of life on earth

Imam Hasan al-Banna pernah ditanya, "Kenapa Anda tidak menyusun buku?" Beliau menjawab, "Tugas saya bukanlah untuk menyusun buku , karena buku biasa-biasanya akan diletakkan di perpustakaan dan sedikit sekali org yg mau membacanya. lain halnya dgn seorg muslim, ia adalah 'buku yg senantiasa terbuka' ke mana pun ia berjalan, itu adalah dakwah."

****

وَمَا أَرْسَلْنَا قَبْلَكَ مِنَ الْمُرْسَلِينَ إِلَّا إِنَّهُمْ لَيَأْكُلُونَ الطَّعَامَ وَيَمْشُونَ فِي الْأَسْوَاقِ وَجَعَلْنَا بَعْضَكُمْ لِبَعْضٍ فِتْنَةً أَتَصْبِرُونَ وَكَانَ رَبُّكَ بَصِيرًا

(25:20) O Muhammad, all the Messengers whom We sent before you also ate food and moved about in the streets. In fact, We have made you all a means of test for one another. Will you show patience? for your Lord sees everything.

bismillah.

i hope Allah will get me through this. i love them people Allah, tq Allah. in times of despair, good company (bi'ah solehah) is the remedy. ;)

dear self, be a good muslimah to help your self and others insyaAllah.

can you get out of the way please? pretty pretty pleaaaaase..

snippets of the big day (27/12/10)






and the new chapter begins..a more exciting and fruitful chapter insyaAllah..

bismillah.

bismillah

Allah.
I think it might be time for me to grow up.

إِنَّ اللَّهَ لَا يُغَيِّرُ مَا بِقَوْمٍ حَتَّى يُغَيِّرُوا مَا بِأَنْفُسِهِمْ...

"....Allah does not change a people's lot unless they themselves change their own characteristics.."
(13:11)

Allahumma, let me do it solely for You.
biiznillah.

(post PMS'10 - the best PMS ever)

of winter warmers..

two words: melayan perasaan.
gediknyeeeeer!

yes, blame it all on the warm winter clothes, extra pairs of socks, thick hoodies and granpa PJ's. ah. snuggled up in heavy garments is making me lazzyyyy!
finished reading the twenties girl. a feel good bimbo book. so now, i should do my work.

i went to get myself some wellies yesterday. i wasn't confident that i could walk safely on the icy pavements with my non-equipped for snow shoes. i might seem like a hypercondriac at the time but i do have a reason. i slipped down the stairs in my house the other day, and injured my back muscles. okay, so some people would just call it a bruise. *thump* and another thump. and i hit the ground. i rolled over and laid flat on my back until the pain subsided. yes, my housemate was the witness. and she was laughing all the way. like, seriously it was like someone had just given her an extra high dose of entonox. i'm sure it was quite comical but seriously, after learning MDEMO, bones are one thing you don't wana mess about. sure you can rejoin it, but the risk of OA in the bone after a fracture will surely increase. but then, 'im sure it's nothing. insyaAllah.

i'm just faffing around because i don't wana do my work....
....
....
...
but i know i should better get a start on the reading for PMS.
make doa everything will be alright insyaAllah.

Allah, help me from becoming a lazy bum.

viva night. Palestine. 4.12.10






Allahumma, peliharalah al-Aqsa daripada ancaman kejam zionis. daripada manusia-manusia yg tak berhati perut yg membunuh tanpa belas kasihan.

satukanlah hati-hati kami, persiapkanlah diri kami serta kuatakanlah iman kami agar dpt syahid keranaMu.
insyaAllah.


p/s: kerana pada dasarnya, adalah isu iman, bukan hanya isu kemanusiaan.

of smelly sox and a duvet monster

sometimes, i forget, that love is always there although you don't see it as often. just as Allah is always there. guiding you through. we just have to make the small steps. all the best!

xx,
nad mj

of deliberation

when the key of acceptance comes down to intention.
lillahita'ala.

مَثَلُ الَّذِينَ كَفَرُوا بِرَبِّهِمْ أَعْمَالُهُمْ كَرَمَادٍ اشْتَدَّتْ بِهِ الرِّيحُ فِي يَوْمٍ عَاصِفٍ لَا يَقْدِرُونَ مِمَّا كَسَبُوا عَلَى شَيْءٍ ذَلِكَ هُوَ الضَّلَالُ الْبَعِيدُ

(14:18) The works of those who disbelieved may be likened, to the ashes which the wind scatters on a stormy day. They shall not be able to gain anything from what they did. This is the extreme deviation.

وَالَّذِينَ كَفَرُوا أَعْمَالُهُمْ كَسَرَابٍ بِقِيعَةٍ يَحْسَبُهُ الظَّمْآَنُ مَاءً حَتَّى إِذَا جَاءَهُ لَمْ يَجِدْهُ شَيْئًا وَوَجَدَ اللَّهَ عِنْدَهُ فَوَفَّاهُ حِسَابَهُ وَاللَّهُ سَرِيعُ الْحِسَابِ

(24:39) (On the other hand,) the deeds of those who disbelieved, maybe likened to a mirage in a waterless desert, which the thirsty one took for water; but when he reached there he found nothing to drink; nay, he found there Allah Who settled his full account, and Allah is very swift at reckoning.

