of a getaway

ohaiyyoo! assalamualaikum.. 

its me nahdiya des.. 

currently in the flight from kix to klia.. which means sadly my holiday has come to an end.. and tmrw i'll be facing patients again in clinic..

so far, Alhamdulillah.. i think Allah has given me a lot to think about throughout this journey.. it was a journey in search for meaning.. 

about a lot of things i had left out of my life.. about setting back my compass in life..about menegakkn benang yg basah..but i dont know if it will be strong enough to boost me.. huerhhh

ill talk more about my short getsway later, till we meet again 

au revoir

doakan sy ye, 

nahdiya

 2016

2010

of my day to day

i ws sitting in clinic today and came an 84 yr old lady for her appointment. so i asked if she's been taking her meds. and she replied with the usual. as i was writing her prescription she mentioned,"oh so young.. doctor, ur so young.." which in clinic setting is never a compliment.. i just smiled, then she carried on by saying "doctor banyak cantik" which was a nice surprise haha so i said, "yeke aunty? thank you" and i was quite struggling to find her a compliment so i just said,"wah aunty pun banyak baik".. but in my heart i just wanted to say "aunty, mybe its time to get ur eyes checked"...

selingan saje, 😑😑 heheh

Nahdiya 

of a clear night and inability to sleep

assalamualaikum world hehe.. it's been a while hasn't it.. hope ur doing well 😊

today i had a psychiatry course at hkl..then had a meetup with my dear friend Zaween..and suddenly i really miss the hospital environment.. seeing the doctors with the white coats and missing my HO days in Melaka.. 

anyway, since i decided to stay in kepong today, i'm missing my family at home.. and it got me thinking about my parents.. um since my borther in law passed away i think my parents have sacrificed and done so much for my sister and her kids.. and i'm so grateful to Allah for providing us with parents who are very supportive and capable emotionally, physically and financially in helping their child in times of need. Alhamdulillah. and i truly think that their 'jasa' cannot be repaid by us and may Allah grant them jannah. there's a hadith saying that if a father makes her daughter happy then the reward is jannah but i don't have the reference on it so pls don't quote me on that.

Jabir ibn ‘Abdullah reported that the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, “Anyone who has three daughters and provides for them, clothes them and shows mercy to them will definitely enter the Garden.” A man from the people said, “And two daughters, Messenger of Allah?” He (peace and blessings be upon him) said, “And two.”

anyway, eventhough it talks about a fathers palce, there is also a high place /reward for mothers. mama is surely one very caring, compassionate, and somewhat at time has labile moods but she is our one and only mother and i love her for that. eventhough at times i may not understand her but she has sacrificed so much for us and i need to learn to become more patient so i can tolerate her better. and help her more around the house. i wish i had a lot of money so i can hire a maid to help her out. and so my mama can di anything she wants. 

i remember a friend saying to me that since my sister is taking care of her children alone how about we take care of them? and i was so furious with that suggestion. how can one take away children from their parents when the children is the backbone or strength got my sister. i remember being angry and since i'm emotionally reserved, i couldnt voice out what i thought and i just gave a cold shoulder instead. and tonite i'm not really sure why i'm thinking about this. 

myb it has something to do with the psych course i'm attending. hmmh

anyway, i still have the psych course tmrw and need to get there early for parking. 

adios. take care okay? 

nahdiya 

at the gardens with my sister and cousin xx

of a lesson during aidiladha

assalamualaikum.. how r u? so today i am on leave but im working. i felt bored at home so i'm doing locum. haha

yesterday was hari raya aidil adha. a celebration of sacrifice one has made to gain Allah's love and mercy. 

for me it was only a humble celebration at home. we dint blk kampung because mama din't feel well. we went to my aunty's house. i learnt a lot about how cancer pts felt. i never knew it before this. how anyday can be a the day when one finds out the ca has resurfaced. or how long they may hv until the body succumbs and its time to say goodbye. i always thought that the silver lining of having an incurable disease is knowing that u have acertajn period of time left. therefore one can work their best and do more good deeds to meet their lord. but then again, will one ever feel brave enough to meet death? and say i'm ready to die. and feel satisfied with one's deed. indeed death is a terifying matter which everyone will hv to go through. ready or not. 😭

i learnt bout khauf and raja'. about hoping that your deeds are accepted and feeling afraid that what u r doing is not enough for Him. and lastly at your deathbed, when u can do no more, u have to bersangka baik that Allah will accept your deeds. 

