of updates

hey its me again, and its been awhile since i last posted. so umm.. there's a few changes in my life. my housemate just got married. we went and it ws great. so happy for her Alhamdulillah. then there's the empty room becAuse she's now become housemates with her husband a.k.a living together with her husband. haha so now there's 2 ppl comig in to fill in the empty space. and ill b getting the bigger room yay! so now only issue is i have to start moving my thinngs into the new room. and finish everthing within an hour. cos after this ill b travelling to jb with k farah and farihin. to meet our dearest hani since she's in msia now... hmmm so mich change.. and another major thing i forgot to mention is..,ive finished ortho hihihihi so happy Alhamdulillah. 

ill b starting o n g next week. which im not really looking forward cus i heard there's a lot of ahouting and such. herghhh back to the dreaded surgical days.. and it ws so much fun in ortho with my peri team and kind specialists and mo 😌

anyway no point dreading thing which havent yet happened. need to move on and move forward! i can make it through inshaAllah cuz Allah is always there. its me je who is such a disapointing srvant who doesnt always ask and rmmber and obey His commands. 

for betterment in the future inshaAllah. 

cmon nad.UK u cn do it!!! 👊

of life as a worm..a bookworm

so recently i've been burrowing my head in this book.. if u know me u know well enough it's not a medical book..and u're right.. i've spent my off days and free time with mr archer's masterpiece.. 'paths of glory' which i got for 6 ringgit at popular.. there's like a clearance sale and certain books were on sale on such good price..anyway, the story is awesome, it's based kn a true story about an englishman wanting to set history by being the first man to teach the top of everest.. the setting was in 1900 - 1926.. he was a gifted climber and how he sacrificed his life to claim glory but being a great family man and having to make sacrifices as well.. anyway, what o learnt from the book is that, u should always try and treat each other kindly, especially your friends and always look out for one another, also always give encouragement to each other and don't be too sceptical because you may never know what they may achieve.. ahh.. so anyway, i don't have any more fun reading material left which means i need to get a head start on my orthopaedics 101.. wish me luck please..thank u for your encouragement 😋

yours always, 

Nahdiya Md Jan

 

suddenly feeling nostalgic

of boredom being on night duty

so i'm currently in the ward, oh yes if i haven't uet updated u i'm currenlty into my third posting which is orthopaedics. hmm am quite liking it at the moment, and the people as well..oppss the working environment i mean heheh.. quite the opposite from medical..where as medical is very hectic and non-stop admission/issues, ortho is very straight forward op or no op..jobless or jobful (if there is such a term).. if there is work its here and now.. or one could just hang around and read a story book.. whih i currently am.. i'm on night duty today and i brought a companion to fill my spare time.. i'm almost finishing this new book lemony snicket's 'all the wrong question'..and an currently 2/3 into reading it only to realise it has a prequel which is the 1st book.. but nevertheless it's still worth a read.. i love how snicket can play with words and be witty at the same time.. and how playful he is with naming the characters..for instance there is this diner's owner named Hungry. and then there's the dialog between the main character and his friend, 

'are u hungry?' 

'yes, i am', 

'that's funny, i thought someone else was Hungry' 

haha funny right? and then it continues..

'i don't follow u, Snicket' 

'then follow me, Moxie' 

haha this is just genius..

anyway, enough of him.. 

hmm i'm reaching 30 and i'm still in denial and clueless about my life.. is this part of growing up? having no idea of how to grow up? 

yes, sorry to end this post with an unexpected twist. i hope something pans out in front of me and shows me a path i should take, something or someone..preferably tall and handsoem

lols 

take care, loves, 

Dr Nahdiya B (for bristol as they now know me in ortho) 

Undecided

So I'm almost finishing my medical rotation. alhamdulillah am very grateful for the experiences. For all the hardship, the backpain, the painful heels, the panda eyes, the working for more about 20 hours non stop. I think I must've gained something, if it's not only knowledge, it should be pahala. hmm, then again, was my intention truly ikhlas for him? Did I set my niat every morning? Did I act kind to people around me? I noticed the greatest test for me is to be kind in times of total knackeredness... Hmm..I hope so. I hope I've done the best for Him. I hope to be the best for Him. 

Should I pursue MRCP?

still undecided, 

Doc Nad 

Of saving lives and not killing them

Yesterday after Maghrib, around 8pm a staff nurse asked me: doktor, doktor dah buka ke? ( as in buka puasa, since now is Ramadan). 

Me: belum lg..sy tgh nk selamatkan nyawa orang ni. 

Without really exaggerating, it was literally true. My patient was admitted due to variceeal bleed. He had haematemasis but has resolved for about a day and there were no signs of active bleeding. At 7pm his bp suddenly dropped. Not responding to fluid challenge. Called my MO whether we should start inotropes. He said the pt is likely having active internal bleed and told me to get fbc stat and to get 4pints blood. Had to wait for 30mins for blood to be ready and his bp is further dropping. Requested for safe O blood. Transfused immediately. While transfusing, suddenly blood came oozing out from his back soaking almost all of the mattress. Yikes! So hb was dropping, platlet was only 10. gsc dropping. Had to intubate. Had to dash to the lab for more packed cells, for divc regime. And there I was running to and fro from the ward and blood bank getting more and more blood. For the sake of this one man's life. It ws 8.15pm and only then had I manged to get 1 sip of air cendol I bought earlier to break my fast. And i felt so exhausted after the life saving sprints. but so good that I could help. My mo said to me, u have to run and get the blood. This is the only thing that will save the patient's life. and it made my strides a lot wider. 