Allah.
Allah. Allah.
may it become something than a nothing.

when i feel so useless..

i can only pray that Allah helps you through.
the facade. the green mask you put on. is not so green in the end.
the colourless paint splashes out from the bucket.

it is never fair. life is never fair. but never is it a fairytale.

i hope it will turn out well. a typical consoling statement.

all the torments and trials you face, may Allah reward it greater.
i seek Allah to give you courage, to give you strength, to give you the ability to see the beauty in the ugly. and keep you strong. to face the crowd when the cheering ends.

i pray your love will be renewed. with a stronger love, from a creation to the creator. and from The creator to His creation. because you held on to Him. His love, more than a thousand couples put together. and an ending with a happily ever after. in Jannah, one day, insyaAllah.

xx,
nad mj

of subliminal feelings

tafahhum. snap your fingers and behold. its not as easy.
only 3 years it took me. and still counting.
may it be a step forward for us, to keep on this path, never failing to remind one another. with truth and patience.

وَالْعَصْرِ

إِنَّ الْإِنْسَانَ لَفِي خُسْرٍ

إِلَّا الَّذِينَ آَمَنُوا وَعَمِلُوا الصَّالِحَاتِ وَتَوَاصَوْا بِالْحَقِّ وَتَوَاصَوْا بِالصَّبْ

insyaAllah.

my love note, xx
nad mj

haruskah membesar? haruskah? haruskah?
okay, retorical question.

salam. :) :) :)

The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said: “Charity is prescribed for each descendant of Adam every day the sun rises.” He was then asked: “From what do we give charity every day?” The Prophet answered: “The doors of goodness are many…enjoining good, forbidding evil, removing harm from the road, listening to the deaf, leading the blind, guiding one to the object of his need, hurrying with the strength of one’s legs to one in sorrow who is asking for help, and supporting the feeble with the strength of one’s arms–all of these are charity prescribed for you.” He also said: “Your smile for your brother is charity.” - Fiqh-us-Sunnah, Volume 3, Number 98

and also,

Daripada Abu Hurairah r.a., katanya: “Rasulullah s.a.w. bersabda: ‘Tidak akan masuk syurga kamu semua sehingga kamu beriman dan tidak akan dinamakan beriman kamu semua sehingga kamu semua saling cinta-mencintai. Tidakkah kamu semua suka jika ku tunjukkan kepadamu semua sesuatu yang jikalau kamu semua lakukan tentu kamu akan saling cinta-mencintai? Iaitu sebarkanlah salam sesama mu’.” (Hadith Riwayat Muslim)

since i am in my A&E week, i usually feel a bit upset when people (read: doctors) don't smile at me when they see me. i don't blame them though, i know their super busy and i'm just a speck on the wall.(yes, this is slightly exaggerating) so as a response, i wouldn't smile at them either. which then makes me feel bad because i wanted to smile but them not smiling at me just makes me not wanting to smile back. ok, so the hadith is supposed to remind me to just smile..cos it's a sunnah..;)

other things i've learned today:

1. don't be a fatalistic Muslim. be pleased with what Allah has willed and what is due to come..but, in the meantime, hard work is required.
2. i need to cultivate my relationship with Allah.
3. sacrifice is part of our submission to Allah.

yours truly,
nad

geared up

as part of my unwinding therapy i will now write about what i've been doing today. i just got back from A&E. Alhamdulillah, i managed to spend about 7 hours there. and if you get the vibe, i am quite proud of this achievement. the 1st time i went in the department, i just poked my head in, saw that no one took notice of me, lingered for 10 minutes and went straight out again. i hate it when there's no one assigned to teach and you're just left running around like a little puppy wiggling its tail and trying to get attention from its master. but i guess no one does. so yeah, today was good, i'm finally getting used to going to different doctors asking if i can tag along with them. hmm..A&E..probably not for me. i mean it's interesting once you do get to see a patient. but, trying to juggle 4 patients at one time is just to much for my brain, especially if the patients are ranging from an asthmatic 5 year old to a 75 year old man with alcoholic withdrawal and a GCS of 3. i know females are known for multitasking, but i might not be the friendliest under this much stress. so A&E..not. :)

just the fact that i've been writing rubbish recently, i might try to write something worthwhile for now.

i was reading the Qur'an this morning, and i read through my favourite ayat:

وَلَا تَمُدَّنَّ عَيْنَيْكَ إِلَى مَا مَتَّعْنَا بِهِ أَزْوَاجًا مِنْهُمْ زَهْرَةَ الْحَيَاةِ الدُّنْيَا لِنَفْتِنَهُمْ فِيهِ وَرِزْقُ رَبِّكَ خَيْرٌ وَأَبْقَى

(20:131) And do not cast an envious look at the worldly property We have bestowed on different kinds of people, for We have given them all that to put them to trial, and the lawful provision of your Lord is better and more lasting.

