter but i think it started on the plane.  

oh well, on a more serious note, i've just 'melapor diri' for summer. which means, no hiding hiding anymore please.  oh Allah ikhlaskanlah hati ku ini. is this just a normal decline in my learning curve or am i being too lenient on myself? kweng..guess only i will b able to answer that. 

so since 3 days at home, i've had my daily Wii exercise.  I'm currently a champ in boxing and tennis. haha virtual that is. oh yeah, and a bit of baseball too. I still need to work on my batting though.  through out the day i run errands, i've been driving around a bit and also caught up with my biological jet lagged sleep.  and also i've moved up a 100 words for my ssc. hehe very impressive don't you think? nguehehe..

and also, next week we'll start berKibar. 

oh Allah please open up my heart and purify my niat. Ameen. 

lessthanthree,

nad

of a time in the past

it's been 3 years now, i hope one day our paths will cross again, insyaAllah. in the meantime, take care! missing you girls! hehe

much luv,  
nmj

of sisterrrrs (2011)

partners in crime~

@ Batu Pahat, 2009  

7 days to go~ insyaAllah.

of nenek kebayan

bismillah, 

Salam sejahtera. Berita hari ini.

1) Alhamdulillahirabbil'alamin, I can now introduce myself as Nahdiya, I'm a 4th year medical student from Bristol. 

2) I need to finish off my SSC which is so terribly utterly mundane before the above statement can be properly used. 

3) oh, oh..check out this link, hehe my 'other' escapism from SSC

http://imamuk.wordpress.com/

grrr,

-nadmj

rain n smiles =summer camp UK 2011

Alhamdulillah for giving us the chance...

to give better meaning to the things we do in life..insyaAllah. 

i quote a sister "semua org bercamping, kita nampak ramai mat salleh camping, tapi apa bezanya camping kita dgn camping mereka adalah makna. Kita ada makna yang lebih besar kepada aktiviti yang kita buat, mungkin kita tak byk berjaulah ke tempat-tempat lain, tapi jaulah yang bermaknalah yang lebih berharga." 

Pennine way, yorkshire dale

and here's a list of what this year's summer camp meant to me insyaAllah:

hidup yang sekejap di dunia

pain is temporary as is rain, but a good deed/pahala is forever insyaAllah.  Alhamdulillah utk ruang-ruang yang Allah beri utk kita beramal. 

solat in the rain. hehe n that's me trying to join the saf ;)

nikmat dan rahmat Allah yang terlampau luas

without being wet, we wouldn't appreciate being dry.  without wet clothes and shoes, we wouldn't appreciate our warm and dry garments.  without having to drive for 4 and a half hours we wouldn't appreciate the services along the way. hehe

وَإِنْ تَعُدُّوا نِعْمَةَ اللَّهِ لَا تُحْصُوهَا إِنَّ اللَّهَ لَغَفُورٌ رَحِيمٌ

(16:18) If you try to reckon up Allah's blessings, you cannot count them. Indeed, He is Forgiving and Compassionate

and to appreciate Allah's nikmat as best as possible. to always question ourselves what are we doing with Allah's nikmat that we are graciously given for free and using everyday? are we using it for the good?

Janet's Foss Waterfall

to always have good faith in Allah and to not complain about the weather ;)

the day we had our hiking was terrible because it was raining throughout the day. and in my dark and damaged heart, i was thinking this is so bad..oh Allah please make it sunny.  i prayed and prayed silently. but it still didn't change.  but i was still happy nevertheless the walk was great, and it went smoothly Alhamdulillah. then, we had out tadabbur on Malham Cove and we went through the verses from surah an-Nahl 1-18..but these two particular versus struck me.

هُوَ الَّذِي أَنْزَلَ مِنَ السَّمَاءِ مَاءً لَكُمْ مِنْهُ شَرَابٌ وَمِنْهُ شَجَرٌ فِيهِ تُسِيمُونَ 

(16:10) It is He, Who sends down for you water from the sky, which provides drinking water for you and brings forth fodder for your cattle.

يُنْبِتُ لَكُمْ بِهِ الزَّرْعَ وَالزَّيْتُونَ وَالنَّخِيلَ وَالْأَعْنَابَ وَمِنْ كُلِّ الثَّمَرَاتِ إِنَّ فِي ذَلِكَ لَآَيَةً لِقَوْمٍ يَتَفَكَّرُونَ 

(16:11) And thereby He grows for you crops and olives and date-palms and vines and different kinds of many other fruits. Surely there is a great Sign in this for those people who ponder.

it was such a blow to my selfish self.  in the heat of the moment i must've forgotten that Allah sent down His rain as a blessing to us.  and I quickly said istighfar.  may Allah forgive me.  the next thing i knew, with every drop of rain, i smiled.  and i felt uplifted as though each drop was a hug.  a sign of love and care from Him.  the funny thing is, the next day which was our last, was really bright and sunny and hot too.  and i thought, it would have probably been worse hiking in this weather as we would have been sweating profusely and dropped down to our knees from exhaustion in an instant. which ever way, truly Allah knows best.  and so, if ever i complain about the weather being too hot, or the rain non-stop can you remind me to stop and have good faith in Allah, pleaseeee? ^^

Gordale Scar, Yorkshire Dale

at-tadhiyyah

another quote from a sister a.k.a kemkom "sebenarnya waktu kita rasa berat dan kena berkorban, waktu itulah kita diuji, kalau kita rasa senang je sebenarnya kita belum teruji lagi." so basically, if we are not yet tested than how do we know that we have actually grasped the many theories we've learned so far. because the end point of learning something is always in the amal, insyaAllah. 

Allah, it scares me everytime I write things in here because we will always be tested for every word we say.  Astaghfirullah astaghfirullah astaghfirullah. but i know if i don't write this down somewhere part of it will be forgotten and become a distant memory.  and i hope that won't happen. ;)

sisterly love..fillah insyAllah

may Allah help us to become better people and grant us the understanding we need and the strength to practice what we preach insyaAllah.

p/s: congrats to the childhood bestfriend who just tied the knot on the 24th of june. in the midst of waiting at the checkpoint for summer camp explorace, i was thinking of you guys and wished i could be there. hehe. congrats again Mrs. 'Atikah! (i didn't forget the apostrophe hehe)

yours sincerely (which means without wax),

nmj