how la. mulianya hati itu bila boleh berserah segalanya kepada Allah. 

still learning untuk menjadi redha, 

Nahdiya 

yang masih kelip-kelip

with nabun's bundle of joy hihu

of deja vu

hi. morning.
yes, i woke up early today and i'm in quite a good mood Alhamdulillah.
don't u love the feeling of waking up early and feeling refreshed after having a good quality night's sleep? okay, so maybe most of the time i wake up feeling groggy haha so today Alhamdulillah i feel refreshed and grateful.

recently i've been listening to a video by jay shetty, a motivational speaker from the UK. he was talking about how one never stops learning in life. i love one of his saying that sometimes we go through similar scenarios in life and maybe we were meant to go through them for us to find the lesson behind it. until then, we will repeatedly go though it to learn from it.

i think it's true.

last week was merdeka week. like usual i go for my weekly swim. i was supposed to finish work at 4.30pm so i had ample time to catch my swim session at 6pm. i was looking forward to it until a patient who i saw earlier in clinic and who i thought had gone home came back to see me around 4.20pm and i had to settle their issues until 5pm. i din't have the heart to pass the case over to my collegue since the uncle had quite a lot problems. so ended up i was late, couldn't go for my swim. and seeming that it is rare occasion that i get to finish work at 4.30pm. i was angry. but at who i wasn't sure. haha. initially it was the patient. why had he have to come back just about 10mins before i was due to go home. then i was angry at myself for not passing over the case. but then i became angry at the whole situation. and then i was just angry without a reason. haha. i'm slightly pathetic. i know

so i calmed myself down. then i thought, never mind, i can go swim for another day. so the next day i tried again but it was merdeka week and a few roads were closed and traffic rerouted so the roads were extremely busy. and i din't make it in time for my swim. Again.

but this time i felt different. i was more composed. more calm. i thought about why had i been put in this situation twice. trying to achieve something but yet again failed. and i thought, maybe Allah is teaching me a lesson here. maybe He want's me to depend on Him. to understand that although we make plans, He is always mightier and more powerful to allow it to happen. and it my case, it din't happen and i wasn't able to go for swim. but it was okay, because it was a lesson i was supposed to learn. about being patient. about being humble. and about acknowledging the fact that we are mere mortals who are weak and powerless.

and through out the drive, it made me calm. and it was kind to my heart as well. maybe that is His plan all along.

it's amazing how one's perspective can change.
till then, keep well and smile.

the philosopher,
yours,
Nahdiya

of being emotional

hi world.. its me again.. okay, so today's writing is only meant for me..

im cranky and moody.. it might be my pms..😭

they say happiness comes from within.. i'm not sure i wanna believe that.. 

partly it is true.. but i also find being grateful is a part of happiness which one can achieve by looking at their surroundings and what one has ahieved.. and then the other rebellious side of me now thinks that happy endings are justa fairy tale and only exists in heaven.. ah slowly i feel like i'm giving up on life 😭

don't worry i still have insight and i am not yet depressed but yes i am moody and broody

hmm yes i'm actually sad, sad that some things may not end up the way i want it to be.. i know they say, "well, that's life" and acceptance is a very tough lesson to learn.. currently i seem to be failing.. very bad.. sobs, i feel like crying..myb i will.. before i go to bed today.. 

my friend said to me, if its meant to be, its meant to be, if its not then its also God's will.. 

okay i'm feeling like crying now.. hopefully my next entry i'll pass my pms state and become euthymic again.. ahh this is so hard, please be strong heart

pray that i can be strong pleasee 

thank you

yours,

me

mode: currently missing home 😭😭😭

of peace

assalamualaikumm.. 

ape kabar? sehat? 

kenape hati tak tenang ni.. yaAllah.. mungkin ke sbb da jauh drp Allah? 