***

i think it is soothing knowing that everyone has their own provision's determined by Allah. be it good or bad. and with the provisions given there is always responsibilities involved.

Allah. i'm tired. i hope today is not sia-sia. amin.

p/s: new phrases: chuffed to bits, bogged down, bog standard, barn-door case.

Hadith Qudsi 35:

On the authority of Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him), who said that the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said:

Our Lord (glorified and exalted be He) descends each night to the earth's sky when there remains the final third of the night, and He says: Who is saying a prayer to Me that I may answer it? Who is asking something of Me that I may give it him? Who is asking forgiveness of Me that I may forgive him?

It was related by al-Bukhari (also by Muslim, Malik, at-Tirmidhi and Abu Dawud).

In a version by Muslim the Hadith ends with the words:

And thus He continues till [the light of] dawn shines.

Hadith Qudsi 22:

On the authority of Abu Sa'id (may Allah be pleased with him), who said that the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said:

Let not any one of you belittle himself. They said: O Messenger of Allah, how can any one of us belittle himself? He said: He finds a matter concerning Allah about which he should say something, and he does not say [it], so Allah (mighty and sublime be He) says to him on the Day of Resurrection: What prevented you from saying something about such-and-such and such-and-such? He say: [It was] out of fear of people. Then He says: Rather it is I whom you should more properly fear.

It was related by Ibn Majah with a sound chain of authorities.

a new set of words ;)

1. nip to the loo
2. my knee suddenly went
3. some tidbits for you
4. sloans=rahs
5. chuck it in the bin
6. pop around
7. feeling fizzy
8. feeling crummy (miserable)
9. a crummy old coat
10. a flimsy excuse

what have i learned this week?

1. that everyone should be respected. for their own attitudes, their own character and more over their own opinions of course.

2. don't be too hasty in judging a person. when, i'm not given the authority to judge anyone in the first place. a person shouldn't be segregated by their choice of clothing or other lifestyle choices, but rather get to know who they really are inside.

3. i should have proper work ethics. especially in giving usrahs. i have to be more passionate please. and not to mention organised as well.

4. confidence is a must. work on it.

of magical movies

hi world.
so i might risk exposing myself for being a loser. again.

huhu. i'm in love..
with the latest Disney's animation film Tangled. :D just finished watching it. and how do i know it's a good movie? because it makes me tingling all over and dreaming of adventure again. cheesy stuff. ;p

i used to like watching Beauty and the Beast when i was about 5. okay, scratch that, maybe i loooved watching it. mama said that i used to watch it like a gazillion times. i kept rewinding the video again and again. mama said she wanted to throw up by the sight of it. but, determined as i am. i was fine with that, as long as i could watch Belle sing. and of course, i've memorised all the songs. hehe loserr..

so yeah, back to this movie, it's just great. i think it surely stands a chance to compete with Beauty and the Beast. in my records that is. :D

top 5 animation films so far:
1. beauty and the beast
2. lion king
3. anastasia
4. finding nemo
5. mulan

and don't ask me why.

p/s: so i know Disney products should be boycotted. but i think what we can learn from them is their work ethics. they're very determined and passionate about what they do. and detailed as well to add to that matter. i love the animal impressions in lion king and the avalanche in mulan was extraordinary. oh no, i'm falling in love, again.

of once upon a time

p/s: before it becomes obsolete after 35 years :)

of a crappy-wonderful day

bismillah.

so what did i do today? i went into fracture clinic..it was good..and bad..

good, because Allah gave me inspiration from a muslim orthopaedics surgeon. i didn't know he was muslim. haha. i knew he was a great doctor before i even met him because i overhead nurses and surgeons talking about how good he was in the coffee room. eavesdropping much? ;p people kept calling him Cally, so i though it was his name..so when i officially met with him today he introduced himself, and his name is actually Khaled..haha..these people and their pronunciations..:p

bad, because i was asked questions from another consultant, which, i didn't manage to answer. i had a vague idea of what it is, but because i didn't understand it enough i couldn't tell him anything. so, i need to review my learning skills. if i'm not able to explain things to people it means that i don't really understand it, right?
but anyway, after my sad attempt of answering, he taught me what it was. ow yeah, and the question was on compartment syndrome.

so what have i learned today? i hope to be great in my career. a great doctor, a great person, a great da'ie. i want to be like Ibnu Sina, Ibnu Khaldun etc from young, at the age of 10 already have the entire Qur'an in their head. and learnt about Islam, from an earlier stage before venturing into other areas of knowledge. so their fundamentals were strong from the beginning. mashaAllah.

conclusion:

it's not wrong to be great at what we do, family wise, career wise or study wise, but that's not the only thing we should be good at. they are our ibadah too. but the priorities in life should always take precedence before anything else. being a Muslim first insyaAllah.