Today, I watched some of gaza footage on Facebook. I've been trying to hold myself from watching them cause I know I will just have rivers of tears that will never stop. And I'll feel so wiped out after that. And luckily I managed to contain myself, but I can't help but feel so outraged at the zionists for being so zalim and so inhumane that they deserve for the whole world to pray bad thoughts for them. May Allah grant our prayers and save Palestine and the people who are fighting hard every day to protect the land and to merely survive. May the children of gaza die as martyr or grow up to become great people and not be affected by the trauma and pain. ameen. 

I'm not sure how this entry is beneficial.  Basically, I just need a platform to vent. 

till then 

Loves

Doc Nahdiya

Of a new beginning

Alhamdulillah I'm done with surgical (correction: surgery) and will embark on my journey in medical (cough2 I mean medicine) tomorrow.. Done melayan kerenah2 superiors yang ada angin lintang hehe but I'm sure gonna miss some of them for sure..

Bismillah May Allah ease

the ups and downs of being a HO (part 1)

Bismillah,

Hello outside world..how r you? I hope you're doing just fine..:)

so it's been some time ago since we last updated each other (or to be exact since I last updated you..huhu yes this has always been a one sided relationship where I just blabber on and you've always been my faithful confidante..unwillingly since the start of 2008)

so yes, i've entered my new phase of life..i'm all grown up now..with a two letter title in front of my name..

Welcome world..Dr Nahdiya has arrived. To be honest, I've been working in Hospital Melaka for almost 4 months which means that I'm coming to the end of my first rotation - surgical. *clap2*

Alhamdulillah, i'm not sure whether I'm  happy or sad. At the moment I'm having both feelings.  I love working in hospital which is a pleasant surprise.  I love dealing with people (who are tolerating, respecting and hardworking). I love patients who are grateful and have a positive attitude.   I love my colleagues who have infected me with kindness and who have taught me to laugh through the hard and unbearable times.  

I dislike the fact that at times hospitals can be a very stressful environment. Given what's at stake -someone's life. I can't argue over that.  However, the fact that it's worsened by unfriendly MOs, the blaming culture, the lack of consideration over the fact that human's are not robots, and when mistakes do happen and if results aren't back, it's not 100% the HOs fault.  yes, i do admit. I make blunders, especially being new and not really familiar with the fact that hospitals in Malaysia can be very old school, where you need to chase results by FOOT! running around half the hospital block just to get your FBC and U&E for this one patient.  (this always gets me laughing) How inconvenient and inefficient use of time. on the plus side, the view of the mosque and parking area is quite nice on the way to the lab, and the exercise helps me to lose some calories, only thing being drenched in sweat afterwards.. hehe but anyway, machines can break down too you know, PPKs can just wander off and go MIA with the investigation results. so sometimes it's not only the HO fault x)

but all in all, it's still a satisfactory feeling going back home knackered.  and praying hard that the deeds you've done throughout the day is considered as amal.  A specilaist once reminded me, when I was doing my attachment at Putrajaya Hospital during my final yr of being a med student that there's plenty of 'orang sakit' in hospital, so everyday don't forget to niat untuk menziarahi orang sakit, hopefully we can get some pahala from that.  

one thing I feel that I've been reminded a lot is to depend on Allah and don't forget that He is the ruler and controller of all.  Many a times my heart just stops and goes to my tummy when the specialist or surgeons come and do their rounds and finds out this is wrong or that particular thing should be left in front, or something is not following their exact order on top of asking who was the first person to discover H.pylori.  and who is Childs-Pugh or whoever and being clueless most of the times.  At that point you just feel like borrowing Harry Potter's invisibility cloak. Or that time when your specialist suddenly requests you to be at another ward during his round so he can assess you. and you're just wondering what other misfortune will happen to you next.  But alas, in that desperate moment, is actually the best time to make dua and pray to the highest power that this particular humanbeing will not extend you or re-tag you or impose any kind of punishment whatsoever, instead of being scared of another human being. 

and because of this as well, it reminds me that I have my mutabaah amal to complete, and try to hafal surah whenever i can.. to use my limited time in the car for ma'thurat and so on.  Because when you put your heart at the right place, that is to fear Allah more than to fear human, it makes being scolded or scowled at by your specialist much more bearable.  hehe it this makes sense. and it makes you feel closer to Him. 

despite saying this, the sight of any specialists back will still make me take the longer route even if that means climbing 4 flights of stairs.  

oh well. 

                   

                              The first ward I ever worked in 4-2 with lovely people

take care,

Nahdiya