"ala bizikrillahi tatmainnalqulub"

sesungguhnya dengan mengingati Allah hati akan tenang.. 

cakkk! rindunye zaman HO da kawan2 saya.. tp tak rindu stress jd HO haha 

moga tenang2 aje inshaAllah, doakan pleaseee

Nahdiya

of syawal 2016

assalamualaikuuuum...

kami datang berayerrrr... nak duit rayerrr bolehhh? hehe 

so Alhamdulillah we've completed 30 days of Ramadhan and we're now at Day 6 of syawal.. and i'm really missing Ramdhan.. 

how've u been? 

i suddenly miss writing huhuhihi..

yes, i find that writing gives me some calmness through the calamity..

recently ive been reminded about a few things. 

how everthing goes back to Allah and how He is the best planner. 

I think i'm currently in the process of rectifying my life's compass.. to be close again to Allah.. it's not something easy.. 

previously i would find a nice place and i would talk to Allah during my private time. I would tell him my worries, i would depend on Him and i would tell Him my hopes and dreams. i don't why I've changes now. myb it's because lack of time, or just plain lazy. either way, it's just an excuse. i'm training myself to once again confide in Him again. doakan sy berjaya ye. 

a few things i've learnt this pass month:

1. men are all the same. yes, the pessimist side of me just feels like giving up on the opposite sepcies. i'm trying to find peace with the fact that i may just not get married. but at least i want my life to be purposeful and ikhlas for Him. because at the end pf the day everyone will die. single or married is just a status. 

2. i just warhed ice age: collision course yesterday with my adorable and googly eyed nephews. and surprisingly, i really loved it. i'm proud to say it is one of my hall of fame listed movies. although it's just a cartoon it has so many great messages. like how eventhough everyone knew that a meteor was going to hit them and it would cause massive destruction everone worked together to do something and not just sit around and wait for the end of the world. it's like one of Rasulullah's hadith which goes along the lines of tanamlah biji kurma walaupun qiamat itu esok. ok this is very crude but it means that u have to try even if there's little time left. because Allah looks at ur efforts and not the outcome. 

i feel it hits me right on the head because i feel like we are really close to the end of the world now. just look at the catastrophe around the globe. one after the other. it's like even the earth would be glad to not have to handle humans anymore. and even if that's the case, we shouldn't give up but we should instead work harder. i know it's easier said than done. haih, just makes me think that i should further my studies. in what? right now mrcp is one of the most potential one. 

3. thirdly, the value of money and hardwork. since money doesn't grow on trees and for raya i had to spent quite a bit, i think i need to fo some OT to pay it back. and while i hv the time i should make hood use of it. 

right, i think i've done most of my babbling.. i'll write to update again later.. till we meet again.. nakk duit rayerrr pleaeeash..

doakan utk kami dunia akhirat ye, 

nad

of Ramadhan 2016

dear blog, 

so here i am in kepong. as u know, ive started my MO job. and although it is in KL it still feels foreign.

this year, Ramadhan is different. different, in a sense of both good and bad..

good, because i'm able to have iftar with my family and help prepare food for buka. and also be able to have a proper iftar, instead of a 10 minutes stuff your face iftar and 5 minutes maghrib prayer then straight to start night shift.-yes, it was just a year ago.

another thing i've learned is to value time. 

when i was working my shifts as a HO in melaka, every nite i would dream of performing tarawih at the next door masjid AlAzim. i remember thinking if only my shift finishes an hour early i would have ample time to iftar and join the congregation for isya' and tarawih. so now, because i know how bad it feels like, i would cherish the time I have and join abah to the masjid/surau for tarawih. that is, the times when i am able to pray - hint, if u get what i mean hihihu

so the bad, is because i feel less independent and as a result, I didn't come up with my Ramadhan goals. haih, very bad Nad. so I haven't been able to give sedeqah rm1 perday as i would last year. 

anyway, there's still time so i think i should try and do it before its too late. 

i just read something and i think is very  point on for me, "The best of you is the one who is best to his family. And I am the best of you to my family." sabda Rasulullah. riwayat at-tirmidhi and Ibn Majah. Long way to go Nad! but keep trying okay! 

oh Allah pls bring peace into my heart and give what's best for me dunya and akhirat Ameen. 

yours.

