of heaven and earth.

bismillah. today Allah gave me a gift. an extra one hour to live. we could fill in an hour with plenty of things. an extra hour to have a Halloween party, an extra hour to sleep, an extra hour to read, an extra hour to chat, an extra our to devote ourselves to the One..all sorts. the choices we're given.

mind's turning,
clock's ticking,
people dancing,
Allah's watching.

after doing my ethics case study, i think i'm a bit of a consequentialist mixed with some virtue ethics. for us humans, our final consequence would be heaven and hell. i wonder sometimes, when we talk about heaven and hell, do I really see it in my head as how I would see the material things in this world? how solid is my faith? is it as solid as this table i'm using? if so, i'm worried because i think this table's a bit wobbly =_=;

Diriwayatkan daripada Jabir, ia berkata, "Bahawa pada perang Uhud ada seorg laki-laki bertanya kepada Nabi, "Jika aku terbunuh di manakah tempatku?, " beliau menjawab: "Di dalam syurga." Lalu org itu melemparkan butir-butir kurma yg masih ada di tangannya kemudian ia maju (ke tengah2 musuh), sehingga akhirnya ia mati terbunuh." HR Bukhari (4046) dan Muslim (1899)

this is totally a jaw-dropping example of faith!

يَا عِبَادِ لَا خَوْفٌ عَلَيْكُمُ الْيَوْمَ وَلَا أَنْتُمْ تَحْزَنُونَ

(43:68) (It will be said to them): “My servants, today you have nothing to fear or regret

الَّذِينَ آَمَنُوا بِآَيَاتِنَا وَكَانُوا مُسْلِمِينَ

(43:69) you who believed in Our Signs and had surrendered yourselves (to Us)!

ادْخُلُوا الْجَنَّةَ أَنْتُمْ وَأَزْوَاجُكُمْ تُحْبَرُونَ

(43:70) Enter Paradise joyfully, both you and your spouses.” *60

*60 The believers will be accompanied both by their believing wives and by their believing friends in Paradise.

يُطَافُ عَلَيْهِمْ بِصِحَافٍ مِنْ ذَهَبٍ وَأَكْوَابٍ وَفِيهَا مَا تَشْتَهِيهِ الْأَنْفُسُ وَتَلَذُّ الْأَعْيُنُ وَأَنْتُمْ فِيهَا خَالِدُونَ

(43:71) Platters and cups of gold shall be passed around them, and there shall be all that they might desire and all that their eyes might delight in. (They shall be told): “Herein shall you abide for ever.

وَتِلْكَ الْجَنَّةُ الَّتِي أُورِثْتُمُوهَا بِمَا كُنْتُمْ تَعْمَلُونَ

(43:72) Such is the Paradise that you shall inherit by virtue of your good deeds in the life of the world.

لَكُمْ فِيهَا فَاكِهَةٌ كَثِيرَةٌ مِنْهَا تَأْكُلُونَ

(43:73) Herein you will have abundant fruits of which you will eat.”

mashaAllah. can i say reward is directly proportional to redha Allah?

motto of the day: Towards His blessings and beyond.


p/: i might have left my specs at someone's house. remind me to get them back. rajin x tgk pic ni? hehe don't be deceived ;p

10. go to broadmead, buy painting stuff, pegi wilko beli lightbulb
11. wish dids burpday
12. get nikon charger from skepang
13. kalau dah boring sangat go to sensberi
14. use my organiser that i have been splurging on to force myself to use it instead of writing things down in the virtual world. oh. mcm loser sedikit.

before i doze off, i might need to sort out some things in my head.

first and foremost is my to do list:

1. clean out the front yard
2. clear out my cupboard for auction stuff
3. probably hafal2 a few surahs
4. prepare things for a&m next week and so on
5. clean up my room (which i haven't really been doing)
6. clean the house, clean the kitchen.
7. buy ink cartridge with the printer wire thingy
8. try to find my heart.
9. and oh yeah, study for exams.

sometimes, i feel like i need some space. some time to think. some time to travel. some time to just sit still. and let the whole world dance.

i think i need to paint. and be more quiet.

12.01 a.m.