وَمَا خَلَقْتُ الْجِنَّ وَالْإِنْسَ إِلَّا لِيَعْبُدُونِ

(51:56) I created the jinn and humans for nothing else but that they may serve Me

let's pray that Allah will make us great Muslims and da'ies as well insyaAllah. ;)

bismillah.

first of all, i have noticed that this song is a bit cheesy. oh well, i still like it.

secondly, i heard prof tariq ramadan's talk at ISNA (on youtube) and he truly is an exceptional speaker. his ideas are very clear and very relevant in today's time. and i feel that the problem has always been at the back of my mind, but it is reassuring for him to point out what was actually the case.

what i found interesting was what he said about knowledge. "We should use the knowledge to be close to Allah, and we should get knowledge to serve, not to be served...We are not seeking knowledge to be served, we are not seeking knowledge for our ego.."

so if what we're learning is not making us closer to Allah, maybe there's something that needs to be fixed.

thirdly, knowing the theory and learning to practice or apply it are two definitely different aspects. and i think the endpoint for learning a theory is for us to actually apply it. which reminds me, i need to learn to do the musculoskeletal examination, and to make sure i really learn it is to be able to practice it on people. so who wants to volunteer being my subject? ^.^

مَنْ عَمِلَ صَالِحًا فَلِنَفْسِهِ وَمَنْ أَسَاءَ فَعَلَيْهَا ثُمَّ إِلَى رَبِّكُمْ تُرْجَعُونَ

(45:15) Whoever acts righteously, does so to his own good; and whoever commits an evil will suffer its consequence. All of you will then be sent back to your Lord.

warm wishes! xx

of someone who likes to write nonsense

bismillah.

salam. hi :)
so yeah, yesterday i got to experience a few miracles. aside from still living. Alhamdulillah. i got to scrub in a surgery. my first scrub in. it was a total knee replacement. hehe. and an Achilles tendon..something..can't remember.

i've noticed, the orthopaedics are somehow mostly made up from the attractive cohort of the population. not that i'm saying it has any importance. just a purely neutral finding. the best thing is, the head of the department is a lady. bossing all these rugby player sized men. and to make things more interesting, she's even tinier than me. (okay, you may not agree, but in this part of the world, i am undersized). hehe. go lady power!

okay, enough with the jabbering..seeing the surgeons in action i can now understand why doctors and especially surgeons would see the body as a mechanical thing rather than seeing a person with emotions and...stuff. because frankly that is what it is. by giving anaesthetics all sensation of pain is lost. leaving the limb as a dead structure where you can tear it open and do all sorts of things. wonderful isn't it?

إِنَّ الْحَلاَلَ بَيِّنٌ، وَإِنَّ الْحَرَامَ بَيِّنٌ، وَبَيْنَهُمَا أُمُورٌ مُشْتَبِهَاتٌ لاَيَعْلَمُهُنَّ كَثِيرٌ مِنَ النَّاسِ، فَمَنْ اتَّقَى الشُّبُهَاتِ فَقَد اسْتَبْرَأَ لِدِيْنِهِ وَعِرْضِهِ، وَمَنْ وَقَعَ فِي الشُّبُهَاتِ وَقَعَ فِي الْحَرَام، كَالرَّاعِي يَرْعَى حَوْلَ الْحِمَى يُوشِكُ أَنْ يَرْتَعَ فِيهِ، أَلاَ وَإِنَّ لِكُلِّ مَلِكٍ حِمًى، أَلاَ وَإِنَّ حِمَى اللهِ مَحَارِمُهُ، أَلاَ وَإِنَّ فِي الْجَسَدِ مُضْغَةً، إِذَا صَلُحَتْ صَلَحَ الْجَسَدُ كُلُّهُ، وَإِذَا فَسَدَتْ فَسَدَ الْجَسَدُ كُلُّهُ، أَلاَ وَهِيَ الْقَلْبُ

رَوَاهُ البُخَارِيُّ وَمُسْلِمٌ

"Truly, what is lawful is evident, and what is unlawful is evident, and in between the two are matters which are doubtful which many people do not know. He who guards against doubtful things keeps his religion and honour blameless, and he who indulges in doubtful things indulges in fact in unlawful things, just as a shepherd who pastures his flock round a preserve will soon pasture them in it. Beware, every king has a preserve, and the things Allah has declared unlawful are His preserves. Beware, in the body there is a flesh; if it is sound, the whole body is sound, and if it is corrupt, the whole body is corrupt, and behold, it is the heart."

and it was snowing outside while i was in theatre. Allah's miracle indeed.

p/s: i'm at home. next to the radiator, with tea in one hand. Alhamdulillah. ;)

bismillah.

contrary to my previous post, i know life is not a fluffy dream. i wish to live in a cottage overlooking the green hills. but i understand that my wish might be too off. especially when there's no such cottages in malaysia. ha.ha.

and i also understand, if we don't get it here, insyaAllah in syurga it's far more better. percayalah pada janji Allah. ;)

i read an ayat this morning

ذَلِكَ جَزَاؤُهُمْ جَهَنَّمُ بِمَا كَفَرُوا وَاتَّخَذُوا آَيَاتِي وَرُسُلِي هُزُوًا

