are there really two sides to a person?

i don't know.

that's why i'm asking.

whoever said that ignorance is bliss meant that it is blissful for those who are in oblivion.
but maybe not for the people around them who are trying to tolerate with their ignorance.

a missing physicist.

killer. where are you~?
sudah lame saye x mendengar theori einstein kamu.
ktorg nk exam esok.
oh ye. prison break da ada balik! haha walaupun kamu x tgk saye nk btau jugak.
kerana kamu teman download saye.
andaikate kamu membace blog ini. sile take care n doakan ktorg ye! hehe
bye2.

lupe plak. selamat kembali ke sekolah.


p/s: berswan-swan. get it? heheh XD

4. 3. 2. 1.

hm. you know how diabetics are associated with this saying "starving in the midst of plenty", well i'm not a diabetic, but i think i kinda understand what it means. coz right know i'm in a quite similar situation.

"bored in the midst of plenty" (of reading to do)

haha. lame okay.

so i just finished going through the Whole Person Care element (i'm supposed to be learning about the human side of medicine) and i was reading through this excerpt which i think is quite interesting. This part was about mindfulness and it's importance in a doctor-patient relationship so that patients feel they were being attended and their needs fulfilled.

"as far as we are aware only complex creatures such as ourselves, possibly only ourselves, have sufficient self-consciousness to act as the ghost in our own physiological machine."

ghost = soul.
our soul comes from Allah. and which mankind has not yet succeeded in creating or 'replicating' like cloning.
we are the work of our mighty Creator.

Does it not reflect His magnificence?

*****

hehe just a distraction from studying ;p

right. back to work. 4 days to final exam.
tolong doakan saya ye. terima kasih!

the kindest of seagulls?

i have this weird habit that i do when i'm coming closer to my exams.
i never realized it before but a friend of mine made it clear to me just last year. during my IB years when there were so many exams lined up for me.

one day, after a bit of studying i decided to call up a friend. i've known her since standard 2. well that's not actually true, we've met when we were babies, according to my mom. but how could've i remembered that. hehe and so, she's been one of my best friends since. so i thought it's been a while since we've met and had a chat. i called her up. she was happy to be getting in touch again. we talked a bit. and then she asked what made me call? and i told her, nothing really, just wanted to know how she's doing in uni. how her life's been. catch up on stuff. hehe. i didn't have to say that i missed her. i guess we both know that's probably why i called. it's like a mutual understanding between bffs that when you call each other, it's because you miss them. so there's no need to say it out loud. haha. make sense?

she talked about what's going on in her life. and i listened. and then i talked a little too. then suddenly when it was near the end of the conversation.
she asked me, "nad, awak dah nak exam eh?"
it struck me out of the blue. how did she know. i didn't even mention it in the conversation.
so i asked her, "eh, cane awk tau?"
haha.
that was when she told me that i've been calling her for the past few years. whenever i'm getting closer to my exams. surprisingly, i never noticed. perhaps she knows me better than i know myself. i thought it was just a sudden longing for friends. or maybe it was my body's way of distracting myself from the exam pressure. an escape mechanism from all the books.

so yesterday, i did the exact thing. well okay, almost exact, it wasn't her, but i had a long chat with a friend. which we had to stop because it was already late and i had to sleep to wake up for Fajr prayers. anyway, after training myself not to sleep after Fajr. i lost. i couldn't take it, my eyes were working against me. i had to close them.

normally, i would wake up in the morning to the sound of seagulls outside my room (yeah, since Bristol is near a harbour) and i'd be very happy. it's as though they're welcoming the beginning of a new day.
i hear them squawking to me,
"come on nad, wake up, it's a beautiful day outside. SubhanAllah. come on, wake up. let's start your day fresh in the morning. come nad. join us."

well, i don't speak bird. but that's how i would interpret it.
so today, because i woke up late. it felt different. it wasn't the usual friendly squawk i'd hear. it felt as though they were mocking me. squawk. squawk.squawk.
"look at that girl. look at her sleeping after praying Subuh. waking up very late. even us birds could go out and catch food early in the morning. and yet she's a human. isn't she thankful to be human. why is she wasting her time. what a loserrrrr."

haha somehow the squawks just keep getting longer. ;p

dear birds, i'm sorry i've dissapointed you today. yes, yes, i'll try harder next time so we can work together in the morning and carry out our duties as best as possible.

dear birds, thank you for your reminder.

adik beradikku~ i miss u ols. haha.
i've been trying to get in touch but somehow everyone's busy.
i think i'm turning into someone mushy2 la.
maybe it's got something to do with my head being burried in books for too long.
which sadly is because my final exam is less than 2 weeks time.
anyway, i don't really know where to release my kerinduan ini. since everyone's probably missing their families too. it's not quite fair to be burdening others with my feelings when they're going through the same thing as well. haha. that's why i like this blog. i can write just whatever it is i feel like writing. without worrying if people's going to judge me. and if you guys do. who cares right. u don't know me. hehe. and to be fair, i don't know you either. besides, if it's my Bristol friends reading, they'd understand. kan korg? ;)
yeh, i'm starting to ramble.