Nahdiya 

19th Ramadhan 2016

kinabalu 2016

of something i like to cherish

Hi world, it's me again..

hope ur doing fine..

so a few things have happened last month.. but the rest is still the same.. nothing much has changed.. i'm still figuring out whether i should stay in kk or work in hospital.. anywayyy... i've been going through some of my stuff and i'd like to make a tribute to some of my friends who i've really learned to appreciate.. 

friends, like family are gifts from Allah. i remember receiving a phonecall from my sister last yr..

it was a busy night, i had just came back from tagging, which means around 10 ish at nite. i was doing my anaesth posting at the time. went straight to my room dropped my stuff. and then una came in my room. we chatted on my bed and i told her how my day went and she told me how her's went.. and suddenly came the phonecall from home.. Did's saying that my brother in law ws involved in an accident and is no longer we us.. 

i was dumbfounded. took a moment to make sense of things. and when it did.. tears came rushing down. i remember asking how ws Als? is she okay?.. Alhamdulillah she wasn't in the car. 

so when i could breath again, i told una what had happened. she told me to sabar. i tried bt it was as though a dam inside my eyes had just broke and i couldn't stop the tears from flowing. i knew i had to go back home that nite. but i doubt i could even see with the tears. and then una as kind as she is, said she could drive me back to bangi with my car. and said it was her off day tmrw so she could find a ride back to melacca. i didnt want to be a bother to her bt i also had no other choice than jeopardise my safety. so i took her offer. it was one of the kindest things she has done for me. and i silently said to myself that i would the same for her whenever needs be. as she drove me back, i also texted one of my friend, surprisingly i felt comfortable to tell him although i just starting working with him and just became friends with him. i think he too has a very kind heart. He was comforting and told me to take EL from my tagging. he was always there when i was in need. i don't know why we drifted apart. 

i truly appreciated their help. being there for a friend is a great treasure. i am truly blessed to have them. 

i hope i can be a great friend to someone. 

yours, 

nahdiya

congrats MO's hehe. and it feels just like how it was in Melaka. 

volunteer work for Syrian Refugees in May 2015

of ayat win

ayat paling win daripada sorg pakcik 60an kt klinik. 

me: assalamualaikum pakcik. pakcik ada kencing manis kan. ok harini gula pakcik cantik. 

pc: iye ke doktor? 

hmm gula pakcik ni cantik, sbb orgnya cantik. kalau orgnya cantik, gula pakcik pun cantik, kalau orgnya tak cantik, gula pakcik pun tak brp nk cantik.. betul doktor..

me: *dalam hati..wow, mengayat tk mengira usia.. heheh andainya usiamu 30 tahun lebih muda..hmm

akhirnya, tk mmpu nk berkata apa2..pandang pakcik dan senyum :)

heheh.. 

selingan saje, senyum..

yours, 

nahdiya

of a little reminder

i'm crying.. again.. 

yaAllah.. please forgive my sins.. i've gotten so far from you.. 

i'm not sure what's happened..but i hope i can find my way back to You.. 

please don't let me stray too far 

Ameen

*of batman and robin/of hani and nad* - times when our hearts were so pure and full of light.. gambatte Nad! 

of angels and demons

one minute u feel like your on top of the world, and then u blink your eyes..

and suddenly u feel like ur at the bottom of everything..  beneath the dirt and debris.. 

and a long pause

breath in and breath out..

and the cycle repeats itself

of being a Momo

hi, long time no update.. 

hmm with my curent life status, i'm not sure where i'm at rite now. one thing is, i'm getting the hang of being in KK. slowly getting there. and there's actually a lot to learn. i love my collegues. their very helpful. but i don't know if their quietly judging me haha

mm other than that, i've applied for leave.. hihihihi Alhamdulillah..