(18:106) Their recompense is Hell for the disbelief they showed and for the mockery they adopted in regard to My Signs and My Messengers.

and it reminded me, Islam yg kita pegang, dan yakin, dan bawa ni bukanlah sesuatu yg main-main.

so buckle up dear self, and get your things sorted. for fear we might be considered disbelievers juga wpun dah mengucap syahadah.

p/s: tukar mode sket dgn lagu2 lama. amik semangat by reminiscing the days in the car where we would set out early in the morning for ODC. zaman mama burn lagu2 nada murni dlm casette. Abah would be driving, and we would be singing in the back. maybe a different song, tp rentak mcm sama. huhu.

of rants and pretty things that are not important

i yearn for adventure. as i look out of the window in this wet weather. with the pitter patter of tiny raindrops on my windowsill. i yearn to go out into the world. into adventure.

as i sip my cup of tea, i am breath-taken by the beauty of the view from my window, from the backdoor of my hospital resident. i never truly appreciated what was there under my nose before. masyaAllah.

the melancholy of my writing. it might be the fever, or it might just be that i am missing some people. i miss talking to them. i miss mama making hot drinks for me at night and we would just talk about things that happened in the day. just the two of us. i don't know what's changed, maybe i became more reserved. or maybe because i'm growing up. i hate it, why does growing up have to make you feel so lonely. leceh. ok, so maybe it's just me. and perhaps the far away distance.

p/s: it's amazing how big a difference opening a bit of the window can do, letting the nice seaside breeze brush against your face. :D

salam.

just a quickie today.

i forgot to return 3 psychiatry books. they were due 6 days ago. the reality suddenly dawn on me on the last day itself. as i was in Weston, the books were in Bristol, so i can't possibly do anything except anticipate a warning. when i returned them today, i was expecting to pay the late fees. i knew it was my mistake. but. i ended up not paying a thing. the librarian told me they allowed a few days of grace before charging. and it was the last day today. Alhamdulillah. Allah. the most Merciful the most Gracious.

so, my lesson for today would be, don't be afraid to endure hardship for the sake of Allah. Allah works in mysterious ways. istiqamahlah dear self, because what we hope for might not be attainable at this instant.

die trying or stop fighting. wuuu~ insyaAllah for every effort there's reward. a step closer to Allah and Jannah. marilah bernafas panjang.

فَإِنَّ مَعَ الْعُسْرِ يُسْرًا
94:5) Indeed, there is ease with hardship.

إِنَّ مَعَ الْعُسْرِ يُسْرًا

(94:6) Most certainly, there is ease with hardship.


Eid Mubarak! :)

bismillah.

i'm struck with awe by the mechanics of our body. Allah. beautiful subhanAllah.

i was wondering earlier why does the shoulder tip to the side of the longer leg in someone with unequal leg lengths?

compensatory mechanism.

since i've started on my new rotation, huru-haralah dunia. mutabaah amal pun entah ke mana. so the 'free' time that i have should be filled with things that can hopefully make up for my tardiness.
compensentory mechanism.

وَالْعَصْرِ

By the time!

إِنَّ الْإِنْسَانَ لَفِي خُسْرٍ

Lo! Man is in a state of loss;

إِلَّا الَّذِينَ آَمَنُوا وَعَمِلُوا الصَّالِحَاتِ وَتَوَاصَوْا بِالْحَقِّ وَتَوَاصَوْا بِالصَّبْرِ

save those who have faith and do righteous deeds, and counsel each other to hold on to truth and counsel each other to be steadfast.

Allah.

salam.

i'm back in business insyaAllah. i've been meaning to write for a few days but didn't seem to have the time. i've been thinking, and i think this blog is becoming a bit personal which i feel is quite inappropriate to broadcast to people. and i've been considering to change to a more traditional way which is to write in my diary. but, oh well. we'll see when that is.

em. i started of this blog with the idea that this will be sort of my log book. an account of what i'm feeling or what i've learnt. so in futuristic terms, when i feel that it's time to shut this blog, i will just jump to another blog or whatsoever so my deepest most darkest feelings will still remain anonymous. hee..anyway, enough with the rambling.

of last week

1. i enjoyed last week, i think people are a blessing, especially tetamu. even more, tetamu that are friends. bukankah tetamu itu membawa barakah? and i have been able to enjoy my room in Bristol. which is another thing that's part of me. i have the tendency to decorate my room and enjoy it once in a while. i don't know why? that's just how it is. but slowly i've been letting that desire go. because i don't actually have the right to own anything. no, it's all lent by Allah. i think the value in something is greater when we share it with others.

2. i learnt to correct my niat in everything that we do. in particular, when we help out people. i think that's what separates us from people who don't believe in god. they might help out others because they would want that person's help in the future. something like an unspoken deal. 'if you help me out today, i'll help you out tomorrow' so why are we different? because our cause is different, our aim is bigger. not for people to return our favour, but we want Allah to be pleased with us. something that i have to consciously remind myself.