Allahumma..if my heart's not in it what can I do? mode: sedih

of the special things in life

bismillah.

came back from the library yesterday, and there it was. in the silver pot, just staring at me. luring me closer. until I finally did. and down it went into my tummy. burp, Alhamdulillah.

of ayam kurma.

people always say things like "I'm not as beautiful as her', "i'm not as smart as her", "i'm not as funny as her", "i'm not as well spoken as her" and the list goes on. and I for one, might be among of the utterers. the tendencies of having low self esteem, being ladies, though undesired, have put us in this trap.

often, we forget about the great things in life Allah has granted us with. and because of ayam kurma last night, it reminded me once again of Allah's warmth. yes, I am special.

I am special because I was able to come home from the library in the cold dark midnight to a warm and wonderful meal of nasi with ayam kurma. cooked by my dearest friend, usrahmate, coursemate and housemate. I am special because Allah has allowed me to be living in Bristol in the great company of people who are always trying to better themselves and be closer to Allah.

I am special because out of 7 billion people breathing the same air in this world, I am allowed to learn about Islam, to understand Islam and to teach it to others despite my oh, so many flaws. I am allowed to practice it without the fear of being rejected by my family and friends. or the fear of people throwing acid on my car. because I choose to be a Muslim.

I am special because I was allowed to feel the love from little sisters running around in the sun. one asked me for my name, "Miss, what's your nayyyme?" It's Nahdiya, i said. she grinned, and i heard her repeat it under her breath.

Of all the special things in life Allah has ALLOWED us to feel. Alhamdulillah.

Allah made us special for some reason. let's not throw away our specialness into the drain.

so here's a new lot of words,

1. twee - the word just sounds a bit twee
2. in a pickle - i'm finding myself in a pickle
3. turning grey - my hair's turning grey just thinking about my children
4. touch wood - hehe learned it last year. people say it when they're hoping that the opposite (something bad) will not happen.
4. amytriptyline - a TCA anti-depressant
5. metatraxate - it's used to treat cancer and what? (cepat2).....teng!! times up. rheumatoid arthritis
6. a patient presenting with black jagged lines and spots in vision and also as if looking through a frosted glass. what could be the diagnoses? (cepat2)...teng lagi!! it's partial retinal detachment. if full retinal detachment can cause blindness because retinal artery tercabut terus. wuu~ and what are the black spots? it's blood from the artery. how long should we treat before the eye goes completely blind? 3-4 days.
7. which is more worrying in an asthmatic child? a) a child having an asthma attack, wheezing and running around or b) a child having an asthma attack sitting still in a corner breathing deeply. tettt! okay, the answer is b) because it indicates that the child's body may not be able to compensate for the attack, and because in the children the attack can change dramatically so within 30 mins or so they might get worse and could die. wuu~
8. crp in blood test is to indicate what? -rheumatoid arthritis
9. why oh why do woman with cushing's disease stop having periods? ke xde kene mengena pun..heh, have to find out soon.


okay. i'm bored. sambung buat keje.

after spending 24hours with kak F, i think being an OCD person is not bad at all. you get things done. let's be OCDs - nmj

bismillah.

something to ponder on a Friday morning, insyaAllah. As one of our mutabaah amal, we are expected to beristighfar a certain amount each day. Sometimes, its so easy to get carried away with ticking the box that it becomes sort of a routine rather than really indulging in the amal to help us tingkatkan iman. so just to remind us what should be the ruh behind istighfar is, i shall quote tafsir fi zilal from surah an-Nasr:

"His forgiveness is sought for the various unrevealed, defective feelings such as vanity, which sometimes creep into one's heart at the overwhelming moment of victory attained after a long struggle. Human beings can hardly prevent this from happening therefore, Allah's forgiveness is to be sought for it."

so basically, istighfar is meant to cleanse our hearts from all the wrong feelings we've had in pursuit of 'victory'. I learnt that the ruh from beristighfar, especially in the climax of victory is actually to free oneself from the feelings of conceit, arrogance and the attitude of self-importance. Because honestly, preparing for an exam by studying 8 hours a day and finally getting a distinction does boosts your self-esteem and could definitely get to your head that YOU made that happen (Note: this is just a randon eg i gave), when actually we should understand that whatever nikmat or 'victory' we achieve is through Allah's will and His Mightiness alone. لا حول ولاقوة إلا بالله
and simultaneously it is also to liberate ourselves from the worldly captivations.

just another excerpt which i quite enjoy:

In the moment of triumph, as the Conquest of Makka was established, Rasulullah entered it on the back of his camel with his head bowed down. he forgot the joy of victory and instead he beristighfar. and this is Makkah were talking about, where he had once been openly and unshamedly persecuted and expelled.

mashaAllah. tarbiyah from Allah. utk kita juga insyaAllah.

of my rants~


i've always dread growing up. but i think it doesn't have to mean leaving the child in you, it just means to flourish emotionally, to think ahead and to consider others more. - nmj
hehe..talk about substituting a word

Ayat of the day.