i need to find more decent clothes for work. recently i feel my clothes is becoming more singkat, my tudung also feels sometimes not adequate but so far i think still tutup aurat inshaAllah. myb need to buy my clothes from muslimah shops. 

lately i feel a bit far from Allah. myb its me solat tak khusyuk, or quran tak selalu baca, or solat sunat slalu tinggal. myb i miss usrah. its been a while since i attended majlis ilmu. i miss the environment, the barakah of being protected bu angels. i think i need to register for islamic conventions they do at picc. i need to find back the essence. of depending your life on Allah. oh dear, i miss my more innocent self. 

ok xpe, my plan now is, to dekatkan diri dgn Allah, need to baca quran more, need to solat sunat more, solat on time, and cari majlis ilmu to attend inshaAllah. 

wish me luck 👍

bismillah 

Hi i'm Dr Nahdiya. how can i help?

of a silver lining

bismillah.. 

hey.. so i'm currently enjoyin a cuppa tea at home while writing this.. i think i kinda have a love-hate relationship with hot drinks but most of the time its love huhu

so... mm u know how i initially wanted to do anesth and was hoping i got a general hosp so i could go into anesth but i got a GP practicw instead. i wasn't so happy at first bt consoled myself that it wasn't so bad as being posted to sabah/sarawak. Alhamdulillah Allah helped me a lot and made me sabr throughout this whole episode and now.. i'm quite happy with being a GP..

it's true what they say that tough times will go, but tough people stay.. i really like that..

now, i just need to figure out my life plan.. like should i further study? if so, in what field? 

and i also need to find a way to continue my swimming routine, myb i should request lunch calls on tuesday/thursday so i cn go home in time for a swim..

and guess what.. i'm currently learning mandarin.. haha still a long way from being able to speak or understand a converstation.. but still, baby steps inshaAllah..

please pray for me. i hope i can become a better muslim and also get my future sorted.. inshaAllah Ameen. 

they say one way to know if your doa is being accepted is if you are currenlty putting effort towards it (berusaha). :)

anyway, that's it for now, i'll update again don't worry huhu

yours, 

nahdiya

osaka castle, jan 2015

of a new beginning

bismillah..

it's been a while since i last updated u on my life.. sooo many things have changed.. ☺️

u know what uncle Sam, Peter Parker's uncle said to him "with great power comes great responsibility"? 

yup, i'm feeling it now.

so first thing is, all praise to Allah.. i finished my HOship.. huhu i'm currenlty a MO.. i was a HOMO before when i was floating in paeds only for a few days hihu because i took my remaining HO leaves.. so i only worked for 3 days of that month..

and then i went on a journey to cambodia for 4 days hihihi.. 

my housemates and i hv moved out from our place in melaka. the place thAt ws a bit unkempt due to our hectic schedule but nevertheless served us very well andgave us so many memories.. hmm i miss it.. but its to allow us to embark on our own journeys.,

so yeah i'm curently in a new place in KL, i'm in my 3rd week. where my patients are mostly chinese. who come in with their son's and daighters as interpretor for BM.. so u can see it is a problem when they don't hv an interpretor, know limited BM, and with me knowing zilch in mandarin apart from ni hao ma?

anyway, i'm quitr enjoying my time there. my collegues r very nice. guiding me, the most junior there. hweh, i hv made a few blunders i must say. but thnkfully they r quite cool. and i suppose its all part of the learning curve. i hope i'll be a lot better in the months to come. i mean, i do want to make a difference in their lives, to ease their sufferings and help them in even the slightest way possible. a.k.a being a good doctor. and that means i hv to read the guideline, prescribe medication that r most useful for their condition and refer to them when nexessary to specialists dept and know what interventions thag can be offered. 

and all of this starts with finding myself a shirley ooi book. huhu

was nice talking to u. i'll upfate u more later. thanks for listenjng. 😘

urs, 

nahdiya

smiling in times of hardship is a sign of courage

sisters trip to cambodia

 housemates trip to langkawi

our trip to ipoh during our last posting

haha okay, so myb i miss them lots..