3. so based on what i've just written, you might think that i'm a horrible person. yes, i might not be beautiful or brilliant. i might not have nice skin or a fluffy accent, but i am working to clean my heart. and to err is human. of which is another lesson i've learnt. which is to be realistic. work realistically, study realistically and plan realistically. it's not wrong to dream big, but again. you have to have a right mindset. in the end what do you want? to have a negara islam tetapi rakyatnya rosak? or to obtain a medical degree but you aren't compassionate about your patients? in the end what is it that you are after?

ok, cuba teka kenapa letak gambar byk2?

jwapannya: boringnya studyyy~

p/s: doakan my exam on Thursday tq ;)

of heaven and earth.

bismillah. today Allah gave me a gift. an extra one hour to live. we could fill in an hour with plenty of things. an extra hour to have a Halloween party, an extra hour to sleep, an extra hour to read, an extra hour to chat, an extra our to devote ourselves to the One..all sorts. the choices we're given.

mind's turning,
clock's ticking,
people dancing,
Allah's watching.

after doing my ethics case study, i think i'm a bit of a consequentialist mixed with some virtue ethics. for us humans, our final consequence would be heaven and hell. i wonder sometimes, when we talk about heaven and hell, do I really see it in my head as how I would see the material things in this world? how solid is my faith? is it as solid as this table i'm using? if so, i'm worried because i think this table's a bit wobbly =_=;

Diriwayatkan daripada Jabir, ia berkata, "Bahawa pada perang Uhud ada seorg laki-laki bertanya kepada Nabi, "Jika aku terbunuh di manakah tempatku?, " beliau menjawab: "Di dalam syurga." Lalu org itu melemparkan butir-butir kurma yg masih ada di tangannya kemudian ia maju (ke tengah2 musuh), sehingga akhirnya ia mati terbunuh." HR Bukhari (4046) dan Muslim (1899)

this is totally a jaw-dropping example of faith!

يَا عِبَادِ لَا خَوْفٌ عَلَيْكُمُ الْيَوْمَ وَلَا أَنْتُمْ تَحْزَنُونَ

(43:68) (It will be said to them): “My servants, today you have nothing to fear or regret

الَّذِينَ آَمَنُوا بِآَيَاتِنَا وَكَانُوا مُسْلِمِينَ

(43:69) you who believed in Our Signs and had surrendered yourselves (to Us)!

ادْخُلُوا الْجَنَّةَ أَنْتُمْ وَأَزْوَاجُكُمْ تُحْبَرُونَ

(43:70) Enter Paradise joyfully, both you and your spouses.” *60

*60 The believers will be accompanied both by their believing wives and by their believing friends in Paradise.

يُطَافُ عَلَيْهِمْ بِصِحَافٍ مِنْ ذَهَبٍ وَأَكْوَابٍ وَفِيهَا مَا تَشْتَهِيهِ الْأَنْفُسُ وَتَلَذُّ الْأَعْيُنُ وَأَنْتُمْ فِيهَا خَالِدُونَ

(43:71) Platters and cups of gold shall be passed around them, and there shall be all that they might desire and all that their eyes might delight in. (They shall be told): “Herein shall you abide for ever.

وَتِلْكَ الْجَنَّةُ الَّتِي أُورِثْتُمُوهَا بِمَا كُنْتُمْ تَعْمَلُونَ

(43:72) Such is the Paradise that you shall inherit by virtue of your good deeds in the life of the world.

لَكُمْ فِيهَا فَاكِهَةٌ كَثِيرَةٌ مِنْهَا تَأْكُلُونَ

(43:73) Herein you will have abundant fruits of which you will eat.”

mashaAllah. can i say reward is directly proportional to redha Allah?

motto of the day: Towards His blessings and beyond.


p/: i might have left my specs at someone's house. remind me to get them back. rajin x tgk pic ni? hehe don't be deceived ;p

10. go to broadmead, buy painting stuff, pegi wilko beli lightbulb
11. wish dids burpday
12. get nikon charger from skepang
13. kalau dah boring sangat go to sensberi
14. use my organiser that i have been splurging on to force myself to use it instead of writing things down in the virtual world. oh. mcm loser sedikit.

before i doze off, i might need to sort out some things in my head.

first and foremost is my to do list:

1. clean out the front yard
2. clear out my cupboard for auction stuff
3. probably hafal2 a few surahs
4. prepare things for a&m next week and so on
5. clean up my room (which i haven't really been doing)
6. clean the house, clean the kitchen.
7. buy ink cartridge with the printer wire thingy
8. try to find my heart.
9. and oh yeah, study for exams.

sometimes, i feel like i need some space. some time to think. some time to travel. some time to just sit still. and let the whole world dance.

i think i need to paint. and be more quiet.

12.01 a.m.

