of a lesson during aidiladha

assalamualaikum.. how r u? so today i am on leave but im working. i felt bored at home so i'm doing locum. haha

yesterday was hari raya aidil adha. a celebration of sacrifice one has made to gain Allah's love and mercy. 

for me it was only a humble celebration at home. we dint blk kampung because mama din't feel well. we went to my aunty's house. i learnt a lot about how cancer pts felt. i never knew it before this. how anyday can be a the day when one finds out the ca has resurfaced. or how long they may hv until the body succumbs and its time to say goodbye. i always thought that the silver lining of having an incurable disease is knowing that u have acertajn period of time left. therefore one can work their best and do more good deeds to meet their lord. but then again, will one ever feel brave enough to meet death? and say i'm ready to die. and feel satisfied with one's deed. indeed death is a terifying matter which everyone will hv to go through. ready or not. 😭

i learnt bout khauf and raja'. about hoping that your deeds are accepted and feeling afraid that what u r doing is not enough for Him. and lastly at your deathbed, when u can do no more, u have to bersangka baik that Allah will accept your deeds. 

how la. mulianya hati itu bila boleh berserah segalanya kepada Allah. 

still learning untuk menjadi redha, 

Nahdiya 

yang masih kelip-kelip

with nabun's bundle of joy hihu

of deja vu

hi. morning.
yes, i woke up early today and i'm in quite a good mood Alhamdulillah.
don't u love the feeling of waking up early and feeling refreshed after having a good quality night's sleep? okay, so maybe most of the time i wake up feeling groggy haha so today Alhamdulillah i feel refreshed and grateful.

recently i've been listening to a video by jay shetty, a motivational speaker from the UK. he was talking about how one never stops learning in life. i love one of his saying that sometimes we go through similar scenarios in life and maybe we were meant to go through them for us to find the lesson behind it. until then, we will repeatedly go though it to learn from it.

i think it's true.

last week was merdeka week. like usual i go for my weekly swim. i was supposed to finish work at 4.30pm so i had ample time to catch my swim session at 6pm. i was looking forward to it until a patient who i saw earlier in clinic and who i thought had gone home came back to see me around 4.20pm and i had to settle their issues until 5pm. i din't have the heart to pass the case over to my collegue since the uncle had quite a lot problems. so ended up i was late, couldn't go for my swim. and seeming that it is rare occasion that i get to finish work at 4.30pm. i was angry. but at who i wasn't sure. haha. initially it was the patient. why had he have to come back just about 10mins before i was due to go home. then i was angry at myself for not passing over the case. but then i became angry at the whole situation. and then i was just angry without a reason. haha. i'm slightly pathetic. i know

so i calmed myself down. then i thought, never mind, i can go swim for another day. so the next day i tried again but it was merdeka week and a few roads were closed and traffic rerouted so the roads were extremely busy. and i din't make it in time for my swim. Again.

but this time i felt different. i was more composed. more calm. i thought about why had i been put in this situation twice. trying to achieve something but yet again failed. and i thought, maybe Allah is teaching me a lesson here. maybe He want's me to depend on Him. to understand that although we make plans, He is always mightier and more powerful to allow it to happen. and it my case, it din't happen and i wasn't able to go for swim. but it was okay, because it was a lesson i was supposed to learn. about being patient. about being humble. and about acknowledging the fact that we are mere mortals who are weak and powerless.

and through out the drive, it made me calm. and it was kind to my heart as well. maybe that is His plan all along.

it's amazing how one's perspective can change.
till then, keep well and smile.

the philosopher,
yours,
Nahdiya