miss wearing my tuds hitam ;p

we will not go down

there's two things you ought to know about me. i have a short-term memory. and what was the other one? oh yeah, apparently i also have a short attention span.
well, it's not exactly proven but there have been instances that led me to think that i do have em. so being me, i constantly need reminding and sometimes i need a bit of a push or motivation when i feel that i'm not up for something. an extremely common example would be studying.

so then, i would seek friends and have a chat with them so they could say something that would boost my spirits. but i guess not today. because today, in the midst of occupying my oh-so-free-time (which i'm supposed to be filling up with studying) i started to search for videos on the net. and i came across this song from Michael Heart about the war in Gaza. I'm not really sure who he is but he sends a very strong message through this song which i'm very fond of.
the video depicts the pain and sufferings of the Palestinians, destruction of their homes, casualties and injuries from the war, children fighting back Israelian troops with pebbles and their bare hands. it's really heartbreaking. but again, this is the reality that's happening now. maybe we're not going through it personally , but it shouldn't stop us from feeling their pain, and having the urge to help them out in any form possible. especially think about the innocent kids that are suffering from this war crime, what harm could they have done to deserve such treatment?

so then i thought, if I'm still able to fill up my tummy with food, have time to use the internet, have a comfortable bed, have the chance to finish my education which in other words means STUDYING then why mustn't i put my best effort and maximize my time with beneficial things when in fact other people in other parts of the world are dying to be in my place? and i mean literally.
so i guess, realizing this i should take some action immediately. not just ponder on it and let the thought escape my mind. thus, the need to be writing all this down.

anyway, the song title is 'we will not go down'. it brings so much hope, motivation and encouragement that we should never give up a fight until the fat lady sings. which then, we'll depend on Allah for what is best for us.
let's all pray together so that peace will once again be restored in Palestine and let the land be returned to it's rightful owners. insyaAllah.

Squash.

today i had a squash date with a friend. to get to the sports center i had to pass through the medical faculty. there was a caretaker polishing the door of the admin building. it was 10 am in the morning and the university precinct was quieter than usual since most students went home for this easter hols. as i walked passed him, he turned his head and just looked at me for a long time. i mean, it's getting quite a norm for me to get those 'looks' from people because of my hijab i think. (or maybe it was because of my bright coloured orange sweater?) hehe. if it was because of my hijab, i don't mind really. it's my choice. and i know because of that i will always be seen as a 'stranger' or ghuraba'. as Muslims, it shouldn't really bother us because whatever it is that we're doing is not for one's eyes to judge but for Him alone. anyway, because i felt that it's been a bit too long for his eyes to be kept open. i mean come on, he'll need to blink eventually. so, just to ease his eyes from the constraint and the eye pain that he might suffer later, i decided to take a preventive act.
'Morning!' i said.
His reply was 'Morning!' and turned back to continue his job.
end of story. hehe.
sometimes, people act surprised towards those that may seem a bit different than themselves. but it doesn't necessarily mean they're thinking bad things about you, it may just be that they're actually fascinated or maybe they're trying to organize the numerous thoughts and questions that's popping out in their heads. so i guess the trick would be to try and keep a positive attitude. we're no more different than a table and chair with thoughts. both are furniture of which are made from the same source, wood, but functions differently because of how there're molded and shaped. i'm making up yet another awful analogy. but do you guys get my point? do you? do you? you? you? haha.

anyway, here's a song that could probably give a bit of understanding towards people wearing hijab. it's a song by Dawud Wharnsbyr Ali. MashaAllah it is a lovely song indeed.

They say, "Oh, poor girl, you're so beautiful you know
It's a shame that you cover up your beauty so."
She just smiles and graciously responds reassuringly,
"This beauty that I have is just one simple part of me.
This body that I have, no stranger has the right to see.
These long clothes, this shawl I wear, ensure my modesty.
Faith is more essential than fashion, wouldn't you agree?

This hijab,
This mark of piety,
Is an act of faith, a symbol,
For all the world to see.
A simple cloth, to protect her dignity.
So lift the veil from your heart to see the heart of purity.

They tell her, "Girl, don't you know this is the West and you are free?
You don't need to be opressed, ashamed of your femininity."
She just shakes her head and she speaks so assuredly,

"See the bill-boards and the magazines that line the check-out isles, with their phony painted faces and their air-brushed smiles?
Well their sheer clothes and low cut gowns are really not for me.
You call it freedom, I call it anarchy."

This hijab,
This mark of piety,
Is an act of faith, a symbol,
For all the world to see.
A simple cloth, to protect her dignity.
So lift the veil from your heart to see the heart of purity.
Lift the veil from your heart and seek the heart of purity.

sometimes i need reminding, that's probably why i write down things that may seem insignificant. peace!
(it's 2.20 a.m in the morning. where have my books gone?)