Allahumma..if my heart's not in it what can I do? mode: sedih

of the special things in life

bismillah.

came back from the library yesterday, and there it was. in the silver pot, just staring at me. luring me closer. until I finally did. and down it went into my tummy. burp, Alhamdulillah.

of ayam kurma.

people always say things like "I'm not as beautiful as her', "i'm not as smart as her", "i'm not as funny as her", "i'm not as well spoken as her" and the list goes on. and I for one, might be among of the utterers. the tendencies of having low self esteem, being ladies, though undesired, have put us in this trap.

often, we forget about the great things in life Allah has granted us with. and because of ayam kurma last night, it reminded me once again of Allah's warmth. yes, I am special.

I am special because I was able to come home from the library in the cold dark midnight to a warm and wonderful meal of nasi with ayam kurma. cooked by my dearest friend, usrahmate, coursemate and housemate. I am special because Allah has allowed me to be living in Bristol in the great company of people who are always trying to better themselves and be closer to Allah.

I am special because out of 7 billion people breathing the same air in this world, I am allowed to learn about Islam, to understand Islam and to teach it to others despite my oh, so many flaws. I am allowed to practice it without the fear of being rejected by my family and friends. or the fear of people throwing acid on my car. because I choose to be a Muslim.

I am special because I was allowed to feel the love from little sisters running around in the sun. one asked me for my name, "Miss, what's your nayyyme?" It's Nahdiya, i said. she grinned, and i heard her repeat it under her breath.

Of all the special things in life Allah has ALLOWED us to feel. Alhamdulillah.

Allah made us special for some reason. let's not throw away our specialness into the drain.

so here's a new lot of words,

1. twee - the word just sounds a bit twee
2. in a pickle - i'm finding myself in a pickle
3. turning grey - my hair's turning grey just thinking about my children
4. touch wood - hehe learned it last year. people say it when they're hoping that the opposite (something bad) will not happen.
4. amytriptyline - a TCA anti-depressant
5. metatraxate - it's used to treat cancer and what? (cepat2).....teng!! times up. rheumatoid arthritis
6. a patient presenting with black jagged lines and spots in vision and also as if looking through a frosted glass. what could be the diagnoses? (cepat2)...teng lagi!! it's partial retinal detachment. if full retinal detachment can cause blindness because retinal artery tercabut terus. wuu~ and what are the black spots? it's blood from the artery. how long should we treat before the eye goes completely blind? 3-4 days.
7. which is more worrying in an asthmatic child? a) a child having an asthma attack, wheezing and running around or b) a child having an asthma attack sitting still in a corner breathing deeply. tettt! okay, the answer is b) because it indicates that the child's body may not be able to compensate for the attack, and because in the children the attack can change dramatically so within 30 mins or so they might get worse and could die. wuu~
8. crp in blood test is to indicate what? -rheumatoid arthritis
9. why oh why do woman with cushing's disease stop having periods? ke xde kene mengena pun..heh, have to find out soon.


okay. i'm bored. sambung buat keje.

after spending 24hours with kak F, i think being an OCD person is not bad at all. you get things done. let's be OCDs - nmj

bismillah.

something to ponder on a Friday morning, insyaAllah. As one of our mutabaah amal, we are expected to beristighfar a certain amount each day. Sometimes, its so easy to get carried away with ticking the box that it becomes sort of a routine rather than really indulging in the amal to help us tingkatkan iman. so just to remind us what should be the ruh behind istighfar is, i shall quote tafsir fi zilal from surah an-Nasr:

"His forgiveness is sought for the various unrevealed, defective feelings such as vanity, which sometimes creep into one's heart at the overwhelming moment of victory attained after a long struggle. Human beings can hardly prevent this from happening therefore, Allah's forgiveness is to be sought for it."

so basically, istighfar is meant to cleanse our hearts from all the wrong feelings we've had in pursuit of 'victory'. I learnt that the ruh from beristighfar, especially in the climax of victory is actually to free oneself from the feelings of conceit, arrogance and the attitude of self-importance. Because honestly, preparing for an exam by studying 8 hours a day and finally getting a distinction does boosts your self-esteem and could definitely get to your head that YOU made that happen (Note: this is just a randon eg i gave), when actually we should understand that whatever nikmat or 'victory' we achieve is through Allah's will and His Mightiness alone. لا حول ولاقوة إلا بالله
and simultaneously it is also to liberate ourselves from the worldly captivations.

just another excerpt which i quite enjoy:

In the moment of triumph, as the Conquest of Makka was established, Rasulullah entered it on the back of his camel with his head bowed down. he forgot the joy of victory and instead he beristighfar. and this is Makkah were talking about, where he had once been openly and unshamedly persecuted and expelled.

mashaAllah. tarbiyah from Allah. utk kita juga insyaAllah.

of my rants~


i've always dread growing up. but i think it doesn't have to mean leaving the child in you, it just means to flourish emotionally, to think ahead and to consider others more. - nmj
hehe..talk about substituting a word

Ayat of the day.

