the kindest of seagulls?

i have this weird habit that i do when i'm coming closer to my exams.
i never realized it before but a friend of mine made it clear to me just last year. during my IB years when there were so many exams lined up for me.

one day, after a bit of studying i decided to call up a friend. i've known her since standard 2. well that's not actually true, we've met when we were babies, according to my mom. but how could've i remembered that. hehe and so, she's been one of my best friends since. so i thought it's been a while since we've met and had a chat. i called her up. she was happy to be getting in touch again. we talked a bit. and then she asked what made me call? and i told her, nothing really, just wanted to know how she's doing in uni. how her life's been. catch up on stuff. hehe. i didn't have to say that i missed her. i guess we both know that's probably why i called. it's like a mutual understanding between bffs that when you call each other, it's because you miss them. so there's no need to say it out loud. haha. make sense?

she talked about what's going on in her life. and i listened. and then i talked a little too. then suddenly when it was near the end of the conversation.
she asked me, "nad, awak dah nak exam eh?"
it struck me out of the blue. how did she know. i didn't even mention it in the conversation.
so i asked her, "eh, cane awk tau?"
haha.
that was when she told me that i've been calling her for the past few years. whenever i'm getting closer to my exams. surprisingly, i never noticed. perhaps she knows me better than i know myself. i thought it was just a sudden longing for friends. or maybe it was my body's way of distracting myself from the exam pressure. an escape mechanism from all the books.

so yesterday, i did the exact thing. well okay, almost exact, it wasn't her, but i had a long chat with a friend. which we had to stop because it was already late and i had to sleep to wake up for Fajr prayers. anyway, after training myself not to sleep after Fajr. i lost. i couldn't take it, my eyes were working against me. i had to close them.

normally, i would wake up in the morning to the sound of seagulls outside my room (yeah, since Bristol is near a harbour) and i'd be very happy. it's as though they're welcoming the beginning of a new day.
i hear them squawking to me,
"come on nad, wake up, it's a beautiful day outside. SubhanAllah. come on, wake up. let's start your day fresh in the morning. come nad. join us."

well, i don't speak bird. but that's how i would interpret it.
so today, because i woke up late. it felt different. it wasn't the usual friendly squawk i'd hear. it felt as though they were mocking me. squawk. squawk.squawk.
"look at that girl. look at her sleeping after praying Subuh. waking up very late. even us birds could go out and catch food early in the morning. and yet she's a human. isn't she thankful to be human. why is she wasting her time. what a loserrrrr."

haha somehow the squawks just keep getting longer. ;p

dear birds, i'm sorry i've dissapointed you today. yes, yes, i'll try harder next time so we can work together in the morning and carry out our duties as best as possible.

dear birds, thank you for your reminder.