Allah hath purchased of the believers their persons and their goods; for theirs (in return) is the garden (of Paradise): they fight in His cause, and slay and are slain: a promise binding on Him in truth, through the Law, the Gospel, and the Qur'an: and who is more faithful to his covenant than Allah? then rejoice in the bargain which ye have concluded: that is the achievement supreme. (9:111)

year 2010

year 2009

I think this was the best trip ever. Alhamdulillah. yaAllah, permudahkanlah. hopefully this year's will be like before. hee~

mode: bersemangat!

bismillah.

i think my english is deteriorating..and i may have developed a stammer..(sobs)
so here's some words to get me going..words that are new, i might have forgotten the meaning, or simply i haven't been using recently. i heard these words being used within these 2 weeks. behold:

1. satchel - her leather satchel
2. excruciating - excruciating pain
3. discretion - at your discretion
4. chide - chiding myself
5. revolting - his behaviour is revolting
6. suave - acting suave about a patient
7. impeccable - his work is impeccable
8. pervasive - that drug is very pervasive
9. blatant - he admitted that blatantly
10. invasive - an invasive procedure
11. erratic - he's acting erratic
12. insidious - these are insidious symptoms
13. fixated - she was fixated about Jesus
14. gobbled - gobble up the words
15. faffing - they go faffing around
16. nuisance - he's being a nuisance
17. fag - how many fags a day?
18. cracking - look at my cracking veins. (cracking here means stunning)
19. alarming - his condition is alarming
20. blimey - blimey!

okay, that's it. will collect more words soon. wslm.

bismillah.

kerana jalan ini, jalan yang pjg.

yesterday morning gave mama a ring. a routine weekly call to catch up with the family. before getting off the phone mama will usually end with a do'a for me, this time, i noticed she added in something very sweet 'mama doa awk sihat utk buat kerja, senang nak faham bila belajar, Allah permudahkan semua urusan, urusan blajar and dakwah..' the last bit was something she never officially mentioned before..

and that made me smile. although dakwah is not for mama's sake alone, it does give me the boost knowing that mama approves of it. i remember her saying 'kalau jadi doctor yg gaji beribu2 nnt..use it for the ummah..use it for Islam..terangkan psl Islam to your patients' I was in primary school. that was how i understood how study and dakwah can work hand in hand then.

---

last summer i asked Abah if he has tafsir fi zilal or hadith 40 because
a) i'm a cheapskate
b) i was a bit lazy to go to jln tar.
Abah said yep but his books are in his office. so i went with him to get it. I opened the cabinet and he offered me the books. However, there was a 'but'. They were either in Arabic or English. So i didn't take any. (dakwah global? not.)

Growing up, Abah was the clothes police. Everytime we wanted to go out he would already be waiting downstairs on the sofa facing the stairs. Once i was dressed properly (so i thought) i would go down the stairs and he would always stop me and ask me to go up and change if my top was a tad bit too short. unless i was in something decent only then would he bring me along. one time i did something that i'm not proud of. it seemed like wearing small tops was cool so i told Abah that that is the only clean top i have and my other clothes were dirty. surprisingly it worked, and he let me off.

but i felt really dreadful, it didn't feel comfortable aside from the disappointment from my actions.

---

tarbiyyah keluarga. from them i learnt so much. although they might be busy with their own life now, the things they thought me have lead me to become the person i am today. the way they have moulded my thinking and calibrated my values (after numerous rebellious attempts of wearing baju kecik). i dream of building a family of my own one day, to nurture them with the ways of Islam, just as how i've been able to experience it, if not better iA.

p/s: had a long chat with Puan and was able to untangle several knots in my head Alhamdulillah. also something she said, it doesn't matter which 'path' you follow as long as kita beramal, beramal & beramal iA.