Allah hath purchased of the believers their persons and their goods; for theirs (in return) is the garden (of Paradise): they fight in His cause, and slay and are slain: a promise binding on Him in truth, through the Law, the Gospel, and the Qur'an: and who is more faithful to his covenant than Allah? then rejoice in the bargain which ye have concluded: that is the achievement supreme. (9:111)

year 2010

year 2009

I think this was the best trip ever. Alhamdulillah. yaAllah, permudahkanlah. hopefully this year's will be like before. hee~

mode: bersemangat!

bismillah.

i think my english is deteriorating..and i may have developed a stammer..(sobs)
so here's some words to get me going..words that are new, i might have forgotten the meaning, or simply i haven't been using recently. i heard these words being used within these 2 weeks. behold:

1. satchel - her leather satchel
2. excruciating - excruciating pain
3. discretion - at your discretion
4. chide - chiding myself
5. revolting - his behaviour is revolting
6. suave - acting suave about a patient
7. impeccable - his work is impeccable
8. pervasive - that drug is very pervasive
9. blatant - he admitted that blatantly
10. invasive - an invasive procedure
11. erratic - he's acting erratic
12. insidious - these are insidious symptoms
13. fixated - she was fixated about Jesus
14. gobbled - gobble up the words
15. faffing - they go faffing around
16. nuisance - he's being a nuisance
17. fag - how many fags a day?
18. cracking - look at my cracking veins. (cracking here means stunning)
19. alarming - his condition is alarming
20. blimey - blimey!

okay, that's it. will collect more words soon. wslm.

bismillah.

kerana jalan ini, jalan yang pjg.

yesterday morning gave mama a ring. a routine weekly call to catch up with the family. before getting off the phone mama will usually end with a do'a for me, this time, i noticed she added in something very sweet 'mama doa awk sihat utk buat kerja, senang nak faham bila belajar, Allah permudahkan semua urusan, urusan blajar and dakwah..' the last bit was something she never officially mentioned before..

and that made me smile. although dakwah is not for mama's sake alone, it does give me the boost knowing that mama approves of it. i remember her saying 'kalau jadi doctor yg gaji beribu2 nnt..use it for the ummah..use it for Islam..terangkan psl Islam to your patients' I was in primary school. that was how i understood how study and dakwah can work hand in hand then.

---

last summer i asked Abah if he has tafsir fi zilal or hadith 40 because
a) i'm a cheapskate
b) i was a bit lazy to go to jln tar.
Abah said yep but his books are in his office. so i went with him to get it. I opened the cabinet and he offered me the books. However, there was a 'but'. They were either in Arabic or English. So i didn't take any. (dakwah global? not.)

Growing up, Abah was the clothes police. Everytime we wanted to go out he would already be waiting downstairs on the sofa facing the stairs. Once i was dressed properly (so i thought) i would go down the stairs and he would always stop me and ask me to go up and change if my top was a tad bit too short. unless i was in something decent only then would he bring me along. one time i did something that i'm not proud of. it seemed like wearing small tops was cool so i told Abah that that is the only clean top i have and my other clothes were dirty. surprisingly it worked, and he let me off.

but i felt really dreadful, it didn't feel comfortable aside from the disappointment from my actions.

---

tarbiyyah keluarga. from them i learnt so much. although they might be busy with their own life now, the things they thought me have lead me to become the person i am today. the way they have moulded my thinking and calibrated my values (after numerous rebellious attempts of wearing baju kecik). i dream of building a family of my own one day, to nurture them with the ways of Islam, just as how i've been able to experience it, if not better iA.

p/s: had a long chat with Puan and was able to untangle several knots in my head Alhamdulillah. also something she said, it doesn't matter which 'path' you follow as long as kita beramal, beramal & beramal iA.

Allah. I know I like to listen to soft melodious songs, but please make me from the heart of a fighter. - nmj

bismillah.

last week some friends were chatting about their ideal way of dying. to be lying on a bed, at an old age, closing their eyes and slowly drift away from this world into the next. looking very peaceful.

so what's yours?

i'd hope to die fighting for something. something that matters. fisabilillah insyaAllah. asma' amanina.
for this, to have the correct niat for living is important.

p/s: honestly, writing things down and letting people read it is really scary. not because I'm afraid I won't live up to your expectations. It's more about disapointing myself and Allah when He has already warned us, 61:2 - "O Believers! Why do you say what you do not do?"

maybe this is my tarbiyah.

bismillah.

i made a new friend today. he's from Bangladesh.
and i managed to get his number...*drum rolls*

he's a taxi driver. i'd probably be in need of taxis to get to the train station.
rather than helping org kafir might as well help our own brother.

on his business card it wrote Abhi. i asked, "is that your name?"
"short for Abdul" he said. apparently locals have a problem if they know he's a Muslim. he told me a story.

one day, a customer asked, knowing that he is a Muslim, "so do you have a bomb in the car?"
Abhi: no, i don't but if you don't pay me i will have to blow you up.

my new friend is a funny one. heheh.

prejudice.
- if you can't ignore it, might as well get some laughs out of it. - nmj